4 Workout Tips for Better Sex & Orgasms

Having a healthy body (as defined by ourselves, not others) is mind-blowingly hot. What's not to love about feeling good with yourself, inside and out? Count on being more emotionally and physically fit, not to mention being better in bed! Being healthy is one of the biggest actions to promote self love you can do. Our resident Sex Life Coach Eric Amaranth talks about getting healthy for better sex. What could be better?

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It is absolutely true that a sex life can be enjoyed regardless of the shape someone is in. My sex life coaching works for a wide range of body types. It is also true that people in better shape have certain advantages in the bedroom. This blog post will cover several of the most relevant muscle groups for both women and men plus the effect they have on your sex and orgasm quality and possibilities.

#1 Abs

This muscle group is one of the most important for men (or women on top). The abs are called on most to drive the pelvis during missionary and sideways missionary intercourse, which is still quite popular. Speeding up the rhythm of his thrust multiplies the effort required to keep up that pace.

Slow is also great, can contribute perfectly to big orgasms, and fast can make it feel like a blur of friction that isn’t as good as the details you can feel with slow. That said, fast has its place and specific advantages too. There are times when certain types of penetration must be done at a rapid rate based on the needs of his partner’s body/genitals to reach orgasm or have the best time possible. There still other situations that have nothing to do with the receiving partner’s needs and everything to do with the man expressing his overpowering desire for his partner and masculine sexual intention.

Abs also play a lesser role in many other positions because they will be recruited for most forms of thrusting. This is why I put abs workouts at the top of the list. The more crunches you can do, the more endurance you’ll have, which translates into being able to thrust rapidly for a longer period of time, which is exactly what your partner may need for a favorite type of big orgasm. Triggering certain orgasms in a given person can also require specific forms of energy-intensive stimulation. If you have what it takes to trigger it, great! If not, then that’s okay, but it’s time to get back in the gym.

My favorite way to workout my abs is with a abs machine that allows me to increase the weight over time in a precise way. After you do crunches to a certain point, curling your own body weight wont be enough for further gains. Crunches on the floor are hard on your tail bone and low back. You also wont be able to add more weight resistance to your crunches in a way that is easy to manage for the majority of people. I’ve seen my most consistent gains in my abs since using a crunches machine.

#2 Quads/thighs

This muscle group is equally important to abs for both women and men. Strong, developed thighs allow a woman to sit astride her man (or penetrating woman) and buck and grind for as long as she wants or needs to drive him or her or herself over the edge into a big-O. This is a popular position for indirect clitoral stimulation during intercourse which works nicely for those women with a clitoris sensitive enough to build up and orgasm from vaginal penetration plus indirect clitoral stimulation against her partner’s pelvis.

Even if a woman is not sensitive enough she can still use this position and combine other forms of direct clitoral stimulation with it. I have a personal attraction to women with developed thighs. I call these thighs “sex engines” because, besides looking sexy, driving a woman’s thrusts during female superior/cowgirl is one thing they’re made for. This position when done a certain way provides a unique form of stimulation to the head of the penis via her cervix.

Thighs are also important in other positions for men as well. Particularly positions with men and doing the thrusting on their knees. The usual weight training for thighs are good: squats and quad-targeting machines. On any of my weight training workouts, I follow a pattern of 10 reps at such and such weight, rest one minute, 8 at a bit higher weight, rest one minute, then a weight setting where I can do 4 to 6 reps before my muscles can lift no more. Rest for two minutes, then do 4 to 6 again. I repeat two more times and then I’m finished with that muscle group.

#3 Butt

The glutes are a big deal in sex. Practically and visually. For both genders, it’s simple: everyone loves to view and touch a partner’s toned, attractive bum. On a practical note, the glutes do join with the abs to help give locomotion to thrusting and other hip movements. This is an opportune time to mention that one of the things I learned early on was that rocking hips are not just a male form of physical sexual expression. I found that women also rock hips often as their body’s way of expressing the enjoyment of the sensations. I was taught that hip bobbing in women is often good to build arousal because it is sexual body language and will urge the mind to go into a more deeply aroused place. I suggest to women clients, as does my mentor, to experiment with different levels of hip bobbing and thrusting to see how it affects them and makes things better.

I’ve tried a number of different exercises that do work the glutes, but no exercise does it for me like a glutes machine. Not even squats. Squats can’t isolate the glutes like that machine can. I don’t see them in every gym, but look around in yours and try it out for a month or two using the workout method I described above. Because glutes are a large muscle group, you’ll see noticeable changes faster than in smaller muscle groups like the arms. Speaking of which….

#4 Arms

We all know women who love men love a pair of muscled arms. It reminds me of what men lust for in breast size and shape. The visual appeal is obvious and also the strength they can exert during sex is exciting. Specifically along these lines is going back to endurance again. The stronger the arms, the more endurance they have to do manual sexual skill sets (using your hands and things held by your hands) that require higher energy output for a given partner whose sex organs need more speed and power to best facilitate specific types of intense orgasms. Not running out of juice right as she’s rising up to climax was a good reason for me to get into curls and tricep work.

I like doing standing dumbell curls for my biceps and standing cable pulldowns for my triceps. Done with the same format as above. My decision to target first the specific muscle groups that serve me best in sex turned out to be a very good idea. Two more things:

1. Google workouts to increase breast size. You won’t increase the breast tissue volume, but a bit more prominence of the pecs will improve the overall look.

2. I prefer sprints and resting for a minute or two on the treadmill to long-distance running for cardiovascular exercise. That said, throwing some cardio in there is really good for stamina during intercourse.

Check out the original post at Sex Life Coach NYC.

Eric Amaranth is a sex life coach, working in NYC and globally via video conference, who specializes in women’s and men’s sexuality, basic to advanced sex skills, and high-end sex education. Individuals and couples are guided toward the relationship, intimacy, and sexual enjoyment goals they desire most.

Amaranth believes that for the majority of people, appreciation of ourselves and our romantic partners is one of the best sustainable resources we have to continuously renew attraction, maintain respect, and stay in love with our partners. This bedrock of deep appreciation is founded and reinforced by the combination of loving relationship skills with breathtaking sexual skills. Follow him on Twitter @Eric_Amaranth.

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28 Surprising Benefits of Being a Loving Couple

Do you realize how wonderful it is to have a loving spouse? Being in an amazing sexual relationship is beautiful and can be very beneficial for your overall health and even finances. Even when things get difficult, being close to someone is one of the best things life has to offer. Of course we get bored and forget how lucky we are to be close to someone. That's OK! At GetLusty, we've put together a list of just some of the benefits of being part of an awesome couple.

