Kiss Your Best! Try These 4 Tips

Kissing is wonderful foreplay! Kissing is the most common and publicly acceptable way for a couple to express their passion for one another. Whether you're 16 and going to see a movie with someone from school or married for 25 years and with kids, smooching never seems to get old. In this article, Dr. Megan Stubbs offers some advice on the benifits of kissing and making your next kiss the best one possible. Read on!

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In our culture, kisses play an important role in our younger years. We are told about how our “first kiss” should be and we come up with all kinds of crazy ways to get them. Spin the bottle anyone?

It’s OK if your first kiss wasn’t great! Not all first kisses are great. How was yours? Was it mind blowing, or were you so nervous that you thought you were going to throw up? Either way, it was a learning experience for you and now you know what you like or don’t like. There will be more, trust me, both good and bad.

Kissing comes with many health benefits too:

Over 30 facial muscles are involved in making a kiss happen. Using these muscles can help keep your cheeks tight and in perfect pucker shape.

Looking to burn some calories? While kissing, you can burn up to 3 calories per minute. I know its menial, but it is still a win-win.

Stressed out? Try kissing. Oxytocin, otherwise known as the love hormone, is released when you kiss and can help aid in calming you down as well as reaffirm your romantic attachment to your partner.

Some suggestions to make your next kiss unforgettable:

#1 Use a breath mint first

So, maybe this isn't always an issue. But sometimes bad breath can kill a kissing moment. Make sure you have good breath. Bad breath could hint to your partner that you are bad with oral hygiene, so make sure you’re freshly brushed or throw a mint in.

#2 Tongue first? No, no!

Don’t go in tongue first! Start with light kisses that just barely brush your partner’s lips. Once things have progressed, feel free to increase the intensity of your kiss. Pretend you’re licking an ice cream cone for a guide to the right pace; slowly and sensuously.

#3 Try opening your eyes

Go ahead and take peek! We’ve all heard the rule “no eyes open during kissing” and its time to throw that out. Don’t worry that it might be weird because of your face placement; open your eyes during your kiss to make a special connection with your partner.

#4 Explore the map

Explore the map. No one said kisses are limited to the lips alone. Take a journey around your partner’s body with kisses. Some often overlooked erotic areas are behind the ear, elbow creases, behind the knee, and feet. Try different areas and find out where your partner’s special zones are. They could surprise you!

So whether you cheek kiss, air kiss, kiss someone’s hand, Eskimo kiss, blow kisses, sign kisses, or just eat them, they’re an easy way to show someone your affection. And when it comes to sex, everything is OK here. Also, mark your calendars. International Kissing Day is July 6th!

Cross-posted with permission from SexologistMegan.

Dr. Megan Stubbs is a Grand Rapids-based Sexologist. She holds a doctor of education in Human Sexuality from San Francisco’s Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a degree in Biology from Grand Valley State University. She is also Board Certified by the American College of Sexologists (ACS).

Dr. Megan is a firm believer that knowledge is power and that comprehensive sex education is not only valuable to budding teens, but to all of society. This Sexologist strives to break down the societal norms that sex is still a taboo subject and wants to normalize the conversation. She wants to empower everyone into taking control and respecting their sexuality. Megan is monthly contributor to the number one night-time radio show in West Michigan, Holmes and the Freakshow on 104.5 WSNX and also appears bi-weekly on a morning talk show, Take Five & Company on WZZM 13. Follow her on Twitter @sexologistmegan and 'Like' Megan on Facebook.

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4 Workout Tips for Better Sex & Orgasms

Having a healthy body (as defined by ourselves, not others) is mind-blowingly hot. What's not to love about feeling good with yourself, inside and out? Count on being more emotionally and physically fit, not to mention being better in bed! Being healthy is one of the biggest actions to promote self love you can do. Our resident Sex Life Coach Eric Amaranth talks about getting healthy for better sex. What could be better?

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It is absolutely true that a sex life can be enjoyed regardless of the shape someone is in. My sex life coaching works for a wide range of body types. It is also true that people in better shape have certain advantages in the bedroom. This blog post will cover several of the most relevant muscle groups for both women and men plus the effect they have on your sex and orgasm quality and possibilities.

#1 Abs

This muscle group is one of the most important for men (or women on top). The abs are called on most to drive the pelvis during missionary and sideways missionary intercourse, which is still quite popular. Speeding up the rhythm of his thrust multiplies the effort required to keep up that pace.

Slow is also great, can contribute perfectly to big orgasms, and fast can make it feel like a blur of friction that isn’t as good as the details you can feel with slow. That said, fast has its place and specific advantages too. There are times when certain types of penetration must be done at a rapid rate based on the needs of his partner’s body/genitals to reach orgasm or have the best time possible. There still other situations that have nothing to do with the receiving partner’s needs and everything to do with the man expressing his overpowering desire for his partner and masculine sexual intention.

Abs also play a lesser role in many other positions because they will be recruited for most forms of thrusting. This is why I put abs workouts at the top of the list. The more crunches you can do, the more endurance you’ll have, which translates into being able to thrust rapidly for a longer period of time, which is exactly what your partner may need for a favorite type of big orgasm. Triggering certain orgasms in a given person can also require specific forms of energy-intensive stimulation. If you have what it takes to trigger it, great! If not, then that’s okay, but it’s time to get back in the gym.

My favorite way to workout my abs is with a abs machine that allows me to increase the weight over time in a precise way. After you do crunches to a certain point, curling your own body weight wont be enough for further gains. Crunches on the floor are hard on your tail bone and low back. You also wont be able to add more weight resistance to your crunches in a way that is easy to manage for the majority of people. I’ve seen my most consistent gains in my abs since using a crunches machine.

