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Showing posts with label for couples. Show all posts
Showing posts with label for couples. Show all posts

4 Workout Tips for Better Sex & Orgasms

Having a healthy body (as defined by ourselves, not others) is mind-blowingly hot. What's not to love about feeling good with yourself, inside and out? Count on being more emotionally and physically fit, not to mention being better in bed! Being healthy is one of the biggest actions to promote self love you can do. Our resident Sex Life Coach Eric Amaranth talks about getting healthy for better sex. What could be better?

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It is absolutely true that a sex life can be enjoyed regardless of the shape someone is in. My sex life coaching works for a wide range of body types. It is also true that people in better shape have certain advantages in the bedroom. This blog post will cover several of the most relevant muscle groups for both women and men plus the effect they have on your sex and orgasm quality and possibilities.

#1 Abs

This muscle group is one of the most important for men (or women on top). The abs are called on most to drive the pelvis during missionary and sideways missionary intercourse, which is still quite popular. Speeding up the rhythm of his thrust multiplies the effort required to keep up that pace.

Slow is also great, can contribute perfectly to big orgasms, and fast can make it feel like a blur of friction that isn’t as good as the details you can feel with slow. That said, fast has its place and specific advantages too. There are times when certain types of penetration must be done at a rapid rate based on the needs of his partner’s body/genitals to reach orgasm or have the best time possible. There still other situations that have nothing to do with the receiving partner’s needs and everything to do with the man expressing his overpowering desire for his partner and masculine sexual intention.

Abs also play a lesser role in many other positions because they will be recruited for most forms of thrusting. This is why I put abs workouts at the top of the list. The more crunches you can do, the more endurance you’ll have, which translates into being able to thrust rapidly for a longer period of time, which is exactly what your partner may need for a favorite type of big orgasm. Triggering certain orgasms in a given person can also require specific forms of energy-intensive stimulation. If you have what it takes to trigger it, great! If not, then that’s okay, but it’s time to get back in the gym.

My favorite way to workout my abs is with a abs machine that allows me to increase the weight over time in a precise way. After you do crunches to a certain point, curling your own body weight wont be enough for further gains. Crunches on the floor are hard on your tail bone and low back. You also wont be able to add more weight resistance to your crunches in a way that is easy to manage for the majority of people. I’ve seen my most consistent gains in my abs since using a crunches machine.

#2 Quads/thighs

This muscle group is equally important to abs for both women and men. Strong, developed thighs allow a woman to sit astride her man (or penetrating woman) and buck and grind for as long as she wants or needs to drive him or her or herself over the edge into a big-O. This is a popular position for indirect clitoral stimulation during intercourse which works nicely for those women with a clitoris sensitive enough to build up and orgasm from vaginal penetration plus indirect clitoral stimulation against her partner’s pelvis.

Even if a woman is not sensitive enough she can still use this position and combine other forms of direct clitoral stimulation with it. I have a personal attraction to women with developed thighs. I call these thighs “sex engines” because, besides looking sexy, driving a woman’s thrusts during female superior/cowgirl is one thing they’re made for. This position when done a certain way provides a unique form of stimulation to the head of the penis via her cervix.

Thighs are also important in other positions for men as well. Particularly positions with men and doing the thrusting on their knees. The usual weight training for thighs are good: squats and quad-targeting machines. On any of my weight training workouts, I follow a pattern of 10 reps at such and such weight, rest one minute, 8 at a bit higher weight, rest one minute, then a weight setting where I can do 4 to 6 reps before my muscles can lift no more. Rest for two minutes, then do 4 to 6 again. I repeat two more times and then I’m finished with that muscle group.

#3 Butt

The glutes are a big deal in sex. Practically and visually. For both genders, it’s simple: everyone loves to view and touch a partner’s toned, attractive bum. On a practical note, the glutes do join with the abs to help give locomotion to thrusting and other hip movements. This is an opportune time to mention that one of the things I learned early on was that rocking hips are not just a male form of physical sexual expression. I found that women also rock hips often as their body’s way of expressing the enjoyment of the sensations. I was taught that hip bobbing in women is often good to build arousal because it is sexual body language and will urge the mind to go into a more deeply aroused place. I suggest to women clients, as does my mentor, to experiment with different levels of hip bobbing and thrusting to see how it affects them and makes things better.