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#1 Waking up next to each other. Loneliness might be the most despairing aspect of being single. Opening your eyes after a long nights sleep and seeing the beautiful face of the one you love is a wonderful thing.

#2 Always having someone to see a movie with. Not to say that convenience is a benefit, but if you've found the right one, then you have a best friend who is there to share all your cinematic adventures with.

#3 Seeing the smile on your partners face when you bring them breakfast in bed. From childhood we humans have this obsessive urge to please the ones we love. We behaved this way with our parents, aunts, and grandparents. Now that we're all grown up, we want to carry this convention forward with our relationships. It gives us a sense of accomplishment, and reminds us of how loved we are.

#4 Loving the sound of your partner's annoying laugh. Being ridiculously and insanely smitten with someone is one the most exciting occurrences one will ever experience. To be so infatuated that every little annoying habit becomes a spine-tingling, hair-raising event.

#5 Being able to test your robot dance out on a captive audience. Many of us have a hard time being ourselves out in public. Some of us even dread the idea of co-worker or family member seeing how we act at home, when we're all alone. When you have that special someone in your life, you have a person who loves every silly, bizarre thing you do, and you'll love performing for them.

#6 Having someone to hold onto while you watch "The Exorcist" for the fourth time. It's not just a benefit for the ladies. No matter what your man tells you, he gets scared too, and having someone there provides a huge sense of safety. Having someone who makes you feel safe carries over to larger issues in life - not just spooky movies.

#7 Taking showers together. With your partner there for every aspect of your life, those once ordinary day-to-day tasks suddenly become potential erotic adventures.

#8 Attending your favorite sporting event together. Many singles stubbornly think that sporting events are just for the guys, but a victory make-out session is much more exciting than a few high-fives with your pals. Another benefit is the amount of adrenalin that's built up during a game. Adrenalin always makes for great sex after the match.

#9 Knowing that you have someone to depend on. Your partner is more than just bed mate, they're your companion - someone to experience this life with. Life gets hard, and complicated, and can even seem unbearable at times. The great thing about a couple is, when you fall, there is always someone there to pick you up.

#10 Feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries. Everyone loves being pampered. Whether it's sharing fruit, or a massage. You'll always have someone there to spoil you.

#11 No more depressing masturbation! We know, there will always be masturbation, no matter how often you and your partner have sex. After discovering that intense connection we call love with someone, the sexual experience ascends to something greater than just satisfying that itch in your pants.

#12 Taking vacations together. The majority of us are not loners. Deep down in our core, we crave friendship and community. When it comes to traveling, most of us are intimidated by the thought of going at it alone, so having that loved one next to you seems to arouse the explorer in us.

#13 Perpetual encouragement. Even the best of us lose a little self-esteem from time to time. It's an amazing thing to always have someone there to help rebuild your fortitude.

#14 All-night Netflix marathons. One of the most adventurous things we did in our childhood was staying up all night with our best friends, watching movies and playing games. After we all grew up, that didn't seem to happen anymore. Your friends have lives of their own now and don't seem too excited about having a slumber party with you. Well, that's what your partner is for. He or she is your new best friend, and they'll always be there to help you build that fort in the living room.

#15 Your ass will always look great in that outfit. As we've noted before, confidence is a huge issue with us humans. We are constantly worried about how others see us, and we're even a little superficial at times. Your girlfriend or boyfriend always wants to be the hottest person you know, and you always will be, because you really are the hottest person in the world to them. 

#16 The glorious majesty of oral sex. Sure, you can get a blowjob during a one-night stand, but will it be the greatest blowjob you ever receive? Probably not. Having that one person, night after night, day after day, to explore and experiment with - that's how you master the art of oral sex. Cunnilingus takes some practice, and is a different experience with every woman. Nobody knows how to blow their woman's mind on the first try. It takes time. A couple has the benefit of discovering that perfect orgasm.

#17 Relaxing in the tub together. Everyone loves a bubble bath! Having someone's slippery, naked body rubbing against yours turns that tranquil time in the tub into a romantic, and erotic engagement.



#18 Holding hands (duh!). Intimacy is incredibly fulfilling, whether it's spooning in bed, or just walking down the street, hand-in-hand. Maybe we get it from childhood, the safety and comfort of having someone hold your hand while crossing the street or wandering through a busy public space. What ever the reason, we all love doing it. 

#19 Having a road-trip partner. Before you found the love of your life, you had to ask around to find a friend who would take a trip with you. Sometimes that can be hard. Sometimes nobody wants to be stuck in a car with you for several hours at a time. A couple never has this issue. You're already spending every day together, so it might as well be spent in a car. There's not much better than exploring the open road with someone who laughs at all your bad jokes. 

#20 Having someone to split a Twix with. We're not saying you should be in a relationship just so you don't waste food, but the sharing aspect is very important. You're sharing food, experiences, thoughts - everything you love, everything you hate. You can think of it as "becoming one" with each other, or you could also see it as one person becoming twice as awesome. 

#21 Experimental cooking. Single folks usually fall into their own routine, and they stick with it until someone comes along and introduces them to something new. For the stereotypical male, it's pizza, hot wings, and anything that's easy to cook. When you find yourself in a couple, you discover this urge to try new things. You've merged your lifestyle with someone else's, and that tends to shake things up a bit. You'll both want to find ways to change those old habits of yours.

#22 Getting texts during your work day that make you feel better. You're not alone in this world. The crappy day at work doesn't have to seed into your mind when you have someone on your team, routing for you. He or she isn't just the person you hook up with at home every night, they're personal pep rally. By the end of  your shift, if won't matter how much your boss yelled at you - not when you know you're in love, and are loved in return.

#23 Having someone who makes sure you don't get too drunk. Sometimes your judgement can waver a bit, and you might need a little assistance. It's nice to have someone looking out for you - someone you will thanking in the morning.

#24 Having someone who will listen to you complain about your parents. After a while you'll notice that some of your friends don't make the best listeners, and your siblings can be a little critical, especially if you're the younger one. A couple always has someone to hear their problems, without judgement.

#25 Negotiating foot massages and back rubs. Single people need to pay people for this kind of thing. Other than the financial benefit, it can be really fun bartering for things with loving displays of affection.

#26 Realizing that even when you fight, you still love each other. You'll notice that singles don't fight. They can always just walk away from an argument, but not couples. They love and care for one another. The argument is important.