#2 Quads/thighs

This muscle group is equally important to abs for both women and men. Strong, developed thighs allow a woman to sit astride her man (or penetrating woman) and buck and grind for as long as she wants or needs to drive him or her or herself over the edge into a big-O. This is a popular position for indirect clitoral stimulation during intercourse which works nicely for those women with a clitoris sensitive enough to build up and orgasm from vaginal penetration plus indirect clitoral stimulation against her partner’s pelvis.

Even if a woman is not sensitive enough she can still use this position and combine other forms of direct clitoral stimulation with it. I have a personal attraction to women with developed thighs. I call these thighs “sex engines” because, besides looking sexy, driving a woman’s thrusts during female superior/cowgirl is one thing they’re made for. This position when done a certain way provides a unique form of stimulation to the head of the penis via her cervix.

Thighs are also important in other positions for men as well. Particularly positions with men and doing the thrusting on their knees. The usual weight training for thighs are good: squats and quad-targeting machines. On any of my weight training workouts, I follow a pattern of 10 reps at such and such weight, rest one minute, 8 at a bit higher weight, rest one minute, then a weight setting where I can do 4 to 6 reps before my muscles can lift no more. Rest for two minutes, then do 4 to 6 again. I repeat two more times and then I’m finished with that muscle group.

#3 Butt

The glutes are a big deal in sex. Practically and visually. For both genders, it’s simple: everyone loves to view and touch a partner’s toned, attractive bum. On a practical note, the glutes do join with the abs to help give locomotion to thrusting and other hip movements. This is an opportune time to mention that one of the things I learned early on was that rocking hips are not just a male form of physical sexual expression. I found that women also rock hips often as their body’s way of expressing the enjoyment of the sensations. I was taught that hip bobbing in women is often good to build arousal because it is sexual body language and will urge the mind to go into a more deeply aroused place. I suggest to women clients, as does my mentor, to experiment with different levels of hip bobbing and thrusting to see how it affects them and makes things better.

I’ve tried a number of different exercises that do work the glutes, but no exercise does it for me like a glutes machine. Not even squats. Squats can’t isolate the glutes like that machine can. I don’t see them in every gym, but look around in yours and try it out for a month or two using the workout method I described above. Because glutes are a large muscle group, you’ll see noticeable changes faster than in smaller muscle groups like the arms. Speaking of which….

#4 Arms

We all know women who love men love a pair of muscled arms. It reminds me of what men lust for in breast size and shape. The visual appeal is obvious and also the strength they can exert during sex is exciting. Specifically along these lines is going back to endurance again. The stronger the arms, the more endurance they have to do manual sexual skill sets (using your hands and things held by your hands) that require higher energy output for a given partner whose sex organs need more speed and power to best facilitate specific types of intense orgasms. Not running out of juice right as she’s rising up to climax was a good reason for me to get into curls and tricep work.

I like doing standing dumbell curls for my biceps and standing cable pulldowns for my triceps. Done with the same format as above. My decision to target first the specific muscle groups that serve me best in sex turned out to be a very good idea. Two more things:

1. Google workouts to increase breast size. You won’t increase the breast tissue volume, but a bit more prominence of the pecs will improve the overall look.

2. I prefer sprints and resting for a minute or two on the treadmill to long-distance running for cardiovascular exercise. That said, throwing some cardio in there is really good for stamina during intercourse.

Check out the original post at Sex Life Coach NYC.

Eric Amaranth is a sex life coach, working in NYC and globally via video conference, who specializes in women’s and men’s sexuality, basic to advanced sex skills, and high-end sex education. Individuals and couples are guided toward the relationship, intimacy, and sexual enjoyment goals they desire most.

Amaranth believes that for the majority of people, appreciation of ourselves and our romantic partners is one of the best sustainable resources we have to continuously renew attraction, maintain respect, and stay in love with our partners. This bedrock of deep appreciation is founded and reinforced by the combination of loving relationship skills with breathtaking sexual skills. Follow him on Twitter @Eric_Amaranth.

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5 Reasons Couples Seek Sex Therapy

At GetLusty for Couples, we understand the importance of therapy. Whether you're using it individually or as a couple, therapy (including sex therapy) can improve your relationship by leaps and bounds. We know--we've used therapy. Why might you use sex therapy? Our favorite LA Sex Therapist, Moushumi Ghose, is here to answer just that.

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Sex therapy is a specialized form of psychotherapy and often times a very core and central part of couples therapy. Sex is intrinsically woven into our relationships so it only makes sense that it couples, or individuals within intimate relationships are highly likely to seek out sex therapy to address their relationship, love and intimacy concerns. Sex therapy is a great arena for couples to develop an intimate language that works for them that also allows for growth.

Unfortunately, too often couples seek out sex therapy once there is already a big problem. The reason the couple is seeking therapy is generally because there is some unbalance, a discrepancy in what either partner wants and the two individuals are having a hard time coming to and agreeing on a middle ground. Since differences are a normal occurrence in relationships, acceptance, understanding and communication are other common threads, which are addressed in couples therapy to help bridge the gap.

There is also quite often blame in this imbalance, a tendency to point the finger and make one person the “bad guy” or the fault holder of the relationship. There are a few common things I see in my office, why couples seek out sex therapy.

One of the goals of sex therapy is to undo the finger pointing, recognize there is no “normal” or “expected” outcome for the way either partner “should” or “should not” be when it comes to sexuality.

Here are 5 common issues I see and how sex therapy may be beneficial in treating these issues.

#1 My wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, partner wants sex more (or less) than I do.

