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Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts

4 Workout Tips for Better Sex & Orgasms

Having a healthy body (as defined by ourselves, not others) is mind-blowingly hot. What's not to love about feeling good with yourself, inside and out? Count on being more emotionally and physically fit, not to mention being better in bed! Being healthy is one of the biggest actions to promote self love you can do. Our resident Sex Life Coach Eric Amaranth talks about getting healthy for better sex. What could be better?

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It is absolutely true that a sex life can be enjoyed regardless of the shape someone is in. My sex life coaching works for a wide range of body types. It is also true that people in better shape have certain advantages in the bedroom. This blog post will cover several of the most relevant muscle groups for both women and men plus the effect they have on your sex and orgasm quality and possibilities.

#1 Abs

This muscle group is one of the most important for men (or women on top). The abs are called on most to drive the pelvis during missionary and sideways missionary intercourse, which is still quite popular. Speeding up the rhythm of his thrust multiplies the effort required to keep up that pace.

Slow is also great, can contribute perfectly to big orgasms, and fast can make it feel like a blur of friction that isn’t as good as the details you can feel with slow. That said, fast has its place and specific advantages too. There are times when certain types of penetration must be done at a rapid rate based on the needs of his partner’s body/genitals to reach orgasm or have the best time possible. There still other situations that have nothing to do with the receiving partner’s needs and everything to do with the man expressing his overpowering desire for his partner and masculine sexual intention.

Abs also play a lesser role in many other positions because they will be recruited for most forms of thrusting. This is why I put abs workouts at the top of the list. The more crunches you can do, the more endurance you’ll have, which translates into being able to thrust rapidly for a longer period of time, which is exactly what your partner may need for a favorite type of big orgasm. Triggering certain orgasms in a given person can also require specific forms of energy-intensive stimulation. If you have what it takes to trigger it, great! If not, then that’s okay, but it’s time to get back in the gym.

My favorite way to workout my abs is with a abs machine that allows me to increase the weight over time in a precise way. After you do crunches to a certain point, curling your own body weight wont be enough for further gains. Crunches on the floor are hard on your tail bone and low back. You also wont be able to add more weight resistance to your crunches in a way that is easy to manage for the majority of people. I’ve seen my most consistent gains in my abs since using a crunches machine.

#2 Quads/thighs

This muscle group is equally important to abs for both women and men. Strong, developed thighs allow a woman to sit astride her man (or penetrating woman) and buck and grind for as long as she wants or needs to drive him or her or herself over the edge into a big-O. This is a popular position for indirect clitoral stimulation during intercourse which works nicely for those women with a clitoris sensitive enough to build up and orgasm from vaginal penetration plus indirect clitoral stimulation against her partner’s pelvis.

Even if a woman is not sensitive enough she can still use this position and combine other forms of direct clitoral stimulation with it. I have a personal attraction to women with developed thighs. I call these thighs “sex engines” because, besides looking sexy, driving a woman’s thrusts during female superior/cowgirl is one thing they’re made for. This position when done a certain way provides a unique form of stimulation to the head of the penis via her cervix.

Thighs are also important in other positions for men as well. Particularly positions with men and doing the thrusting on their knees. The usual weight training for thighs are good: squats and quad-targeting machines. On any of my weight training workouts, I follow a pattern of 10 reps at such and such weight, rest one minute, 8 at a bit higher weight, rest one minute, then a weight setting where I can do 4 to 6 reps before my muscles can lift no more. Rest for two minutes, then do 4 to 6 again. I repeat two more times and then I’m finished with that muscle group.

#3 Butt

The glutes are a big deal in sex. Practically and visually. For both genders, it’s simple: everyone loves to view and touch a partner’s toned, attractive bum. On a practical note, the glutes do join with the abs to help give locomotion to thrusting and other hip movements. This is an opportune time to mention that one of the things I learned early on was that rocking hips are not just a male form of physical sexual expression. I found that women also rock hips often as their body’s way of expressing the enjoyment of the sensations. I was taught that hip bobbing in women is often good to build arousal because it is sexual body language and will urge the mind to go into a more deeply aroused place. I suggest to women clients, as does my mentor, to experiment with different levels of hip bobbing and thrusting to see how it affects them and makes things better.

I’ve tried a number of different exercises that do work the glutes, but no exercise does it for me like a glutes machine. Not even squats. Squats can’t isolate the glutes like that machine can. I don’t see them in every gym, but look around in yours and try it out for a month or two using the workout method I described above. Because glutes are a large muscle group, you’ll see noticeable changes faster than in smaller muscle groups like the arms. Speaking of which….

#4 Arms

We all know women who love men love a pair of muscled arms. It reminds me of what men lust for in breast size and shape. The visual appeal is obvious and also the strength they can exert during sex is exciting. Specifically along these lines is going back to endurance again. The stronger the arms, the more endurance they have to do manual sexual skill sets (using your hands and things held by your hands) that require higher energy output for a given partner whose sex organs need more speed and power to best facilitate specific types of intense orgasms. Not running out of juice right as she’s rising up to climax was a good reason for me to get into curls and tricep work.

I like doing standing dumbell curls for my biceps and standing cable pulldowns for my triceps. Done with the same format as above. My decision to target first the specific muscle groups that serve me best in sex turned out to be a very good idea. Two more things:

1. Google workouts to increase breast size. You won’t increase the breast tissue volume, but a bit more prominence of the pecs will improve the overall look.