#27  Getting to experiment with pubic hair lengths. OK, this sounds a little weird, and maybe even a little gross, but think about it. There are places on your body you would never allow a lover to explore. Be in a couple for a certain amount of time and see how absurdly comfortable you become around your partner. You'll start peeing in front of each other, picking your nose in front of them, and yes, playing with their pubic hair.

#28 Knowing how lucky you are. This might not sound like an extremely important benefit right away, but try to remember the last time you felt this way. Happy couples are so damn happy because of little things like this. You'll see them around sometimes, walking tall, a modest smile on their face.

Jason Estrada is currently working on his master's for creative writing, in the hopes of becoming a very rich screenwriter some day. His other interests include photography, cinematography, and video editing. His favorite book is The Great Gatsby. Favorite movie is either The Crow or When Harry Met Sally - can't decide. And his all time favorite show is Doctor Who.

When he's not enjoying any of those things, you can find him at home, drinking and smoking way too much while listening to VNV Nation. You can email him at jason@getlusty.com, or try his Facebook page.

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Couples Negotiation 101

You'd be surprised, but arguing can be the difference between a good and great relationship. Don't fight occasionally? Be scared. Good communication is about negotiation. And many times these will get heated. Being a couple involves conversations that sometimes get heated. It's part of human nature. But these arguments can turn negative--quick. Luckily, Chuck and JoAnn Bird are here to talk about how to get positive things out of relationship disputes.

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Saying that communication is the key to a healthy relationship is like saying that an engine is a relatively important part of your car. It really shouldn’t need to be said, anymore.

Yet, knowing that and acting on it are two different experiences. If communicating well was such an easy thing for couples, then why do so many couples have trouble doing it?

The truth is that speaking from the heart is one of the most difficult things we do. When we have disagreements with the ones we love, it can lead to very emotional conversations and arguments. Of course, we are only upset because we care and it matters to us how our loved ones feel. Nonetheless, it is easy to get caught up in strong emotions and actually fail to communicate our needs in a way that will generate a positive response from our partners.

That’s why we recommend to our patients learning an important skill: negotiation.

To negotiate means to discuss something in order to reach an agreement, confer. Whether you knew it or not, you probably use negotiation skills on a daily basis. However, these skills become especially important when you are in a relationship that you want to thrive. Here are some basic negotiation skills that you can start using today:

First, go into the discussion with the mind set of making it a “win/win”, instead of trying to convince your partner to give in to what you want. Remember, you’re a team. Thus, when one person loses, the whole team loses.

• Be clear and state what you want.
• Focus your request on behavior changes.
• Try not to immediately say “No.” Instead, make a counter offer.
• Be willing and open to compromise. This means both of you must be willing to surrender something you want.
• Continue until you reach an agreement with which you both feel comfortable.
• Honor the agreement.

Here’s how it sounds when we do it poorly and when we do it right:

Not using negotiation:

Husband: “I want to go out with my friends on Friday nights.”

Wife: “FINE! You ALWAYS want to spend more time with them anyway!”

Using basic negotiation:

Husband: ”I want to go out with my friends on Friday nights.”

Wife: “I want to spend time with you on Friday nights. Instead of every Friday, how about you go out with your friends one Friday night a month?”

Husband: “I want to spend time with you too, but I also like to spend time with my friends. How about I go out with them every other Friday night?"

Wife: “Okay, just as long as we spend quality time together on our Friday nights.”

The difference in those two examples is the tone and the manner in which the disagreement was addressed. The first example showed someone who wanted to communicate a disagreement with her partner’s plan to go out, but it was all emotion with no path to a solution. The second example showed she could still communicate the same disagreement, but in a way that promoted a compromise that ended with a positive outcome. He is able to spend some time with his friends, while she secured the quality time that she wanted with her husband.

All this skill requires is the ability to step back and think for a moment before you respond. It’s perfectly natural to feel strong emotions with regard to your partner. However, by communicating your viewpoint the right way, you can actually convey how you feel in a way that can lead to solving the dispute instead of it escalating into a bigger one.

Drs. Chuck and Jo-Ann Bird and are Board Certified Clinical Sexologists and Relationship Counselors. They co-counsel couples together which offers a unique and balanced male/female perspective and a combined therapy/coaching approach to helping their clients with a variety of relationship and sexual issues/concerns. Due to our last name and work they do, they've become known as “The Love Birds”.

They have 16 + years of personal experience in a healthy, loving and successful relationship. We know how to solve problems and work through difficulties that couples may face on a daily basis. We know ways to keep relationships strong and healthy. We offer you tools and strategies that can make positive changes in your relationship. Find out more about Chuck. Alternatively, find out more about Jo-Ann. Also, follow them on Twitter and 'Like' them on Facebook.

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Why Talk About Commitment

We always learn from JacoPhillip Crous, our resident advisor on gay long-term relationships. He is full of so much wisdom and advice when it comes to bettering our own long-term relationships through communication. Getting to know your partner's wants, needs and desires through effective communication and feedback improves our relationships. Communication and commitment are extremely important and having a consensual, committed relationship will not only lead to a healthier love life but you will also have a firm foundation to let your relationship grow.

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Actively communicate

Communication is the buzz word for most relationship counseling, whether it comes from your BFF or your very expensive couples therapist.  The language of love, sex, and relationships is always changing.  It is important to recognize that "communication" is not just a catch all word for making your relationship better. Communication is a means for people to address wants, needs and issues so we can be happier in our exploration of our selves.

Often times, one or both halves of a couple will decide they want to experience something new or to try something different. The problem is, what “new” or “different” means to one person may bear little or no resemblance to what it means to the next.  Even if you have developed your own couple’s-telepathy, lovers still need to actively communicate dialogue with feedback and explanation of meaning or emotion.

For example, when one person gets around to using the word "new" in a relationship, to the speaker “new” means something that they have probably thought of for a while, but haven't had the ability to express it to the other person.  The listener or recipient of the message may find the actual idea “new” because, until now they have probably not thought of it at all before or the couple hasn't spoken of the thought previously. For another couple, "new" can mean something that both the speaker and recipient have been thinking about, but neither partner had the means to articulate and initiate the conversation.  My advice is to explore your foundations of communication and commitment before adding the "new" or "different."

Understand where you and your partner are coming from

In a committed relationship, there are many aspects of communication that have to be addressed so that both partners can understand each other.  If either party doesn't understand their own needs, wants, and desires, holding a conversation about adding a new idea will be difficult.  Either party may not realize what they are consenting to or what is expected of them.  To use a metaphor, you have a very detailed treasure map for the island, but if you don't know where the island is located you won't get very far.  Understanding where both you and your partner are coming from is essential in communicating your ideas to each other.