The disparaging sexual desire levels is probably the single most biggest reason couples come in for sex therapy. Sex therapy can help the couple to remember or recognize there is no “normal” amount couples are supposed to have sex. Couples can also become aware of, comfortable with their sexuality, what turns them off, what turns them off, developing a language in which to communicate sexually with each other. Another important facet sex therapy can help with is to uncover any issues, which may be preventing either partner from being sexually open with their partner, or breaking down the relationship resulting in lack of sex, such as lack of trust, anger, depression, body image, stress, and so forth. Communication on how to negotiate a common ground is also a big focus.

#2 I just don't get turned on by my partner anymore. I can no longer orgasm. I just don't feel very sexual.

The theme here is the loss of desire towards a long-term partner. Sex therapy can help couples to recognize their own sexuality levels, that arousal ebbs and flows, particularly in long-term relationships. Sex therapy can help couples connect in new ways, when old ways have lost their excitement.

#3 My partner is a swinger, is polyamorous, wants an open relationship, or a three some and I don't know how I feel about this.

Dissonance between lifestyle choices, needs and desires is a very common reason for people to enter into my office. Sex therapy can help couples address misconceptions or ideas they have about lifestyles. Couples can begin to understand what is comfortable from them and learn to negotiate a common ground.

#4 I fantasize about [insert personal fetish here: men, women, being raped, large cocks] and cannot share this with my partner.

Shame is a big part of what couples can work through in sex therapy. Sex therapy is a great place to get a corrective emotional experience towards our fetishes, our fantasies, desires, and develop a language to express our sexual desires. Sex therapy can help with learning to accept often more taboo subjects such as masturbation as well.

#5 My partner spends too much time watching porn.

This is becoming more and more common in sex therapy. Sex therapy can help couples understand if a certain behavior is within normal practice, as much of porn watching can be or if it is something that might be more compulsive or obsessive in the case of a porn addiction. Addiction is highly subjective as well, so helping the couples decide what is acceptable and what is not acceptable are key points they can address in sex therapy.

All in all, there are a gamut of reasons couples may want to enter into sex therapy. I highly encourage couples to enter into sex therapy as a form of premarital counseling as well. One doesn’t need to have a specific issue in order to develop effective ways of discussing the more intimate aspects of your relationship. After all, sex and relationships is not something that necessarily comes with a handbook, so why not get the tools ahead of time, before it’s too late?

This is a guest post from the well acclaimed Moushumi Ghose.

Moushumi Ghose is a Sex Therapist, Educator and Coach, Radio Host, Musician, and Filmmaker. She is licensed by the California Board of Behavioral  Science. She is a member of AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists). Moushumi also has extensive experience working with a variety of populations and diverse lifestyles.

Moushumi recently completed an eBook on, "Marriage, Money and Porn." and writes extensively for numerous other sites ranging from Men's Fitness Magazine to GoodTherapy.org. Find her on Twitter @MoushumiAmour, Facebook and her website LASexTherapist.com.

Don't forget to comment below! Questions for Moushumi or another professional across our network? Send them over to reply@getlusty.com and we'll get them answered!

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7 Simple Rules for Your Sexiest Sunday

Lazy Sundays are probably the best time of the week. Everyone across Facebook and Twitter is talking about their lazy Sundays (especially after all that Halloween partying). Sometimes we take time off to enjoy Sundays. When we do, we enjoy sexy activities to pamper ourselves. Because feeling sexy is just as important being sexy. Our Erica Grigg reports on the things that make her feel sexiest.

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As the Chief Lust Officer, I have big shoes to fill. Friends, family and readers ask, "What should I do to feel sexier?". What it comes down to: how do I feel better to have better sex? Alright, I'll share some of my simple, slightly silly secrets to feeling sexy.

#1 A long bath

I'm daydreaming of this right now. Soaking; the longer the better. The more bubbles the better. Get extra soapy, extra relaxed. And open a bottle of bubbly to top it off! It doesn't need to be expensive. Just taking this time is what it takes to feel sexier. Of course, this requires you to feel you deserve all this self love and attention. Why? You deserve it! Man or woman, bubble baths are not gendered.

Although I admit it's been a long one since I've drawn a bath, it's just one of the most relaxing activities. Speaking of which, I'm going to schedule a bath. Because scheduling sex is just as important as scheduling time for your self.

#2 A mud mask

There's no other choice but to laugh. You look crazy. You likely are some weird color. But putting a masque on your skin is an excellent way to exfoliate. Have you looked at how radiant your skin is after cleansing? Yes.

Though I wouldn't recommend doing this more than 2 times weekly. It'll dry out your skin. Especially in Chicago with winter coming, you want to apply moisturizer after.

#3 Laugh

OK, I just helped that one I think. Or at least I left you wondering, "Why the hell did you include a guy smoking a cigarette in a mud mask?!" Yes according to University of Maryland, laughing makes you feel great. Why? According to the Discovery Network, "There is a stress-induced chemical in the body called cortisol, which contributes to problems like heart disease, hypertension and obesity. When we laugh, we set off a chain reaction that reduces cortisol levels."

#3 Work out

It might've been 4 days or 4 weeks. Maybe even 4 months. Just because you aren't the habit of working out doesn't mean you can't run and jump outside. After hours of working on our rumps during the week, we can start thinking sitting is normal. And healthy. It's not!

Get off your ass. Run, jump and play! Alternatively, go to the adult center for running and jumping - the gym. The gym is the ideal place to get your stress out from a long week. Don't hesitate. Do it! You might be out of shape. You might feel silly. That's OK. You're beautiful. You're competent. And no one at the gym really cares about how you look.

Once you've completed your (small, medium, large) workout -- don't forget to stretch. Have you ever had the cramps of the world the day after visiting the gym? No. It's bad.

#4 Stretch

Next to going to the gym, stretching is awesome to stay limber. No time to visit the gym? Stretch. Touch your toes. There are even stretches before or after sex.