2. I prefer sprints and resting for a minute or two on the treadmill to long-distance running for cardiovascular exercise. That said, throwing some cardio in there is really good for stamina during intercourse.

Check out the original post at Sex Life Coach NYC.

Eric Amaranth is a sex life coach, working in NYC and globally via video conference, who specializes in women’s and men’s sexuality, basic to advanced sex skills, and high-end sex education. Individuals and couples are guided toward the relationship, intimacy, and sexual enjoyment goals they desire most.

Amaranth believes that for the majority of people, appreciation of ourselves and our romantic partners is one of the best sustainable resources we have to continuously renew attraction, maintain respect, and stay in love with our partners. This bedrock of deep appreciation is founded and reinforced by the combination of loving relationship skills with breathtaking sexual skills. Follow him on Twitter @Eric_Amaranth.

The 10 Commandments of Sex & Food



Sex and food go together like peanut butter and jelly. We have already talked about why food and sex work so well together and how to spice things up in your kitchen. But when involving food and sex we should always follow a set of commandments. No one wants any spicy peppers or hot oils near our pleasure zones! Ouch! So if you are ready to bring some sexy food into your love life read on! Dr. Jenn is here with her 10 commandments concerning food and sex!

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Commandment #1

Many fresh fruits are sensual and nutritious. Choose five of different colors and shapes and create a fruit plate of foreplay.

Commandment #2 

Eating small amounts of dark chocolate is not only pleasing to your taste buds, it also raises your body’s endorphins.

Commandment #3 

Double the amount of time you usually spend eating a meal and chew each bite longer to truly experience the food

Commandment #4 

Pay attention to all five senses when you’re in the bedroom and be present with regard to the pleasant sensations felt in the moment.


Commandment #5 

Create your own aphrodisiacs – take turns once a week preparing or buying a meal or special food item that is all about pleasing your partner.

Commandment #6 

Eat a rainbow of fresh vegetables regularly for the high fiber and vitamins and minerals. A healthy you can lead to a healthy sex drive.

Commandment #7 

Spend 20 minutes eating an orange, alone or with a partner; be mindful of what it is like to make love to that orange.


Commandment #8 

If you are going to indulge in foods that you think are guilty pleasures, don’t feel guilty and just enjoy the experience (and the pleasures).

Commandment #9 

Never put sweet items in your vagina because the sugar can increase the chance of a bacterial infection.

Commandment #10 

Avoid foods that make you feel bloated and sluggish (fried foods, refined carbohydrates, rich cream sauces, saturated fats, or excessive sugar) – it doesn’t feel sexy!

Keeping these commandments in mind, go forth and enjoy your sexual experience with all your senses!

Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, is a sociologist, sexuality speaker, and sex therapist, with a passion for challenging people to sexually think outside the box.

Dr. Jenn is a public speaker on topics including healthy relationships, love, gender, mindfulness, erotic play, and happiness. She counsels individuals and couples, in person and over Skype, to assist in creating and maintaining open communication and fulfilling intimacy. Dr. Jenn is a contributing writer for Pacific San Diego Magazine and is a sex and relationship expert on Fox 5 news and San Diego Living. Follow her on Twitter at  @DrJennsDen and Facebook.

7 Reasons You Should Sleep Naked

Naked November is finally here! Unless you are a nudist, you spend most of your time clothed. We are so used to being bundled up that we have no clue what we look like au naturale. Naked November at GetLusty.com is all about shedding your layers, physically and emotionally, and getting naked! If you are new to this whole naked thing, there is some good news! You have about 8 hours in a day where you can be naked in a safe and comfortable environment. Sleeping naked is freeing and we recommend it! So strip down and hop into bed. GetLusty's Lora Swarts is here with 7 reasons to start sleeping in the buff!

Note: If you live in Minnesota don't sleep naked because it's against the law!

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#1 It's comfortable

Clothes are never really comfortable when you snooze. Underwear, boxers, and t-shirts all bunch up! Stop tossing and turning and opt for a more relaxed and cozy night time outfit: your own skin. Sleeping naked may not cure insomnia, but it will give you a more comfortable night's sleep.

#2 Beat the heat 

Sure, it's November. And if you are anywhere like Chicago, it's getting chilly outside. But with the heat blasting, sleeping under all those blankets can get hot. Going nude, even in the winter months, will keep you from sweating!

#3 Go green 

The less you wear, the less you wash. Save Mother Nature and a few loads of laundry by going naked. You won't need to wash your pajamas and other nightly negligees every week, which saves you time and money while helping the environment.

#4 Sex, sex, sex

Great sex comes from having confidence. When you are worried about your body, chances are your sex won't be that great. For better sex, sleep naked! Get comfortable in your own skin! If you are married or live with your partner, invite them to go nude too. Sleeping naked doesn't have to always lead to sex; it's such a wonderful and sensual moment to just hold each other nude. However, there are pros to sleeping naked together — when you don't have to unbutton shirts or deal with bra hooks, sex is that much easier and more frequent.

#5 It's healthy

It is liberating to come home and undress from those restrictive clothes you wore for hours at a time. So stay naked once you undress for bed. Being naked gives your pores access to more oxygen that it then uses to pump clean healthy blood to your brain, heart and vital organs. So get naked and let every surface of your body breathe while you sleep.