So how do you figure out what you want, what you may get, what is wanted of you, and what you would consent to give?  Let's try to acknowledge that some of the psychobabble and self help literature doesn't give you straight up answers, again it gets lumped in with the word communication as if we inherently understand what that entails.

What is Alpha communication?

Alpha communication is a trusting communication motivated by care for one another. This is based on both partners being honest, real, and transparent with one another about your needs, wants, and desires to benefit your consensual commitment to each other. For some couples, this conversation is the proverbial deal breaker for the relationship; to what depths/heights of commitment are the two of you willing to consent to now. The relationship doesn’t need to accommodate any specific changes in the moment, but there must be consensus on the commitment capacity of your relationship.  Then you can start to add new strategies and approaches to be able to understand what each other is trying to say.

What are Alpha topics?

Consent to what are “Alpha-topics” for your particular partnership needs to be acknowledged and communicated clearly, here in the Alpha-conversation. This consent to your commitment is necessary if consensus is to be achieved in future communication on how such topics can be addressed and made practicable.  Consider this a framework for understanding the other person and where they are coming from.  It is like a foundation to a house being built.  Many of you probably have already spoken about some of these topics: ideas and feelings on marriage, children, religion, respect, lifestyle, and finances among other fundamental values.  Once you have expressed your concepts on these points and your belief structures, your partnership has a basis for understanding how to evolve and change through active communication.

If you’re not talking about the things that actually make partnership consensus and consensual commitment, you may as well consign your relationship commitment to an individual monologue.  Your message recipient will not understand nor be willing to actively listen.  There are an infinite number of websites and self help books out there that will tell you communication is key, but very few that explain how to get there.  Starting with these main ideologies and determining what "language" you and your partner are speaking will help guide the conversation and communication actively.

Relationships that dissolve supposedly because of “unrealistic expectations” in regards to Alpha topics such as the ones mentioned above, actually may have come apart anyway.  Getting real – honest and transparent – about consensual and commitment expectations in Alpha conversations may only accelerate dissolution because any impurities (dishonesty and nondisclosure) and flaws (insecurity and lack of transparency) that might be allowed to persist in your relationship, will only become more pronounced as you add more misunderstanding to the mix by adding secondary or new conversations.

For many other couples, Alpha conversation will only deepen and enrich the consensual relationship commitment you already have and enjoy. I am not saying saying it will always be smooth going, but knowing what you each want to maintain and what to develop in your relationship as you move forward will give you solid ground to stand on when things feel shaky.  Even a little bit of time spent on self-examination here will help down the road when challenges come up. By confirming a consensual partnership foundation in Alpha conversation, and making sure you’re on the same page about the relationship, you’ll have smoother Beta (secondary) conversations leading to a more satisfying partnership and easier communication.

Regardless of your partnership, gay/straight, open/poly/monogamous, various power dynamic structures, clarifying your message and giving feedback to your partner based on an understanding of their communication style and language will assist in a healthier relationship.  We can all empower ourselves with the variety of information on communication via the Internet or knowledgeable professionals. But being able to assimilate and use that information appropriately is the difference between successful communication and eventually giving up and walking out the door.

Relationship example

Malcolm, 28, and Dean, 29, are a couple that has been in a relationship for the past three years.  Dean was committed to Malcolm yet felt that the traditional/straight model of monogamy as the marker for loyalty, commitment and fidelity didn’t match his experience. He wanted to be a cock-tease; able to flirt under his lover’s supervision, and sometimes, with the consent of Malcolm, bring such spoils home for both of them to share in.

Malcolm was somewhat open to this idea, but worried that Dean wasn’t really committed to him and was just using something “new” and “different” as a way to avoid commitment. Before encouraging them to explore “new” and “different” with anyone else, I spent some months with them helping the couple sort out how they felt about their own relationship as it stood, and what it meant in the life of each man in the here and now.  Forming a foundation for consensual commitment and understanding helped confirm the couple's relationship and gave them a basis for making the additional changes for a happier, healthier commitment to each other.

Each partner in Malcolm and Dean's relationship had to determine what the term "commitment" meant to himself.  Both examined how committed to the other he was and what level of commitment each had for the other.  They determined if they were in the "pre-commitment" stage of the conversation where they determined if they were in a long-term relationship, somewhere in the middle, or had something else completely.  To be on the same page to communicate effectively, Malcolm and Dean examined their own beliefs in the Alpha-conversation and had to be honest about what their need, wants, and desires were.

Ask yourself questions

Alpha conversation opens up a steady flow of considerations for you and your lover.  Communication starts with self-examination and understanding of where we are coming from and where our partners are coming from.  Some other questions we should ask ourselves when looking for effective communication in a relationship are:  What else is going on in our life? Do you have space and time to devote to exploring consensual commitment and sexual development in your relationship? How much time and energy are we willing to put into this exploration? How will we handle different levels of resources, energy, attention, etc. practicably, as a couple?

Do you have the self-knowledge and communication skills to keep your existing relationship (the romance and the friendship) healthy and thriving? Can you anticipate some of the challenges that might emerge ahead of time? Where do you see room for yourself to grow?

Do I know what makes my partner feel happy, secure and loved? Am I willing to put extra attention on nurturing my existing relationship even as I make my way through the world? Where do I want to be sure to put that extra attention? Do I know what makes me feel happy, secure and loved? Am I willing to put extra effort into self-care and self-discovery? What opportunities do I see for myself here?

This understanding of what a good foundation for communication of our commitment to our relationships, will be further explored in a later GetLusty article.  My goal here is to help our readers get the most lust, sexy, satisfying, healthy relationship by offering tools for understanding each other and learning to be on the same page in our communications.  My last word of advice...in all of our endeavors, do It well; do It safe. And GetLusty!

He studies and writes about men and masculinity in MSM relationships, and gay couples getting lusty is JacoPhillip’s cup of tea. Our resident advisor on gay long-term relationships, JacoPhillip Crous is also known as Jacsman. A sex life educator, Jacsman consults in-person, on Skype, and by telephonic private sessions with couples and solo clients on ecstatic and intimate psycho-sexual lifestyle and development.

Jacsman promotes male2male dialogue that furthers understanding of masculine sexuality and MSM relationships. A research psychologist, he explores and investigates male psycho-sexual self-development phenomena, behaviours, experiences and knowledgeability. Find out more about JacoPhillip at: http://about.me/Jacsman.