#5 Get naked in front of a mirror. Don't wince

This might be surprising, but your body is likely completely normal. You might be like me--a little pudgy by traditional standards. Maybe you're tall. Or short. Stocky or fit. Either way, getting comfortable in your own skin works wonders for your overall sexiness.

#6 Watch feminist porn (or just visit Lady Cheeky)

There are plenty of reasons to watch porn. We even have recommendations for feminist porn! We'll have more on 'traditional' versus 'feminist' porn. There are several differences. The most striking of which is feminist porn includes far more women producers and directors. From what I've seen, there's a lot more queer porn from the feminist perspective. Overall, for me, feminist porn is awesome and erotic.

#7 Feel like a master

I'm not actually talking about being a submissive here, surprising enough. Although, if that's your thing, we do have several recommendations for being a great submissive. When was the last time you feel like you did something really well? Do you remember that feeling of conquering the world? You could do anything. You were Queen Kong (or King Kong). No one could touch you. Go back there. That is (for me at least) a great source of sexiness.

This is post by Erica Grigg, our Founder and Chief Lust Officer. She's a writer, marketer, social entrepreneur and sex geek. She wants to end boring sex. If you don't see Erica riding around downtown, Chicago in her beach cruiser or at a diner with her adoring husband, you see her chatting up the tech community about the importance of sex and love in marriage. Follow Erica on Twitter @ericagrigg or subscribe via Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.

Want to connect about business partnership with a woman-run business that cares? E-mail me directly at erica@getlusty.com.

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Why Does Sex Stop After Marriage?

Sex should never stop after getting into a long-term relationship or marriage. Sex is natural and healthy and needs to be consistent. We have already discussed scheduling sex and making time for romance. But why do some couples let sex take a back seat in their relationship? How did they (or we, sometimes) get this far? After several weeks, then months, has sex completely stopped? Sexologist and marriage counselor, Dawn Michael MFT is here to shed some light on the topic.

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Sexless marriage is on the rise. And with 50% of all marriages end in divorce, there may be a trend here. With remaining couples that do hang on, more than half of them live in sexless marriages. What is a sexless marriage?

What is it?

A sexless marriage can be defined as a marriage where the couples have little to no sex every month, or several months. This is not due to an illness or sudden event but a natural rhythm that happens over time in a marriage. There are a few main causes for sexless marriages and it can happen gradually overtime.

Causes?

Men and women both can have equal sex drives, but at different times of the day and the month. Men and women also approach sex differently with how they may want it or what the sex in the marriage means to them. When looking at sex in a marriage it is more than the act of intercourse, it is the act of sexual intimacy, two people sharing a special bond. Sexual intimacy is a feeling that goes along with sex and when the couple is sexually satisfied with each other they will also feel sexual intimacy. In a woman’s monthly cycle she will go through times when she is more sexually attracted to her mate, this is when a woman should approach her husband and initiate sex. Part of the problem for many couples is that men are the ones expected to initiate the sex, but it should be equal. When a person feels sexual towards their spouse they should initiate the sex, or let their spouse know that they would like to be sexually intimate with them.

Change it up

For men the level of testosterone is at its peak in the morning and then decreases in the evening. The typical scenario of sex at night may actually be better in the morning for some men. This is where couples often make a mistake in love making; sometimes morning sex is the best sex. Especially after a long day for both a man and women the evening may be a time of sleep, but recharged in morning may be the perfect time for a sexual encounter.

One of the top reasons for sexless marriage is the concept that once married, sex is a given and this is a sad mistake. The sex in marriage takes work. Not in a hard way but fun, thoughtful, sexy, and erotic way. Couples need to work on making sex fun; a priority in the marriage. The couples that have a great sexual relationship will have less to argue about and the little things usually will melt away. If you are in a sexless marriage get help. Sex is natural, normal and healthy!

Check out Dawn's original post (cross-posted with permission) at The Happy Spouse.

A note from our editor: Soon, GetLusty for Couples will be featuring sex therapists, psychologists and counselors starting in Chicago. I know the difficulty of recovering from sexual trauma and difficulty. After numerous counseling sessions, my sex and emotional life improved greatly. That's why GetLusty is committed to recommending the best counselors for those of you who need help to get it. Thanks, Erica

This is a post by Dawn Michael MFT.

Dawn is an International Certified Clinical Sexologist and Marriage Counselor specializing in helping individuals and couples to have a healthy sex life, through communication, solution based counseling and home assignments. Visit her website The Happy Spouse for more information or to get in touch with Dawn. Also find her on Twitter @SexConseling.

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3 Must See Erotic Books

Besides Naked Girls Reading (check out this lusty lady reader above), there are few other things that are as sexy as reading erotic novels, stories and books. Our adorkable writer, Nadine Thornhill is all about picture books these days. But not just any coffee table books, erotic ones! Here is a guest post by Nadine, also cross-posted to her lovely her blog, Adorkable Undies!

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My friends at GetLusty wanted to know about some of my favorite sexy books. The answer to that question is more challenging than it seems. When it comes to choosing smutty reads, my top picks change according to my mood, my libido and what’s going on in my life at the time.

Lately I’ve been spending most of my days studying, scriptwriting and blogging. As much I enjoy the work (except maybe the studying), I find I need a bit of a break from words once downtime rolls around. That’s probably why I’ve been drawn to some of the more graphic volumes on my bookshelf these days. Books full of sexy pictures boost my mojo, while giving my eyeballs a much needed break from constant left to right scanning.