#6 More Confidence 

It is scary to be naked when we aren't comfortable in our own skin. Being that raw and vulnerable is difficult for anyone! Going naked exposes all the parts we tend to hide or improve with clothing. As you see and feel your naked body you begin to embrace every curve, freckle, scar and any other imperfections you think you have. So remove your clothes and start loving yourself. Your confidence will soar and negative thoughts will dissolve.

#7 It's Fun! 

Being naked is so freeing! Have you ever heard of Chicago's annual World Naked Bike Ride? Naked individuals ride their bicycles at night as a way of celebrating the human body and freedom from oil. No, you don't have to go streaking to have fun, but once you start sleeping naked, you may start cooking naked, cleaning naked and just being naked more in general! The more living you do naked, the happier you will be with you body too.

Lora is our Editorial intern and resident health nut. When she is not writing, you can find her on her yoga mat, exploring Chicago via bicycle or spending time with her wonderful boyfriend and Beagle puppy in their north side apartment. She has a habit of spending too much money on soy lattes and yoga clothes. Find her on Twitter @HoneyNutLo. Have any questions? Email her at Lora@getlusty.com

3 Stretches for Better Thrusting During Sex

One of the best things you can do for your sex life is regular exercise. Constantly working on your stamina as well as regularly using your muscles to keep them limber and strong is a direct payoff. So what is the down side? Getting into a regular exercise routine can be harder than we give it credit for.
Our newest staff writer, Brittany Meyer, is here to help with the top 5 stretches to enhance your sex live with being more limber for stronger thrusts.

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Comedienne Lynne Koplitz jokes that sex when you’re younger is an event. You prepare, stretch and eat lighter meals. We find it laughable. But why don’t we put more effort into preparing for sex? It is easy to see how needing to eat a lighter meal or going to the gym earlier that day could make obvious improvements in our sexual endeavors but so many people take these small tasks for granted. I can understand that we have many things happening in our lives ranging from fun to obligations that we cannot commit everything we do to our sex lives but we should all be taking small steps to help improve it.

For those of you in a transition period where you would like to be more agile for sex but are having time commitment issues, we would like to offer a medium! Regular stretching is one of the best ways to keep yourself limber and will help avoid cramping while giving you more energy. These can be done for 20 minutes as a morning routine or even a 10 minutes warm-up for the bedroom in the evening.

We use all the muscles in our body for sex but there are 5 major groups we recommend you focus your stretches on; Back, stomach, buttocks, hips and hamstrings. In Part 1, we reviewed hips and hamstrings. Did you see our other article on stretching other muscle groups for better sex? While we recommend you pay the most attention to the muscle groups you will be using the most (depending on the positions you prefer to do), these are the major muscles that you will typically use.

When you are going through these stretches, don't be afraid to incorporate small stretching techniques you are familiar with as you go to keep the blood flowing and keep yourself comfortable. As a reminder about stretching, always do it at your own level. The stretches described below are only the recommended procedure; adjust them to your abilities so you do not overexert yourself! Nothing is worse than pulling a muscle when you are working towards improving your sex life.

#1 Don't put your back out (the back stretch)

Why the abs and lower back?

Core power. The abs and lower back muscles are used for the thrusting motions of sex. Finnish researchers say that people with weak core muscles are more than three times more likely to suffer from lower back pain. Strong abs also hold your belly so it won’t flop over and get in the way of business.

This stretch is relaxing and a beginner level so it's very easy to do. This was aided by Discovery Channel's back stretch article.

How to get into it:

Lay on your back with your legs flat on the ground. Bring both legs up your chest. Then, grab the underside of your knees. Hold this for 30-60 seconds (always at your own level!) and then release and lay flatly on the ground again.

#2 Thrust with a stronger core (the ab stretch)


Again, strong abdominals--as well as a strong pelvic floor--is beneficial for multiple areas of sex, including improved thrusting, as well as more powerful orgasms.

While this is a common stretch, it is also low impact and reaches many of the muscles throughout the stomach.

How to get into it:

Lay on your stomach with your arms at your side. Using your arms only as braces, lay your forearms on the ground by your side and pull your upper body up as if you are looking straight forward while your hips stay locked on the ground.

Once you stretch those upper stomach muscles, you can modify the exercise to extending your arms all the way so you are supported by your hands flat on the ground with your hips still locked down. You will notice you will have a much more severe arch and will feel the stretch from your upper stomach down to your pelvis. Hold for 15 seconds at first and repeat for a longer time if you can.

#3 Get your blood pumping (with glute muscule AKA butt stretches)

Butt muscles (also known as glutes and hamstrings) are absolute wonderful when you're getting into various positions, including woman-on-top. Also, workouts for your lower body can increase blood flow "In your [bodies'] Southern Hemisphere" says explains Debbie Mandel, MA, a stress and fitness expert and the author of, "Addicted to Stress: A Woman’s 7-Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life."

Some may find these more helpful than others but since your gluts are integral with your hips, back and hamstrings, it is good to add some focus to this part of your body for maximum flexibility and comfort.

How to get into it:

Lay on your back again with your legs at rest and your feet flat on the floor. Cross your left ankle over your right thigh and grab the underside of your right thigh. Pull your thigh to your stomach bringing your foot as far in as you can to your body. Hold for 15 seconds. Switch and repeat with your right ankle. The easier it feels the longer you can hold the position.