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Ladies! 4 Tips on How to Get Him to Initiate Sex

Ladies, are you initiating the sex in your relationship more often than not? Does it seem like your partner never gets things started? Sex life coach Eric Amaranth is here with both why that is and solutions for your lover to get things moving!

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As a sex life coach, I hear a particular question fairly often: “How do I get him to initiate sex more often? I feel like I’m always the one who gets things started.” Some of the reasons why he may be doing this can combine together to make him even less likely to charge forward. These four tips are by no means a complete solution, but they are very solid things I tell my clients.

#1 One of the most common reasons why men, young and older, slow down their initiation of sex is because of their affectionate love for their women partners. Affectionate sweetness is absolutely necessary in a relationship.

However, the more a man feels that toward his girlfriend or wife, the less likely he is to be in the mindset of “taking her,” which is more about erotic desire satisfaction than soul mate feelings (though soul mate feelings and erotic desire can be combined). Especially if his partner is a mother as well, which is to many, an asexual role. (Inside tip: Don’t start calling your partner mommy or daddy even though the kids do.)

The first and most important step to fix this is awareness of it, combined with understanding that relationships are best when they have both erotic actions and affectionate actions. Next, I suggest spending a little time daydreaming about the sexiest parts of her body or how beautiful her pretty face looks when it’s in a sexual mode. Fantasize about what you want to do to her and feel from her. Look forward to the next time when you may have a moment to share in some hotness. Monogamous couples have to be more aware and practiced with retaining hot viewpoints of their partners. What makes that a bit more challenging leads us into point two:

#2 The law of diminishing returns. Also known as the brain’s love and favor of novelty in everything be it music, food, or sex. This is why it’s important to continue to actively build and care about your sex life the same way you do your financial/business life. Finance gets more focused attention by default because it’s what pays the bills. While it’s true that good sex doesn’t fit into the survival-in-the-world category, it definitely fits into the survival-of-your-relationship category. It also fits into the pursuit of happiness category, because, as we all know, there is more to life than survival.

What that means for you is when you are actively brainstorming on and practicing brand new, hot, and intimate sex ideas, or spicy variations on what works in the present, it sparks mental interest to start experimenting with those things or keep going with perfecting them. When that’s in place, initiating springs forth naturally and more frequently. In women too!

#3 A dynamic can emerge where the woman holds the keys to the bedroom: “I’m not in the mood.” – “I’m too tired.” – “F**k me now!” – “Don’t you want me?” etc. There are many reasons for this dynamic, which is a whole other article. The man recognizes this pattern and, in polite or begrudged deference to her, moves into a place where he waits for her to say the word. Sometimes unconsciously. Then she wonders what happened.

There is deeper detail to solving this dynamic for every given couple of course, but one thing I can suggest to try is when he initiates, even if you aren’t in the mood in the moment, start with long deep kissing. Tell him to kiss you slowly. It’s been shown that deep, slow kissing is a consistent way to get a woman in the mood. Combine that kissing as things warm up with hands caressing where they will. Make out with him. If his make out skills are good, you’ll get in the mood. Another great way to get in the mood is an oiled back, shoulders, and bum massage for her. That leads me to my last suggestion:

#4 When the two of you establish successful ways she or he loves to be seduced, so to speak, return to those methods when it’s time to initiate and do so confidently. For example, if she loves an oiled massage, walk up behind her and tell her slowly and distinctly that you want to feel her hot oiled [insert sexy bod part here]. Then you want to… etc etc. When you mention something sexual you want, that is also something she loves to have done to her, it’s a much more consistent path to her rapt interest.

Men can make the logical mistake of what has been called the, “Am I gonna get lucky tonight?” approach. It fails because it is based in a self-centered perspective of how sex will benefit him and him alone. It’s logical because he knows how good it’s going to feel to his penis. (Remember, the only one that has to orgasm to make babies is the male, so his path to that is much more efficient.) Men who still do this must take on a seduction style that reflects his and her desires and hot spots. This makes initiating even more commonplace because the answer is almost always yes and the resulting sex is amazing for both. As his sexual sophistication grows, he’ll brainstorm up new seduction/initiation methods, which keeps things varied and exciting

Check out the original post at Sex Life Coach NYC.

Have a spare 5 minutes? Help end boring sex and enter to win a Sqweel 2 (the world's best selling oral sex toy) at the same time! Take our quick survey by October 15th.

Eric Amaranth is a sex life coach, working in NYC and globally via video conference, who specializes in women’s and men’s sexuality, basic to advanced sex skills, and high-end sex education. Individuals and couples are guided toward the relationship, intimacy, and sexual enjoyment goals they desire most.

Amaranth believes that for the majority of people, appreciation of ourselves and our romantic partners is one of the best sustainable resources we have to continuously renew attraction, maintain respect, and stay in love with our partners. This bedrock of deep appreciation is founded and reinforced by the combination of loving relationship skills with breathtaking sexual skills. Follow him on Twitter @eric_amaranth.

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3 Ways To Reconnect for More Love This Weekend

Keeping happy and healthy relationships takes time and effort. They certainly don't fall out of the sky. In many romantic movies, there is almost always a, "happy ending". You might tear up, wishing that your relationship was that romantic and sweet.  Well, real relationships have ups and downs. They're not like the movies. Then again, love can be re-kindled and certainly can be re-ignited. So what does it take to maintain your love throughout the years? We'll have more articles on this topic, but re-connecting is an essential component to that. Here, Crimson Love reports on ways to re-connect for more love.

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Your relationship can be romantic and loving. In fact, your relationship should be amazing. At GetLusty, we believe if you put in effort, you too, can have an amazing sexual relationship! We also know you're busy. But daily or weekly, we've included several clear ways to re-connect and re-ignite your sparks around the love you both have for each other. Keep your relationship special. Re-connect! Read on.

1. Designate cuddle time

It may seem a little elementary for a couple to cuddle, but don't underestimate this activity. Turn off your phones and don't allow yourselves to be interrupted.

Taking the time to lay or sit together and cuddle allows you time to relax and reconnect both emotionally and physically.

Be fully present in the moment and take it all in, smell them, feel them, listen to them. There is no better place to be than to be in the arms of your lover.

2. Take a shower or bath together

Taking a shower or bath is a very intimate act in general, but doing it with your lover it makes it all the more special and intimate. Doing this allows you to see your lover in their most raw form and enjoy them in that way. Wash each other, shampoo your lovers' hair, take your time and don't rush. By doing this, you show your loved one your appreciation and care for them. Sometimes, you both want and need that boost and you don't even know it!