These three books all contain wonderful bits of text, but it’s the pretty, pretty pictures that have put these titles at the top of my list:

Ars Erotica: An Arousing History Of Erotic Art
by Edward Lucie-Smith

I acquired this book quite by accident when I was producing a play for The Ottawa Fringe Festival. The story took place in a fictional sex shop and a cast mate brought it in to help dress our set. After the run was over, I inherited the book and it’s lived on my bookshelf ever since.

Ars Erotica documents various depictions of human sexuality throughout time and across cultures. Each chapter focuses on a different theme; ranging from sex and spirituality, to outdoor sex and erotic pain.

 It’s a full color volume, brimming with spectacular works of art. History buffs will certainly enjoy reading about the historical significance of erotica through the ages. As for me, I’m all about oogling page after page of sculpture, paintings and photographs!

Do It Yourself
by Uwe Ommer

Do It Yourself is a big, beautiful coffee table book full of big, beautiful photographs. Ommer is a big deal photographer in Europe having had exhibits in some of France’s best known galleries.

According to the preface, he and his partner came home one night to find their child asleep and the babysitter snapping Polarids of herself in the bathroom mirror, wearing nothing but Ommer’s high heels.

What you or I might call a supremely awkward moment, Ommer saw as inspiration. He equiped a group of inexperienced photographers with a camera, a set of basic instructions and set them loose to do their own erotic self portraits.

The results range from sultry to playful to downright goofy. It’s a hella fun book to flip through and one that turns me on every time I look at it. The last third of the book is a kind of postcard diary/photo essay of the inspirational babysitter. Based on her writing, the woman strikes me as kind of a wackadoo, but in a fun way that might involve wearing wigs and eating cupcakes while watching America’s Next Top Model nude.

Small Favors: A Girly Porno Comic
by Colleen Coover

Small Favours is actually several girly porno comics – a series of eight graphic novels – and they are absolutely delightful!

The protagonist Annie has a near insatiable sex drive. She just can’t stop masturbating! Her conscience appears in the form of an uptight queen to reprimand her.

Since Annie can’t be trusted to keep her hands out of her pants, she’s saddled with a six-inch, blonde-haired guardian named Nibbl. There’s just one small problem…Nibbl is even more of a horn-dog than Annie! Annie and Nibbl quickly fall in lust, in love and spend the rest of the series having the dirty, silly, wonderful sex in almost every panel.

I adore this series. It’s sex-positive, optimistic and cute as hell. For reals, I can’t think of any other book that makes me want to go “Awwww,” and touch myself at the same time.

How about you? Do you have any erotic favorites on your bookshelf? Feel free to share!

Nadine is a sexual health educator, playwright, poet, burlesque performer, partner and parent living in Ottawa, Ontario. The plays and poetry she creates tend toward subjects such as clitorises, vibrators and non-monogamy. 

She enjoys candy, fashion and dreck television. She does not care for pants. Find her on Twitter @NadineThornhill. She also blogs on Adorkable Undies. Find her blog on Facebook and Pinterest. 

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Carol Queen Opens Up on Sex & Sexuality

Here at GetLusty, we love talking to experts. From sexologists to therapists and in between. Well, Carol is way past that. Here, we call Carol, "The Queen of Sex Ed." She's been involved in sex education since the 1970s.

Today, Carol dishes out some of the best things she's encountered. We caught up with this busy lady and asked her a few questions of her most interesting moments of recent. Check out several of the questions GetLusty's Erica Grigg asked in our GetLusty interview below.

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How did you get into sex education?

The pretty short answer is, I have been a member of the LGBT community since the 1970s (I'm bisexual). Back in the day, college gay groups would do panels and lectures to give non-biased information about these issues. I liked doing those, and then just a few years later I was doing many more, in the context of the HIV/AIDS epidemic. That's when I realized sex education was both a calling for me, and a possible profession. I moved to San Francisco and started working on my PhD in sexology at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, as well as volunteering with San Francisco Sex Information, a non-profit sex ed hotline which trained its volunteers extensively--I was its co-training coordinator for a while.

Around that time I met Joani Blank, founder of Good Vibrations. She hired me to work one day a week in the store, but when they found out I was training in sexology I was asked to create GV's Continuing Education program. The full range of our ed programming grew out of this (except the classes aimed at the public -- we were already doing those), and when I got my doctorate, my job title changed to "Staff Sexologist" -- to our knowledge, we were the first adult company to have a trained sexologist on staff. Now my job involves overseeing our educational programming, supporting frontline staff who get tough or unusual sex questions from customers, representing the business to the press and public, and answering customer questions, which I do here.

Subsequently my partner Robert and I, who had been doing classes together in SF and all around the country, created a nonprofit, the Center for Sex & Culture, to host such classes and other events such as community organizations' meetings, cultural events about sex, etc. We also have a library and archive plus a gallery. More info about that at Sex & Culture -- there are class and event listings, plus more about the non-profit, and "donate here" button, etc.

Would you call yourself the 'queen of sex ed' (because we're thinking that'd be an apt title for you)?

That's cute! While it's not my own moniker for myself, I'm good with it.

What's the most interesting story you have of a couple coming to you with sexual issues?

What comes to mind is a GV customer who reached out to me with a thorny issue in his marriage. His wife, an attorney, had semi-recently had their first child; the child's first birthday was looming soon, and she had not been open to having sex with her husband since before the birth. I asked him whether this was a huge change from an enthusiastic sex partner (prior to her pregnancy) and he said no, not really, she was always fairly lukewarm and perhaps somewhat uncomfortable about sex.

Many elements of this story are not too uncommon, either: Our Mommy Playdates attract young moms, some of whom really struggle with "getting back in the saddle" after having babies. And of course there are plenty of women who have never (so far!) discovered the key to loving sex; those women don't all stay single, though, and this can be a thorny issue in a relationship.