Brittany just moved to Chicago after finishing her degree from FSU and arrived with a thirst to learn about everything that has to do with sex. Having been involved with The F-Word, The Vagina Monologues, amateur drag and a Human Sexuality course, she is a very sex positive lady. When she's not admiring architecture or looking for a design job, Brittany does stand-up comedy and thinks of ways to make people on the CTA feel uncomfortable. She also eats high-fives for breakfast.  Follow her on twitter @sedanimal. E-mail her at brittany@getlusty.com.

Disclaimer: This information is solely for informational purposes. It is not intended to provide medical advice. Neither the Editors of GetLusty for Couples, Passionate Productions LLC, the author nor publisher take responsibility for any possible consequences from any treatment, procedure, exercise, dietary modification, action or application of medication which results from reading or following the information contained in this information. The publication of this information does not constitute the practice of medicine, and this information does not replace the advice of your physician or other health care provider. Before undertaking any course of treatment, the reader must seek the advice of their physician or other health care provider.

6 Types of Sit Ups for Better Posture

A key component of amazing sex is a healthy body! Have you ever noted how your posture influences your mood? What others think and feel about you?  When was the last time you did a situp, anyway? Well, you're right. A strong core--including stomach/ab muscles can greatly improve your posture. A good way to work those abs out? Sit ups! But not any ol' sit-ups. GetLusty staff writer and fitness writer, Arturo Chilaca, is here to talk about the first in his series on fitness for better sex. Six kinds of sit ups (that you may never have tried)!

Disclaimer: Please be mindful of your body. If something hurts, please don't keep doing it. Consult your doctor before trying a new fitness and diet regimen. Please don't sue GetLusty for Couples.

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A key factor to sexuality is your posture. Your stance alone can easily identify the kind of person you are. Whether you slouch over or stand with confidence. You don’t need to have the perfect face or body to be sexy. It’s all about confidence in your character and yourself. Sit-ups help with your posture as well as tone the muscles that both sexes find extremely attractive.

There are hundreds of sit-ups to do, but I am going to list some simple sit ups to advance that work out your abdominal muscles to the V cut which many people struggle to get. Either way, having a strong core is great for your mind, body and sexuality. So stay strong and start with these sit ups!

The order is from easiest to hardest. 

#1 The traditional sit-up

The easiest to start with you lay flat on the ground bend your knees and keep your feet flat on the ground. You keep your hands either behind your head hands interlaced or keep them in front of you crossed over your chest. If you’re a beginner, this exercise will require you to have someone hold your feet in place. If you are at that advance stage, do the sit up without anyone holding your feet. Make sure your feet aren't moving all over the place, though. Simply go up till your elbows pass your knees and go back down.

#2 Crunches

Similar to the sit up. The only difference is instead of going all the way up. You only go up half-way so using your abdominal muscles. You can also criss-cross each hand on your shoulders for slightly less support.

#3 Bicycles

You start similar to the sit up. Except now you lift your legs off the ground and keep them bent in the air. Your hands stay behind your head interlaced. You bring your left knee and right elbow to touch as close as you can while your right leg straightens out. Come back to the starting position and do the same for the right knee and left elbow. The faster you can do this work out the better, the more of a burn you feel.

#3 Bent leg raise

How to get into this one? Lay flat on your back knees bent and you place your hands at the lower part of your back. Then, bring your legs into your chest and then extend them outward, keeping your feet 6 inches above the ground and chin to your chest. Hold this position for 60 seconds, then bring them back into your chest and back to placing your feet flat on the floor again.

#4 Side bridge

For this exercise, start on your side stack. Your feet on top of each other and your forearm under your shoulder, your other hand placed over your belly button or on your hip. Lift your hips off the floor keep your body in a straight line from head to toe. Do this exercise for 60 seconds (or start off with 20 seconds and work your way up), then switch over to your side and repeat the same steps.

#5 V-Up

For the starting position, lay flat on the ground with your hands at a forty-five degree angle, palms facing downward. Your head is tucked into your chest about one to two inches off the ground. Then, raise your upper body and legs up in the shape of a V as your hands stay flat on the ground. Bring your body back down slowly keeping your head and feet off the ground. Your feet should be about two inches off the ground when returning to the start position. Start off with at least 10 to get a feel for the exercise.

#6 Leg tuck and twist

The starting position is you sitting down hands placed by your hips with your legs slightly off the ground creating a forty five degree angle with your body.

First, bring your legs to the left side of your body as close as you can. Then return to the starting position and have your legs go to right side. This is a four count sit up. That's considered one!

Well done, GetLusty readers. You've worked out your abs and gotten closer to having great health and a positive posture.

Arturo Chilaca has a wealth of knowledge on health. He's a workout buff, Army reserve and helping others become fit. Favorite things to do would be workout, basketball, helping other get into shape, and enjoying a good movie. Arturo is a very open-minded guy and he wants to make the most of life in gain new experiences constantly. Get in touch with him at editorial@getlusty.com

3 Stretches for Better Sex




Stretching for better sex? Yes. You heard right. Stretching can be relaxing and can also prepare you for a long, enjoyable sex session! Our newest staff writer and stretching enthusiast, Brittany Meyer, is here for the first in a two-part series on stretching for better sex.

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Comedienne Lynne Koplitz jokes that sex when you’re younger is an event—you prepare, stretch, eat lighter meals, etc. We find it laughable but why don’t we put more effort into preparing for sex? It is easy to see how needing to eat a lighter meal or going to the gym earlier that day could make obvious improvements in our sexual endeavors but so many people take these small tasks for granted. I can understand that we have many things happening in our lives ranging from fun to obligations that we cannot commit everything we do to our sex lives but we should all be taking small steps to help improve it.