3. Cook together

Food is always a sensual experience when done right. Decide on a meal together, go to the store together if you can. Get in the kitchen, put on some music, drink some wine, feed each other and enjoy the time. Just have fun and catch up with each other.

When life gets busy, sometimes you have to be reminded to take time out with your honey and enjoy each others company. Give yourself the opportunity to fall in love or discover new things about each other. It keeps the relationship fresh and sweet.

With love from GetLusty!

This is a guest post by our very own Crimson Love. Crimson is our resident fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone!

Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson at amber@getlusty.com. 

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Why Won’t He Have Sex With Me?

Being fresh into a relationship can come up with numerous questions. Though many of our readers are in long-term relationships, we can remember thinking back to year one. Things were wonderful, but sometimes these new relationships come with some problems. What happens when your lover doesn't want to have sex? This question came from one of our followers, and what better way to introduce J. Cameron Gantt, the Insti(Gay)tor, and our go-to-gay for newly coupled dates and relationships!

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Dear GetLusty for Couples,

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year, but for the last 6 months I feel like we are stuck. Basically, we don’t have sex anymore. We used to have it on a daily basis and it was amazing. But lately it seems like he avoids it at all costs. He even goes as far as to start arguments with me just to kill the mood.

A few weeks ago, I caught him jerking off while looking at porn and he was totally into it…until he finally unglued his eyes from the screen and looked up. I wasn’t even mad at the fact that he was looking at porn, I was more upset because I felt betrayed. I have been sexually starved for 6 months, breaking my back trying to get our sex life back on track, and he’s been having jerk-fest at 3am while he thinks I’m asleep. I have tried to discuss this with him and even now he refuses to talk about it.

I love him, but I can’t hold out any longer. I don’t want to end things, but I have been considering cheating on him. If I do, I know that there will be no coming back from that. What can I do to help save things?

Sincerely
Billy Blu Balls, 35

Dear Billy Blu Balls,

Thanks for sharing! I am so sorry you are going through this. Bad sex is just as bad as no sex and both can drive a guy insane. Hopefully, my advice can help you get things back on track.

I don’t know your boyfriend, but I suspect that there is something deeper going on with him. Typically when sex patterns change, it is indicative that something deeper is going on. Maybe there has been a drastic change in another area of his life that has transitioned into the bedroom. Maybe he is having some self-esteem issues or maybe he’s addicted to porn…who knows. There is no real way for you to know for sure unless you two start communicating. Whatever he is going through is beyond your control and things aren’t going to get better unless he is willing to engage with you.

This is what I want you to remember: your needs are important, and though sex may not be the most important aspect of a relationship, it is a valid one (at least in the top 5). I appreciate your honesty but the fact that you are admitting to wanting to cheat on him may be a sign that this may not be the right relationship for you.

Here’s what I suggest:

Your relationship with him is still fairly new. We’d like to think that a year is a long period of time but the reality is that you two are barely scratching the surface of getting to know each other. I suggest you guys pull a “Ross and Rachel” and take a break. It sounds like both of you may need some space and figure out what type of relationship you have now, and the type of relationship you want to have moving forward.

The break shouldn’t last longer than 2 weeks and you make it a point not to contact each other until that period is over. During this time, you should focus on you and what you want and let him focus on him. At the end of the break, meet up in a neutral territory so you can get reacquainted with each other. Both of you should be open and honest about your wants and needs. See if there is any opportunity to repair what has been broken and, if you are both game, work together to and commit to making things better. I would even suggest hiring a helping professional to assist in moderating to avoid slipping back into the same old pattern. If you decide to break things off, make it a clean break and commit to living your best single gay sex life.

Either way, focus your time and energy on moving forward and not feeling stuck.

I hope things work out for you,
J. Cameron

J. Cameron Gantt is a Matchmaker and Certified Professional Coach specializing in gay dating and relationships. He is the founder of Insti(Gay)tor, a Chicago-based matchmaking agency for the gay community and has dedicated to his time to helping gay singles find love and live their best gay lives.

Cameron currently serves as an expert contributor on a variety of dating websites including Yourtango.com and Singleswarehouse.net. He also hosts a variety of GLBT singles events in the Chicagoland area. Connect with him on Twitter @instigaytor, Facebook and at Instigaytor.com.

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No Sex in Rough Waters? That's OK

We've written about why you should have sex when things are going rough. But what about the opposite? Sometimes not having sex is just as important as having sex. At a funeral or major life moment and not feeling sexy? That's totally natural. In fact, sometimes not having sex might be the best option at the time. Maybe talking or communication is what you both need to focus on.

Indeed, there are many other activities that can bring you both together in addition to (or alongside) great sex. GetLusty staff writer Mary-Margaret Sweene is here to talk about a personal story of when sex just wasn't going to happen. And that was totally OK.

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My boyfriend and I were taking the week off work. A "staycation," if you will. We had planned out every day, working from a list of things we'd both wanted to do since moving to Chicago. Not least among these things was good sex, and frequent sex. Sex at random times of day. Sex unfettered by a long, tiring day at the office. I was ready for the week.

But the first night of our long anticipated retreat from the real world, I got a phone call. Actually, I got about nine phone calls, all from my step family. I stepped away from our picnic dinner in the park to call back. Standing on the side of Lake Shore Drive, watching headlights fly past the quiet park I learned that my mother had died.

So much for that vacation.

We spent our week off, and then some, traveling to my hometown, planning a funeral, attending a funeral, and making our way back home to Chicago, tired and worn down. Our week of indiscriminate sexy time had actually been spent on a friend's air mattress, switching off between staring wide-eyed at the ceiling in disbelief or crying myself into a fitful sleep when my body finally just gave out.

Upon first hearing the news, I think I assumed that sex would be on the back burner for quite some time. I'm sure my boyfriend did. I definitely remember thinking as we packed our bags that this experience was either going to make us or break us. I was right.

Today is our one year wedding anniversary.

Before my mom died, we had talked about getting married eventually. Because we'd both experienced some pretty hairy relationships, we were content taking our time though. Looking back, perhaps I needed something to test it. And I certainly got it with the death of my mother. Two weeks after her funeral, I proposed. Not keen on wallowing in all of the mother/daughter moments that spring from weddings, we stood in front of our family and friends just twelve weeks after I had asked him to spend his life loving me.

During our first year of marriage, things didn't get easier. Unlike the end of a rom-com, the wedding did not end our troubles, tying up our story sweetly and neatly. Because life isn't like that. In our first year of marriage, I had a routine surgery that ended in severe infection and complications. The job I had loved completely changed and I made the decision to quit and take on debt to pursue what I really wanted to do in graduate school; a family member struggled with coming out; and, my adopted father died.