What did you recommend for them?

Well, every couple has two participants, of course. And in a situation like this, each has to understand their perspective and what they bring to the situation. To (hopefully) help this couple, there were a number of elements I had to bring up. The first was explaining to the husband that pressure or wheedling would never work; gently educating him that her lack of comfort about sex would be something he'd have to be understanding and supportive around, or she'd have NO incentive to change. Finally, advising that she be frank with her doctor about the post-partum elements (I didn't think that was the main problem, but it could certainly have been exacerbated by hormonal changes, and any precipitous drop in sexual interest could be a symptom of a medical problem).

Plus there was her original lukewarm feeling about sex; was she without correct sex education and unable to understand (and convey to her husband) they way her arousal worked? Had she perhaps been abused or had other negative sexual experiences, including growing up in a household where sex was represented as shameful? Was she non-orgasmic? I recommended a number of books for her. In a situation like this, she really must take some responsibility. While I don't believe that it is in any way the role of a wife to please her husband, a marriage without sex is not appropriate unless both partners want that or unless the issues involved are spelled out. If she has no interest in ever changing her relationship to sexuality, he deserves to know this. I also recommended they see a sex therapist, if she would go.

What's the most interesting thing you've learned about sex lately?

Just two weeks ago I was at a great conference at Widener University in PA -- it has one of the most substantial sex ed professional programs anywhere, and the conference was specifically for those who are interested in sex education as a career. I was there to keynote it, which was a real honor, especially because one of the biggest stars in sexology was present, Beverly Whipple. She is the professional and most associated with information about the G-spot; she has continued to research it and stays in touch with others who also do such research. It is finally being officially regarded as "the female prostate," and her update was that actual G-spot ejaculation is not super-copious and that when G-spot ejaculators gush a lot of fluid and make a huge wet spot, that fluid is now thought to be very dilute urine. It's not yet understood just how the urine, in a situation of arousal like this, becomes so dilute; there is still much to learn about this part of our anatomy.

What's your favorite book around sex education?

I have so many faves! I really can't pick just one, at least not for long, since great new books keep coming out. I think my current favorite book is Jaclyn Friedman's What You Really, Really Want. It's about limits and desires, really an excellent way for (especially) young women (but really everyone) to think about integrating sexuality in a healthy and fulfilling way into their lives. I love this book! It's one of the ones I recommended to the low-desire wife I mentioned above. Your readers might also be interested in the recommended book lists I've compiled both for my own website and on the Good Vibes site.

What are you most looking forward to over the next year?

I have a fantastic working trip planned for next spring; will go to South By Southwest in Austin, TX (my first time there!) to do a panel about the history of sex in technology, followed by a trip to CatalystCon East -- Catalyst is one of my very favorite sex conferences (here's a list that includes it plus some others). I travel two or three times a year to sexuality-related events, and it's one of my favorite ways to take the pulse of community interests and discussions about sexual topics.

Plus, I have a new book I'm getting started on! Not sure how soon it will come to fruition, but its working title is The Elements of Sex-Positivity.

More about Carol Queen:

Carol Queen is a writer, educator, activist with a doctorate in Sexology and an organizer in the GLBTQ community with some of the first youth-oriented approaches. She publishes a regular sex and relationship column on Good Vibes.

She is an owner/worker at the Good Vibrations toy and book emporium and The Center for Sexuality and Culture where she provides training and educational workshops for the staff and public. Her list of books can be found here and more information on Carol Queen can be found on her website CarolQueen.com. Follow Carol on Twitter @carolqueen and 'Like' her on Facebook.

In 1975, Carol helped found GAYouth (one of the first groups for underage Gays and Lesbians in the nation) in Eugene, Oregon. She served as director of the Gay and Lesbian student union at my university later in that decade and was on the steering committee of Eugene Citizens for Human Rights, founded to preserve gay rights which were under attack from right-wing forces. In 1988, she was director of education at the community-based AIDS education and support project in Eugene. Her training (after graduating with a major in sociology, a Phi Beta Kappa, and a stint in graduate school) comes from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, San Francisco's graduate school of sexology - and, of course, from the school of life.

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10 Must Read Books on Marriage

Marriage can be an intensely amazing but complicated experience and sometimes you need help and advice to guide you. We have already given you lists for things like best blow jobs and cunnilingus books to help you with your lusty sex life. Now we feel like it's about time for a list of books on marriage. The folks at GetLusty are confident that this list of 10 books will help you get through many of the speed bumps that may arise in your marriage!

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#1 The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
Northfield Publishing, 2009
Author: Gary D Chapman

New York Times bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman guides couples in identifying, understanding, and speaking their spouse’s primary love language—quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. 

Chapters are categorized by love language for easy reference, and each one ends with specific, simple steps to express a specific language to your spouse and guide your marriage in the right direction. A newly designed love languages assessment will help you understand and strengthen your relationship. You can build a lasting, loving marriage together.

#2 The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
Three Rivers Press, 2000
Author: John M. Gottman and Nan Silver

Another book by the best-selling author John M. Gottman, Ph.D, the Seven Principles is packed with practical questionnaires and exercises. He's written extensively on the topic and has interviewed hundreds--if not thousands of couples. He knows marriage! The Seven Principals is a definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.

Through a series of in-depth quizzes, checklists, and exercises, similar to the ones he uses in his workshops, Gottman provides the framework for coping with differences and strengthening your marriage.

#3 Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
Little, Brown and Company, 2008
Author: Sue Johnson

"In Hold me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time. Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond." (From the Amazon book description"

"Wonderful! Hold Me Tight blends the best in research findings with practical suggestions from a caring and compassionate clinician. This fabulous book will be of great benefit...to couples trying to find their way to better communication and deeper, more fulfilling ways of being with each other." (Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., author of "Parenting from the Inside Out")


#4 The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband
Scribner, 2012
Author: David Finch

"The warm and hilarious bestselling memoir by a man diagnosed with Asperger syndrome who sets out to save his marriage."