While we use all the muscles in our body for sex, there are five muscle groups you should be focusing on: Hips, hamstrings, back, stomach and buttocks. The last three will be continued in the next article but try beginning with these two basic stretches focusing on the hips and hamstrings.

#1 Hips

This one is a personal favorite and will need to be adjusted based on your flexibility and possesses some cross over with stretching your thighs and back. It also takes a little longer than the other recommended stretches but once you take the time to open these muscles up, they will feel open for hours. This is a great stretch and has noticeable improvement the more you do it.

Sit on the ground with your feet pressed against each other and (within you limits) bring your feet in as close to your groin as you can. The shape your legs make will resemble anything from a square to a sharp diamond depending on your flexibility. Cup your hands over your feet and lean forward as far as you can. You will want to hold this for at least 1 minute. Take a break, stretch your legs forward, stretch your arms and repeat. The longer you can hold this and the closer you can bring your legs into your groin area the more you open up your hip muscles.

#2 Hamstrings

Nobody wants to pull a hammy and there are many exercises designated to prevent this. Below are two exercises, one more low impact and one that is a little more intense.

First: Sit with both legs straight in front of you. Start slow by pointing and flexing your toes towards the ceiling and forward. Once you feel comfortable, slide your arms forward down your legs as if you are trying to grab your feet. Go your own pace—if you can grab your feet, great! If not, make a goal to touch your knees or your mid calves. Hold this for 30 at a time and then relax. Repeat 2-3 times or whatever is within you comfort zone.

Second: This can be boiled down to being called a modified lunge. Stand with both legs together and step one of your feet out in front of you, forming a 90 degree angle with your bent knee. Place your hands on your hips for balance and do your best to keep your body straight. Hold for 5-10 seconds and repeat with opposite leg. I recommend doing 5 on each leg to feel results but do not overexert yourself, this can be a physically draining exercise if done too much.

Doing these exercises regularly will improve energy levels and enable you to have longer, more sensational sex. If you feel awkward about warming up in front of your partner, allot yourself some private time when you get home from work to try these out or wake up early and try them in another room. Even better, this could be a good way for the two of you to get more active together! The more comfortable you get with these, do some research to add another stretch every week. Regular upkeep with this routine will open the doors to a gym schedule and you will feel more comfortable and in shape than just starting from scratch. Just remember to work at your own pace and that this is a commitment to more gratifying sex for both of you.

Brittany just moved to Chicago after finishing her degree from FSU and arrived with a thirst to learn about everything that has to do with sex. Having been involved with The F-Word, The Vagina Monologues, amateur drag and a Human Sexuality course she is a very sex positive lady. When she's not admiring architecture or looking for a design job, Brittany does stand-up comedy and thinks of ways to make people on the CTA feel uncomfortable. She also eats high-fives for breakfast. Follow her on twitter @sedanimal. E-mail her directly at brittany@getlusty.com.

3 Ways to Communicate Sexual Gratitude

Alright ladies, we have all had those days. Your partner just isn't pleasing you. It's hard to say what you want and your subtle hints are too subtle. Now you're left unsatisfied. What should you do? From GetLusty to you, here are 3 ways to help your lover please you--with sexual gratitude for what he's done to date. Saying what a great job he's done (or she's done, indeed) can go a long way in them wanting to improve. GetLusty staff writer Crimson Love reports.

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#1 Tell them

Let's say you're making love with your partner. He does something that you really, really like but doesn't keep doing it. Why? He didn't catch the hint when you moaned louder.

What do you do? Tell him! Sometimes men are not the best, shall we say, at picking up indirect hints. You could say "Ooh! Baby, that feels so good, keep doing that." Alternatively, "Oh! I really, really like that". These testaments are straight forward and encouraging all at once. They support him in pleasuring you. They reassure men they're doing the right thing because sometimes your partner can wonder.

#2 Get flirty... sext!

Another great solution to help your man (or woman, indeed) to get the hint is, be flirty about it. While you're at work, send him a dirty little text message or an email (as long as your e-mails aren't  monitored by your company). Tell him exactly what you want him to do to you. You could say, "Baby, I've been thinking about you all day and the thoughts are getting me excited. Later tonight when we get home I want you to do X, Y, and Z to me." Don't be afraid to get specific, let him know he wont regret it and you will return the favor.

#3 Make food afterwards (it might be corny, but it works!)

I am not saying you need to regress back to the 1950s. It's kind of a fact that men (like women) love to eat good food. My friends and I have used this practice widely to communicate our sexual appreciation.

We provide "incentive" A.K.A, "food love". Let's say, your partner has been pretty mediocre in bed until last night when he blew your mind! It was amazing.

Now how do you get him to keep doing that and keep upping his game? Feed him. Yes ladies. Feed your man. After an amazing romp, cook him an extra delicious dinner or bake him something super decadent and amazing. It doesn't have to be a cake. Even something as simple as a BLT sandwich (vegan or otherwise) could also work well.

When he asks why, tell him it's a thank you for such an amazingly wild and beautiful sex session. Not only will he be thankful for the delicious yummy pleasures but he will also keep trying to please you the way you want/need.

When it comes to communication in or about the bedroom, I keep it honest and tactful with a hint of TLC for good measure.

This is a guest post by our very own Crimson Love.