Not a super sexy year, for sure.

I've always been a sexual person. Sex has always been very important to me in a relationship. Choosing monogamy, sex is about the only thing I do with my spouse that I don't do with anyone else. And undoubtedly, deaths in the family and illness can trigger a sex sabbatical.

Or, it can rev things up. Sitting outside the funeral home awaiting my mother's wake, I said to my now-husband, "I want to go home to Chicago. I want our dog and I want to have sex again sometime!" I think he was surprised that I had been thinking about sex, and missing it. But after feeling completely upended by the events of that week, I wanted something familiar, happy, grounding, and engaging. I wanted a shared emotional experience that was not sad.

After the complications from my surgery had subsided, I wanted to feel sexy again after weeks in sweat pants, swirling around in a Vicodin stupor. "You are still you, and you are still here" sex reminded me. "Despite what how you feel, you are beautiful," my husband told me.

A year later, we're stronger for the sex we didn't have, and for the sex that came weeks late--or, really, right when we needed it.

Mary-Margaret McSweene is a writer and graduate student in Chicago. Her undergraduate degrees are in Social Justice Studies and Feminist Theory which basically means she knows how to ruin a dinner party by calling bullshit on another guest.

She spends inordinate amounts of time thinking, reading and writing about feminist issues, punctuated by brief respites to enjoy good tea and good beer. Contact her at editorial@getlusty.com or follow her on her brand new shiny Twitter, @MMMcSweene. Also, get in touch with her at mary@getlusty.com.

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GetLusty's Top 5 Favorite Books on Marriage

Being an amazing, loving couple isn't just about sex. Sex is an essential component to a great relationship, among other activities. We often don't define couples relationships as 'marriages' because many of our friends and allies are excluded from marriage. However, for now, let's consider the institution of marriage. Being a married couple can be an intensely amazing but complicated journey. Sometimes you need help and advice to get you through certain situations that often occur in every marriage.

We've read a variety of books on marriage, and now showcase the best. These books are also based on popular opinion. So below is a list of five books on marriage that GetLusty for Couples thinks can help you get through those bumps in your marriage! Remember, we recommend the best sexual relationships have 5 pillars, including wonderful communication. Our very own Rachael Milton reports.


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#1 The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
by Gary D Chapman

"New York Times bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman guides couples in identifying, understanding, and speaking their spouse’s primary love language—quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch."

#2 The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver

"Packed with practical questionnaires and exercises, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential."

#3 Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson

"In Hold Me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time. Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to re-establish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond."

#4 The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband by David Finch

"The warm and hilarious bestselling memoir by a man diagnosed with Asperger syndrome who sets out to save his marriage."


#5 His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Jr. Harley

"In the classic bestseller His Needs, Her Needs, Willard F. Harley, Jr., identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses. He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs."

* All summaries are quoted from Amazon.com

Got a favorite book on marriage? Tell us in the comments below!

Have a spare minute? End boring sex and enter to win a VulvaLoveLovely creation by 'Liking' GetLusty for Couples on Facebook!

Rachael is our own marketing specialist and on special occasions a writer. She spends her time researching and creating art revolving around sci-fi, the internet, and now sex! Rachael lives and works in Chicago with her boyfriend and kawaii pet guinea pig Tony Hawk. Find out more at rachaelmilton.net.

 Have any questions? Get in touch via rachael@getlusty.com.

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Podcast! Eric Amaranth on Keeping Monogamy Steamy

Eric Amaranth took an unusual approach to his training as a sex coach by apprenticing under the legendary Betty Dodson for ten years instead of going to graduate school, but he wouldn't change a thing about it.

Now with his own practice, Eric uses his unique form of therapy to help clients with intimacy and adding novelty to the bedroom. We chatted with him and recorded his insights for your listening pleasure.

More on what we talked about:

• What got Eric into sex coaching? He noticed a need for people who could professionally teach how to create pleasure rather than simply treating sexual abuse or dysfunction.
• He apprenticed under Betty Dodson for ten years, forming a long-running professional, emotional, and physical relationship with his mentor.
• Although he and Betty were non-monogamous, there are disadvantages to adapting that lifestyle, Eric says; jealousy, especially when your partner's other lovers have a skill or advantage that you don't possess, can be one of the biggest challenges.
• A big challenge for monogamous couples? Adding novelty and variety to your relationship. Try new things, add them to your repertoire, and practice, practice, practice! Sex can lose its excitement even if you're awesome in bed, he says.
• Waiting for someone to come along to help you recreate an explosive first time experience? Don't hold your breath, Eric says. Don't get overly attached to an isolated moment because it pressures your partner to recreate an event that may not be possible the second time around.
• What does Eric recommend add novelty to a long-term relationship? Turn off the TV! Even if it's just for 10-15 minutes, re-orient your priorities and you may be surprised how much time is left over for intimacy.
• Want sex to be spontaneous? Even when sex is planned, add anticipation by sending sexy texts to your significant other throughout the day to help build up to the big event.

More about Eric:

Eric Amaranth is a sex life coach who specializes in women’s and men’s sexuality, basic to advanced sex skills, and high-end sex education. Eric is not a psychology-based “sex therapist,” which is the term that the public uses to refer to every professional in his field, regardless of training background. After graduating from The College of William and Mary, he went on to become the ten-year protege of pioneering sex coach Betty Dodson, PhD.

Eric’s sex life coaching is made for adults. He has knowledge and methodology differences that set him apart from what psychology-based sex therapists have to offer. Individuals and couples are guided toward the sexual relationship, intimacy, and connection goals they desire most. Upon request, he also coaches his clients on the holistic wellness and sexual health and STD information he has successfully integrated into his own life.

Amaranth believes that for the majority of people, appreciation of ourselves and our romantic partners is one of the best sustainable resources we have to continuously renew attraction, maintain respect, and stay in  love with our partners. This bedrock of deep appreciation is founded and reinforced by affectionate touch and breathtaking sexual capability. It’s what keeps partners close through the hard times. It makes partners and spouses into lovers, not distant roommates. It gives you hot sex as well as loving sex. It builds sexual desire and makes us feel alive and happy. This feeling is a crucial oasis. It lowers stress and improves our professional, marital and parenting lives. It also contributes to physical, mental, and emotional health and happiness.

Eric sees consistent success in his coaching practice with eliminating two things: clients’ infidelity interests or activities and considerations of breakup or divorce based on sexual problems and imbalances. Eric works with clients from all over the world toward his ambitious goal that his brand of sex life coaching would one day significantly reduce the instances of divorce. That’s the big picture that Amaranth wants to paint for people today and tomorrow.