"In his deep desire to be a good husband, a better father, a decent human being who connects with and care for others, Finch tells a universal tale, a fulfilling and even inspiring story of the difference that love – genuinely giving love - can make in our daily lives.” (Deborah Blum, author of "The Poisoner’s Handbook")

#5 His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
Revell, 2001
Author: Willard F. Jr. Harley

In the classic bestseller His Needs, Her Needs, Willard F. Harley, Jr., identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses.

He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs.

#6 Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity
 Free Press, 2004
Author: Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli

According to Dr. Shirley Glass, "the godmother of infidelity" (The New York Times), people today are cheating on their spouses more than ever before-especially in the workplace.

Dispelling common myths with compelling new research and case studies, "Not 'Just Friends'" is a groundbreaking chronicle of what occurs before, during, and after an affair: the danger signs, the vulnerabilities of even good marriages, and the step-by-step road to healing and protecting monogamy in the aftermath.

#7 Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry
Zondervan, 1995
Author: Lesle Parrott III

Are you tired of marriage books that sound like they were written thirty years ago? Do you want real, honest advice from a couple who knows the hopes and struggles of today's couples? Do you want to build a marriage that will last a lifetime? 

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, created by relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, is a comprehensive marriage program designed specifically for today's couples by a couple. And now, in this updated edition, the Parrotts' award-winning approach has been expanded to incorporate ten more years of feedback, research, and professional experience.

#8 Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships
Owl Books, 1998
Author: David Schnarch

Passionate Marriage' is recognized as the pioneering book on intimate human relationships. With a new preface by the author, this updated edition explores the ways we can keep passion alive and even reach the height of sexual and emotional fulfillment later in life. David Schnarch accompanies his inspirational message of attaining long-term happiness with proven techniques developed in worldwide workshops to help couples develop greater intimacy. 

Chapters provide the scaffolding for overcoming sexual and emotional roadblocks— from evaluating personal expectations to laying the groundwork for keeping the sparks alive years down the road, and everything in between. This book is sure to help couples overcome hurdles in their relationships and reach the fullest potential in their love lives.

#9 The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships
Three Rivers Press, 2002
Author: John Gottman

"The Relationship Cure is another in John Gottman's superb series of books on  improving intimate relationships. What distinguishes Gottman's writing from that of other self-help books is that it is based on research findings from his extensive studies he has decoded the mystery of relationships.

"When he says his five steps will help you build better connections with the people you care about, you know that they have been demonstrated to work." (E. Mavis Hetherington, Ph.D., professor of psychology, University of Virginia)

#10 Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship
Plume, 1997
Author: Mira Kirshenbaum

A careful line of 36 questions and self-analysis techniques designed to get to the heart of relationship and marriage problems. This straightforward and practical advice is designed for newer and older relationships, and presents a plethora of information and experience in a clear, concise manner.

Andrew Ewald is a GetLusty writer who spends most of his time reading, writing, cooking, and watching RuPaul's Drag Race with his girlfriend. He graduated from Western Michigan University with a Bachelor's in in English. He might act like a square, but nothing is taboo with this character. Connect with him! E-mail him at andrew@getlusty.com.

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7 Reasons You Should Sleep Naked

Naked November is finally here! Unless you are a nudist, you spend most of your time clothed. We are so used to being bundled up that we have no clue what we look like au naturale. Naked November at GetLusty.com is all about shedding your layers, physically and emotionally, and getting naked! If you are new to this whole naked thing, there is some good news! You have about 8 hours in a day where you can be naked in a safe and comfortable environment. Sleeping naked is freeing and we recommend it! So strip down and hop into bed. GetLusty's Lora Swarts is here with 7 reasons to start sleeping in the buff!

Note: If you live in Minnesota don't sleep naked because it's against the law!

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#1 It's comfortable

Clothes are never really comfortable when you snooze. Underwear, boxers, and t-shirts all bunch up! Stop tossing and turning and opt for a more relaxed and cozy night time outfit: your own skin. Sleeping naked may not cure insomnia, but it will give you a more comfortable night's sleep.

#2 Beat the heat 

Sure, it's November. And if you are anywhere like Chicago, it's getting chilly outside. But with the heat blasting, sleeping under all those blankets can get hot. Going nude, even in the winter months, will keep you from sweating!

#3 Go green 

The less you wear, the less you wash. Save Mother Nature and a few loads of laundry by going naked. You won't need to wash your pajamas and other nightly negligees every week, which saves you time and money while helping the environment.

#4 Sex, sex, sex

Great sex comes from having confidence. When you are worried about your body, chances are your sex won't be that great. For better sex, sleep naked! Get comfortable in your own skin! If you are married or live with your partner, invite them to go nude too. Sleeping naked doesn't have to always lead to sex; it's such a wonderful and sensual moment to just hold each other nude. However, there are pros to sleeping naked together — when you don't have to unbutton shirts or deal with bra hooks, sex is that much easier and more frequent.

#5 It's healthy

It is liberating to come home and undress from those restrictive clothes you wore for hours at a time. So stay naked once you undress for bed. Being naked gives your pores access to more oxygen that it then uses to pump clean healthy blood to your brain, heart and vital organs. So get naked and let every surface of your body breathe while you sleep.

#6 More Confidence 

It is scary to be naked when we aren't comfortable in our own skin. Being that raw and vulnerable is difficult for anyone! Going naked exposes all the parts we tend to hide or improve with clothing. As you see and feel your naked body you begin to embrace every curve, freckle, scar and any other imperfections you think you have. So remove your clothes and start loving yourself. Your confidence will soar and negative thoughts will dissolve.