Crimson is our resident fetish expert and loves talking about and having amazing sex. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone!

Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson at amber@getlusty.com

Can I Be Multi-Orgasmic Again?

It's Orgasm October, so we've received several great questions particularly on orgasm. Occasionally, we get questions from readers that need special attention. This question was asked to us recently and we thought this might have happened to others in our audience. Moushumi Ghose, the Los Angeles Sex Therapist and our resident lady-who-knows-all is here to answer our readers' question.

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Dear GetLusty,

I used to be multi-orgasmic. Now find I come once every great while. It's caused me a lot of frustration, stress, and heartache.

I love my partner and we've tried to communicate, try new positions, and do things differently to see if we can find the elusive bugger.

But it seems to simply be impossible for me anymore and my sex desire is definitely suffering after four years of this frustration. I will try to explore with more curiosity, but is there a possibility that I'm somehow physically "damaged"?

The reason I ask is I can hardly ever find an orgasm even during masturbation now! This all happened after having the Mirena IUD inserted, (and remains a problem after having it removed). When I first got the IUD it pinched the hell out of my insides every time I came, and that's about when I stopped coming. After its removal I was able to orgasm again, occasionally. But never with the power or consistency of before. I'm not seeing any conversation about this anywhere online--it concerns me because they are really "pushing" that device on women--even after I had it removed they continue to ask if I want a new one. I asked my doctor whether it could have affected my Os, and he brushed off the question after flushing red with embarrassment. Have you heard of this?

Signed,
Hoping for more

Dear Hoping for more,

This is a great question. I am not a medical doctor, but from a psychological standpoint it is absolutely possible that your experience with the IUD has remained in your mental muscle memory. For example, you mention that you experienced feeling pinched when you orgasm’d and despite having removed it, you haven’t been able to return. In psychological terms we call this trauma.

The trauma of being pinched becomes a part of your past experience and now may be a psychological block to orgasming. You may be, unconsciously of course, afraid of the pain. Now this is, only, one theory. If there is some medical issue, a doctor would need to check it out. Since your doctor was embarrassed, I would recommend getting a second opinion to rule out any medical condition. Then, if this is indeed psychological, you can start to repair your brain. Trying new positions is one way, but you really need to feel safe and relaxed again.

Without those two components you are not going to orgasm. You also need to reconnect with your body. Practice breathing, is my first suggestion. Close your eyes and take 3 long deep inhales and exhales. Do this regularly throughout your day, when you’re at a stop light, at your desk, etc. Checking in with your breathing is the first step to becoming more in tune with what's going on inside your body.

My next suggestion is to, instead of trying new positions, try more sensual exercises that involve touch, massage, taking a bath, lightening candles, using scented oils, etc and involve the other senses such as smell, taste, and get reacquainted with all the things that bring you pleasure.

You can do these alone or with a partner. Also, putting less emphasis on orgasm, and more emphasis on the other aspects of love making is a good idea. Such as kissing, hugging, touching. Pay attention to how all of these sensations feel. Go slow, make your goal to feel pleasure, not to achieve orgasm, and you might be on your way to healing your inner pain.

Good luck,
Mou

This is a guest post from the well acclaimed Moushumi Ghose.

Moushumi Ghose is a Sex Therapist, Educator and Coach, Radio Host, Musician, and Filmmaker. She is licensed by the California Board of Behavioral  Science. She is a member of AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists). Mou also has extensive experience working with a variety of populations and diverse lifestyles.

Moushumi recently completed an eBook on, "Marriage, Money and Porn." and writes extensively for numerous other sites ranging from Men's Fitness Magazine to GoodTherapy.org. Find her on Twitter @motor_amourFacebook and her website LASexTherapist.com.

Don't forget to comment below! Send them over to reply@getlusty.com and we'll get them answered!

4 Ways to Start Meditating for Better Sex

Meditation seems to be a huge trend right now in the celebrity world with Orlando Bloom and Gisele Bundchen claiming to meditate. But its more than a mere fad. Meditation, like yoga, is thousands of years old! Its healing properties such as reducing stress and bringing about more mental well-being should have everyone meditating! But lets face it: meditation can be scary and intimidating. But, what if I told you that mediation can actually help you reach orgasms? Would you start chanting and making the sound of "om" more? Our Lora Swarts reports on how to get started with meditation!

* * *

According to researchers at Brown University in Rhode Island, women who are able to train their mind and thoughts during sex will experience more pleasure. The study followed 44 students: 30 of whom were women and half of whom had taken a 12 week meditation course. The participants were shown a slideshow of erotic images. When asked to describe their reaction as calm, anxious or aroused, the women who were mediating already registered more quickly as feeling aroused. Meditation allows us to feel more and not get caught up in our own thoughts. When we focus on "feeling" more then we may have a higher chance of orgasming quicker as opposed to letting ourselves get caught up in our heads.

Along with my yoga practice, I love to mediate. Even if its for 10 minutes a day, I always feel more serene, calm, and have more gratitude. Mediation can lead to self-love, body awareness and more attention span all of which can help you with reaching an orgasm! Although orgasms shouldn't be the end goal of sex (that is just too much pressure on a person), it sure is nice to know that meditation can help us reach them! We have already written on some yoga poses to help you have better sex, now its time for some delicious meditation to improve our sex lives!