Eric lives in New York City, in Manhattan, with his much-loved girlfriend. Connect with Eric on his website, www.sexlifecoachnyc.com, or find him on Facebook and Twitter @Eric_Amaranth.

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3 Strong Celebrity Couples We Love

Celebrities relationships are fodder for gossip magazines and wild speculation, but readers often forget that they are real people in a real relationships. They face problems and triumphs just like every other couple. Below, GetLusty for Couples' Rachael Milton lists just a few of our favorite strong couples (that happen to also be celebrities).

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Roseanne Barr & Johnny Argent

You might remember Roseanne from her show. Well, those days are over. Roseanne Barr and boyfriend since 2003 Johnny Argent are such a great celebrity couple. They met when Johnny Argent submitted to a writing contest hosted on Roseanne's website. What an interesting way to connect with someone, right?

They are an older couple that stand together as they face the realities of a changing sex life due to menopause, a working relationship, and media attention. Their support of each other's work is evident--crucial to any successful relationship. Johnny supported Roseanne's decision to run for President of the United States and Roseanne supports Johnny's work as a musician and artist.You can watch Roseanne and Johnny together on their macadamia nut farm in the hilarious reality show "Roseanne's Nuts".

Ellen DeGeneres & Portia de Rossi

Ellen and Portia were married in 2008 but have been dating since 2004 when they met backstage at an awards show. As a highly visible lesbian couple, they are seen as role models for gay couples across the world. They are both successful in their individual careers and are both so funny! Portia de Rossi made a spoof video about the backlash on her marriage from those who supported Prop. 8 that I believe shows how Portia and Ellen view their relationship: unapologetic and full of love.

Those qualities also apply to their choice to remain childless, which came under media scrutiny. In her 2011 book Seriously... I'm Kidding Ellen wrote, "We thought about it. We love to be around children after they've been fed and bathed. But we ultimately decided that we don't want children of our own. There is far too much glass in our house." Their relationship is strong because they realize their relationship works best for them and not about succumbing to the pressures of the media and public.

Michael Douglas & Catherine Zeta Jones

Married in 2000, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones have two kids together and are working together to pull through some tough years, as all long-term couples will have to do. In 2010, Michael announced that he was battling advanced throat cancer.

Although he is now cancer-free, the stress for both the patient and the loves ones can be powerfully upsetting. I'm glad that their family made it through the experience intact.

In fact, they renewed their vows on their 10 year wedding anniversary! Michael and Catherine are an example of a couple that has gone through illness and family drama but stuck together and come out on the other side even stronger than before.


This article was written by Rachael Milton. Rachael is GetLusty's marketing specialist and on special occasions a writer. She spends her time researching and creating art revolving around sci-fi, the internet, and now sex! Rachael lives and works in Chicago with her boyfriend and kawaii pet guinea pig Tony Hawk. Find out more at rachaelmilton.net. Have any questions? Get in touch via rachael@getlusty.com.

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Our Top 10 Favorite Sex & Relationship Therapists

The GetLusty team is constantly learning new things about sex and relationships — that's part of what keeps the job so interesting and energetic! The amazing group of people listed here are making new insights into sexual health and relationship therapy; they are a continual source of knowledge for us and we greatly admire them.

Every therapist has certain areas of expertise and are suited to council people in different arenas and if you have ever considered looking into sexual or relationship therapy we encourage you to do extensive research on who might be the best therapist for you. Below are 10 professionals that we believe are exemplary sex positive therapists, researchers and counselors. GetLusty for Couple's Rachael Milton reports.

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#1 Enliven Couples Therapy: Kimberly Sharky, LMFT, CST and Amy Freier, LPC make up Enliven Couples Therapy. Enliven is a great resource based in Chicago that focuses on couples therapy, sex therapy and relationship coaching. A great resource for couples therapy in our home base, Chicago!

#2 Rachael L. Ross, MD, PhD.: An advocate of frank sex talk, Dr. Rachael (pictured left) is an accomplished medical doctor and sexologist. She has been a guest on many different TV and radio shows, quoted in magazines, and recently published her first book Down Right Feel Right – Outercourse For Her & For Him. 

#3 Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D.: Dr. Greenberg treats couples that have "issues of trust, communication breakdown, loss of intimacy, and destructive ways of relating. I focus on attachment and communication styles as well as respect, creating intimacy, deescalating conflict, and constructive expression." She has an impressive history in academia that you can view on her website.

#4 Joy Davidson, Ph.D.: Dr. Joy specializes in relationship counseling and sex therapy with topics ranging from sexless marriages to resolving conflicts and fights. She has written several books, her most recent being Colors of Passion: Awakening Desire, Rediscovering Pleasure which you can purchase here.

#5 Joe Kort, Ph.D., LMSW: Dr. Joe Kort is the founder and director of The Center Relationships and Sexual Health. He specializes in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy and IMAGO Relationship Therapy, which he describes as a "program involving communication exercises designed for couples to enhance their relationship and for singles to learn relationship skills".

#6 Cynthia Lief Ruberg, LPCC, LLC: Cynthia (pictured left) has an extensive history in treating sexual and relationship issues and believes that "each partner is affected by the other's sexual concerns and that a couple's sexual concerns commonly impact their relationship and vice versa." We agree Cynthia!

#7 Dorree Lynn, Ph.D.: Dr. Lynn believes that sexually satisfying relationships can be achieved no matter how old you are so she founded the website Fifty and Furthermore, which provides information and advice on sexual health and relationships for the over-50 crowd.

#8 Michael Castleman, MA: Michael Castleman is a journalist, sex therapist and sex educator. The goal of Great Sex After 40 is to inform  people that "with a little information and some erotic adjustments, sex after 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 can be quite enjoyable, possibly the best sex of your life."

#9 Roger Libby, Ph.D.: Dr. Libby (pictured left) is an internationally recognized sexologist, social psychologist, sociologist and a board certified sex therapist. Dr. Libby has an extensive CV and is also an author, radio host and professor.


#10 Dr. Janell Carroll: A sexologist and professor, Dr. Carroll encourages open discussion surrounding the many aspects of sex and relationships. She is also an accomplished author with a wide selection of greats books that you can check out on her website.

Have you heard about the next version of GetLusty for Couples? Our beta launches December 7th. Sign up to be a part of it. From Chicago to the world, you'll find advice, date ideas, ways to improve your communication skills and yes, continued recommendations on the hottest things to spice up your couple.

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