#7 It's Fun! 

Being naked is so freeing! Have you ever heard of Chicago's annual World Naked Bike Ride? Naked individuals ride their bicycles at night as a way of celebrating the human body and freedom from oil. No, you don't have to go streaking to have fun, but once you start sleeping naked, you may start cooking naked, cleaning naked and just being naked more in general! The more living you do naked, the happier you will be with you body too.

Lora is our Editorial intern and resident health nut. When she is not writing, you can find her on her yoga mat, exploring Chicago via bicycle or spending time with her wonderful boyfriend and Beagle puppy in their north side apartment. She has a habit of spending too much money on soy lattes and yoga clothes. Find her on Twitter @HoneyNutLo. Have any questions? Email her at Lora@getlusty.com

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Moms! 10 Ideas For Feeling Your Sexiest

We've heard from several moms they don't want to participate in Naked November. Their belly, their body — sometimes moms feel they're not be the same after bearing children, or feel they have to dress more conservatively because they are a mom. From one mom to another, GetLusty's mom advocate, Eileen Prouffe, is here to say that kids don't mean you can't express yourself: be who you are and embrace your curves! Eileen is here to give her tips to inspire the very important ladies out there — moms!

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#1 Sleepwear

Don't feel you have to sleep in cotton nightgowns every night and hide your body. While they may be comfortable, they are not always sexy. Sleep in just a sexy t-shirt, lingerie, or better yet, naked. Just don't forget to lock the bedroom door.

#2 Get your hair done

My husband loves when I come home from the salon with a new hair style. It will make you feel rejuvenated and like a brand new person inside and out. Getting even the dead ends cut off of your hair can make a huge difference and give you an extra boost of confidence. If you're more of the daring type then try a new hair color and style all together. Have fun with yourself; life is short!

#3 Dress up

If you find yourself always in pajama pants or mom jeans, then it's time to change things up a bit and put on a dress, skirt, or at least some heels with those jeans. Sometimes just dressing up makes you feel good, even if you have nowhere to go. Your significant other will be surprised when they get home and it may help them get in the mood for a little love making. That's what we want, right?

#4 Pamper yourself

Sometimes moms just don't take enough time out to relax and take care of themselves.  Take a hot bath or shower and relax with some scented oils, candles, and an alcoholic beverage of your choice.  Even just exfoliating your whole body with a loofah sponge or body scrub will make you feel great.  Don't forget to moisturize afterwards to leave your skin silky smooth.  I like Avon's Skin So Soft because I can add it to the bath or apply after a shower. Clean up your eyebrows, apply a mask, or even a deep conditioning treatment.  There are endless things you can do for yourself.  Recently, my aunt gave me the tip of warming up a little olive oil and soaking my nails and dry cuticles in it.  Instant manicure!

#5 Get made up

Cosmetic companies are always coming out with new and exciting products that can perk up your face. If your make-up hasn't been updated in a while with more advanced products and different colors, maybe it's time to take a trip to Sephora. Old make-up can be bad for our skin and mascara can get bacteria in it, so it's wise to get new stuff every once in a while. Plus, it's fun and can make you feel like a sex goddess.

#6 Laugh and smile!

It's easy to get caught up in the daily routine of life and forget to take time out to laugh and smile. Not only does it feel good to laugh and smile, but it can help relive tension and stress which means you'll be more relaxed for a good time with your partner later. Your partner will enjoy seeing your smiling face too. If no one is around, then you can put on a funny show or a comedy movie to help life your spirits.

#7 Be a Boudair Pinup

Boudair photography. There are many tasteful-yet-sexy photographers that can take some amazing pictures of you. Have you seen the list of GetLusty recommended Chicago-based boudair photographers? Don't stop there, you could have the photos done in a studio, a park, or even your own home. No money for a photographer? Let your hubby take one! Posing for a picture can be playful, sexy, fun and confidence building because all the attention is on you. It's your moment and you can own it. Your lover will likely enjoy them too. Be a model for the day.

#8 Have a non-mom zone

Yes, you're a mom and I'm a mom, but we're still our own person too. We need our own space free of coupons, school papers and bills.  Whether it's your bedroom, office, or kitchen table, you need your own personal space where you can get creative and gather your thoughts. Even if it's just a cute reading chair, it will work as long as everyone in your household respects your space. It doesn't feel sexy to be bombarded with everyone else's life 24/7.  Remember that you have your own goals and dreams to look after as well.

#9 Walk or jog

There's nothing like walking or jogging down the block and seeing heads turn as you go by. Not only will going for a walk or jog feel good and help you lose or maintain weight, but it can help you realize that you are still beautiful to look at. We may not always see it, but others do. Even if you don't want to exercise, you can just get out of the house and be around others. I was at the grocery store one time and a younger man who worked at the store hit on me while I was shopping.  It was very innocent, but flattering to know I still had it.

#10 Dance the night away

No matter how you dance or what type of music you like, there's nothing sexier than a woman dancing and having a good time. You'll feel great, have a good time, and it might even turn your partner on. Whether you decide to go out to a night club or stay home and dance in the bedroom, you'll feel hotter then ever. Dancing is good for the soul. You can always turn your dance into a strip tease too!

Eileen Prouffe is a new GetLusty writer, but has over ten years as a working mom and trying to keep her love alive. If she's not having fun with her three kids, she's staring into the eyes of her loving husband. She looks forward to sharing her ideas, tips and knowledge with everyone to help improve relationships and put an end to dull sex lives. Get in touch with Eileen at eileen@getlusty.com.

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