#1 Quiet environment 

First things first. Be sure to find a comfortable and quiet spot in your home, office, gym, wherever! In order to really go inside you need space and lots of quiet. Do not rush the meditation process. Start with 10-15 minutes and gradually increase your meditation time. Sit up straight and stay comfortable by resting your bum on a folded blanket. Its difficult at first to sit still but just know that you will reap the benefits soon enough. Just like anything it takes time.

#2 Breathe

Just as in yoga, breath is important in meditation. Using breathing exercising helps you get into a more relaxed state. Focus your attention on your belly with every inhale and exhale (feel it expand and deflate as you breath). Try inhaling slowly to a count of three. Then hold your breath for a count of three at the top of your inhale. Exhale for three counts. Once you get used to this style of breathing, increase your counts and hold the breath longer. Using your breath helps keep you focused and more aware. During sex, your breath can help you feel more aware and present. When you are relaxed and your mind is settled you can more easily orgasm.


#3 Personal mantra 

If counting your breath isn't helping you relax and focus, try a mantra or a combo of both! A mantra is a sacred word or phrase that you can speak aloud or with the voice in your head. Also, try imagining a peaceful place in your mind. Focus on this calm place, and let your mind go there. Focusing on your breath, mantra or image will greatly help you in reaching your personal peace. Need help developing your mantra?  Get started with "Om" which is the classic and sacred sound of Hinduism.

#4 Clear your mind 

When your mind begins to wander, non-judgmentally push those thoughts aside without labeling them "good" or "bad" and come back to your breath count, mantra or image. Silencing your mind is the pinnacle of mediation. Meditation is a journey, so just take it all in! When thoughts do enter your mind, and they will, impartially observe them and gently push them away until silence returns.  Eventually you will be able to control your thoughts!

Meditation brings about concentration, knowledge of self, better health, and helps us stay in the present and worry less about the past and future. Think about it. During sex, if you can concentrate more, detach your mind from disruptive thoughts, and relax, orgasming is just around the corner! So start "oming" to start having that big "O"!

 Lora is our Editorial intern and resident health nut. When she is not writing, you can find her on her yoga mat, exploring Chicago via bicycle, or spending time with her wonderful boyfriend and Beagle puppy in their north side apartment. She has a habit of spending too much money on soy lattes and yoga clothes. Find her on Twitter at @HoneyNutLo or writing over at her own blog! Have any questions? Email her at Lora@GetLusty.com

3 Sex Drive Killers & Remedies


Life is full of distractions and things that stress you and your partner out. That stress can have a major affect on your sex drive and how you perform in bed. Crimson Love reveals 3 libido killers, and their remedies.

* * *

At GetLusty, we're always dreaming up ways to help. Below are a list of stressors and how we deal with them to feel and embody sexiness everyday. Feeling and being empowered takes work, but we've got the recommendations and inspiration to help.

Stresser #1 

Work

It's hard not to take your work home with you. Many of us have felt the stress of work leak into other parts of our lives. It affects us mentally and physically and most definitely can affect your performance in bed. For men and women alike, your head just isn't connecting with your body or the moment. Sometimes you can't get in the mood at all.

Remedy

Work stress can be some of the hardest stress. What's been helpful for me is vigorous exercise One of which is sex.

However, alternatives here include taking a speedy walk or run together or play some sport together (think tennis, soccer or even football if that's your bag).

After your done getting sweaty together, take a nice relaxing shower together. Releasing some of the stress together will help you bond, relax and put you in a better state of mind to get intimate and lusty. My partner even dries me off with a towel occasionally, which makes me feel loved and appreciated. This puts me more at ease. Thanks to Engaged Marriage for the picture.

Stresser #2

Friends and family

We all have family problems. Sometimes, problems are more acute when they have more time and energy dedicated to them (such as living with a family member). Everyone has crazy family members and someone's mom (yours or otherwise) is always being a pain in your ass. Getting distracted by an argument, something hurtful that someone said or getting so angry that it puts you in an anti-sex mood is not uncommon.


Remedy

For sour times with friends and family, talk it out with your lover. Let them listen and help you dispel some of the toxicity that you have in your life. What's important is that they actively listen, like what's been included in marriage books like, "The Five Love Languages."

Learning how to actively listen is an important part of relationship bliss. Saying something like, "Oh, that sounds tough." Alternatively, "Goodness. That sounds like it's a lot of work. I'm sorry." This helps your partner find solice in you and feel like you're on their side. Thanks to smartinsights.com for the picture.

Let them give you suggestions and after the talk is over, let it go. Do a fun activity together. Most importantly, get your mind off of it. You will be feeling better and get your sexual longing back in no time. Still not feeling sexy? Not to worry. Let it go, connect with each other emotionally. Having a great sex life doesn't mean it has to happen everyday.

Stresser #3

Financial issues

The recession has hit millions across the country and beyond. Money is tight and bills are bountiful. Most people are having a hard time financially. You may also have to cut back and make financial sacrifices. It's stressful for everyone and thinking about your finances would put a damper on both your mood and/or libido.

Remedy

Financial hardships are a difficult to decompress. Try taking a quiet afternoon together to give each other massages. Take the opportunity to get your mind off your finances by enjoying a free activity, or practice meditation or tantric breathing together. Not sure how to practice tantric breath? Here is a quick tantric breathing tutorial.

This will help you relieve the stress you've built up and put you in a more relaxed and lusty mood. Even if you don't feel lusty afterwards, again, don't worry. Just relax and enjoy your time together.

After several hours, talk through your problems again and then forget about them. Forget about your problems helps keep your positive outlook on life and maintains your high quality of life. Not ignoring--forgetting. Realize your issue, review it and forget it.

Do you have other questions or problems in need of an answer by a world renowned sex educator and/or therapist from the GetLusty team? Please feel free to get in touch with rachael@getlusty.com or amber@getlusty.com.

This is a guest post by our very own Crimson Love. Crimson is our resident BDSM fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone! Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson at amber@getlusty.com

Why Sex Education Helps End Rape


At GetLusty, we're serious about consensual sex. We think that both a woman and man should have the knowledge and right to make their own consensual sexual decisions. That's why it was a blessing and a curse when Todd Akin (R-Mo) talked with such ignorance earlier this week about rape. Akin negatively influenced his party to say the least. The beauty? America is responding.

***

The country has erupted. I've seen articles from ladies who I never heard of, alongside power houses like Eve Ensler, speak out against this common social practice.

Rape happens

1 of 6 American women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. Eve herself is using this as a platform (which I completely support), V-Day 2013. Many of these assaults happen before ladies are 30, by the way, and are by men they know. 

Why I love Eve

I love her because I found out about her just after I was raped as a junior at university. A good friend and I shouted out together her Vagina Monologue lines (she re-claimed the cunt).

My best friend held my hand as I walked proudly 4 days after I was raped. A small but ferocious group of ladies marched against the assaults that happened on or near campus. Almost all the responses were positive. After marching around our campus, I told my entire rape story to a listening audience. It was my first therapy session. All in the name of talking about sex, gender, and sexuality -- painful and happy. 

How sex education helped me remain confident

When I learned I was not broken, guilty or shameful, I grew stronger. Luckily, my rape was a 24-hour ordeal. Police could call my trauma a, "rape." Many women are not so lucky. They don't know their consent was violated. They don't know they have the option to say, "no." 

When we (both genders) learn about how to communicate consent and respect the decision of their partner, we'll be a lot closer to not experiencing rape. -- If it was only this easy. 

The problem? Many women and men automatically refrain from talking about sex. They, "have enough" sex and, "they're lucky because their wife puts out." Across the U.S. we're taught that abstinence is the answer to our sexual questions. Rather than talking about our sexual problems, we sweep them under the rug.

As a country we're absolutely clueless about sex. Prove it, you ask? 

Check out some stats from the U.S. versus European teens from Advocates for Youth

Pregnancy
The United States’ teen pregnancy rate is almost three times that of Germany and France, and over four times that of the Netherlands.(Figs. 1 and 2)
EST-pregnancy-graph
EST-netherlands-birth-graph
Birth
The United States’ teen birth rate is nearly eight times higher than that of the Netherlands’, over five times higher than France’s, and over four times higher than Germany’s. (Fig. 3) [1,3,4]
EST-birth-graph
Abortion
In the United States, the teen abortion rate is twice that of Germany and more than 1.5 times that of the Netherlands. (Fig. 4) [1,2,3,17]
EST-teen-abortion-graph

HIV

The percentage of the United States’ adult population that has been diagnosed with HIV or AIDS is six times greater than in Germany, three times greater than in the Netherlands, and one-and-a-half times greater than in France.(Fig. 5)[5]
EST-HIV-graph

SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES

Limited data is available for STI rates in Europe. However, data from the Netherlands found that rates of reported incidence are considerably higher in the United States.[6,7] Further, comparisons of prevalence (the proportion of a given population which is infected) find that the Chlamydia prevalence among young adults in the United States is twice that among young adults in the Netherlands.[8,9] *

CONTRACEPTIVE USE AT MOST RECENT SEXUAL INTERCOURSE  

U.S. teens report using contraception (usually either birth control pills or condoms or both) far more often that their peers of previous decades. However, condom and contraceptive use leveled off between 2003 and 2007. U.S. teens still use contraception or condoms much less consistently than their peers in Europe. When measuring use of highly effective hormonal contraception, condoms, or both, researchers found that German, French, and Dutch youth were significantly more likely to be well protected at most recent sex than were their U.S. peers. The greatest disparities were in contraceptive pill use among females. French young women were more than twice as likely to have been using contraceptive pills at last intercourse as young women in the United States, German youth five times as likely, and Dutch youth almost six times as likely. (Figs. 6,7,8) [10,11,12,13]
EST-contraceptive-use-graph

Not just teens

These numbers aren't just for teens. They relate later in life when we're, "all grown up," and in relationships. Because Americans aren't able to talk about sex, we're more likely to have sex without consent. Why? Many don't know what consent even is.

Sex education = better sex decisions

My mission for founding GetLusty was to chip away at the notion that women are passive observers of their own sexuality. My mission: educate couples coming out of this broken sexual education system. GetLusty is an outlet for couples in long-term relationships to have the best sex of their lives -- without judgement.

Want more info? Follow us across social media, comment & subscribe to our feed!

This is post by Erica Grigg, our Founder and Chief Lust Officer. She's a writer, marketer, social entrepreneur and sex geek. She wants to change the world.

If you don't see Erica riding around downtown, Chicago in her beach cruiser, you see her chatting up the tech community about the importance of sex and love in marriage. Follow Erica on Twitter @ericagrigg or subscribe via FacebookGoogle+ and LinkedIn.

Want to connect about writing, or business partnership with a woman-run business that cares? E-mail me directly at erica@getlusty.com
 
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