I’ve tried a number of different exercises that do work the glutes, but no exercise does it for me like a glutes machine. Not even squats. Squats can’t isolate the glutes like that machine can. I don’t see them in every gym, but look around in yours and try it out for a month or two using the workout method I described above. Because glutes are a large muscle group, you’ll see noticeable changes faster than in smaller muscle groups like the arms. Speaking of which….

#4 Arms

We all know women who love men love a pair of muscled arms. It reminds me of what men lust for in breast size and shape. The visual appeal is obvious and also the strength they can exert during sex is exciting. Specifically along these lines is going back to endurance again. The stronger the arms, the more endurance they have to do manual sexual skill sets (using your hands and things held by your hands) that require higher energy output for a given partner whose sex organs need more speed and power to best facilitate specific types of intense orgasms. Not running out of juice right as she’s rising up to climax was a good reason for me to get into curls and tricep work.

I like doing standing dumbell curls for my biceps and standing cable pulldowns for my triceps. Done with the same format as above. My decision to target first the specific muscle groups that serve me best in sex turned out to be a very good idea. Two more things:

1. Google workouts to increase breast size. You won’t increase the breast tissue volume, but a bit more prominence of the pecs will improve the overall look.

2. I prefer sprints and resting for a minute or two on the treadmill to long-distance running for cardiovascular exercise. That said, throwing some cardio in there is really good for stamina during intercourse.

Check out the original post at Sex Life Coach NYC.

Eric Amaranth is a sex life coach, working in NYC and globally via video conference, who specializes in women’s and men’s sexuality, basic to advanced sex skills, and high-end sex education. Individuals and couples are guided toward the relationship, intimacy, and sexual enjoyment goals they desire most.

Amaranth believes that for the majority of people, appreciation of ourselves and our romantic partners is one of the best sustainable resources we have to continuously renew attraction, maintain respect, and stay in love with our partners. This bedrock of deep appreciation is founded and reinforced by the combination of loving relationship skills with breathtaking sexual skills. Follow him on Twitter @Eric_Amaranth.

What is Intimacy, Anyway?

Intimacy is many times thought of as something purely sexual. However, the biggest sexual organ is the brain. So what is intimacy, really? And often, women can't come they aren't engaging their biggest sex organ--their brain. Why is intimacy important to relationships? What is intimacy, anyway? This post answers these two questions. What is intimacy? And why is it important in your romantic relationship? Our Chief Lust Officer, Erica Grigg reports.

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What is intimacy?

At its core, this blog defines intimacy as a loving relationship between two (or more) individuals. While we won't talk too frequently about polyamorous intimacy, many of the same issues arise (esp. trust, happiness and overall emotional health). For me, intimacy is about a romantic love that centers around the need for a human connection. For GetLusty for Couples, we categorize into four sections (based on the Wikipedia example below).

From Dictionary.com, the definition of intimacy goes like this:

1. A close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.
2. A close association with or detailed knowledge or deep understanding of a place, subject, period of history, etc.: an intimacy with Japan.
3. An act or expression serving as a token of familiarity, affection, or the like: to allow the intimacy of using first names.

Wikipedia has a slightly varied definition of intimacy. They cover many different areas, but to sum it up, they cover the four major areas of intimacy below.

Scholars have defined generally four kinds of intimacy:
  • Emotional
  • Physical (sex)
  • Cognitive/intellectual (sharing thoughts and ideas, enjoy similarities and differences)
  • Experiential (sharing similar activities, likely without talking)
Where did the definition come from?

Again from the Wikipedia article above. In anthropological research, intimacy is considered the product of a successful seduction, a process of rapport building that enables parties to confidently disclose previously hidden thoughts and feelings. Intimate conversations become the basis for "confidences" (secret knowledge) that bind people together.

We hope you'll consider why intimacy is such an essential component of love and romance in your life. GetLusty for Couples hopes to inspire and educate on how to have more intimacy, love and overall a better relationship!

This is post by Erica Grigg, our Founder and Chief Lust Officer. She's a writer, marketer, social entrepreneur and sex geek. She wants to end boring sex. If you don't see Erica riding around downtown, Chicago in her beach cruiser or at a diner with her adoring husband, you see her chatting up the tech community about the importance of sex and love in marriage. Follow Erica on Twitter @ericagrigg or subscribe via Facebook and Google+.

Want to connect about business partnership with a woman-run business that cares? E-mail me directly at erica@getlusty.com.

Why Does Sex Stop After Marriage?

Sex should never stop after getting into a long-term relationship or marriage. Sex is natural and healthy and needs to be consistent. We have already discussed scheduling sex and making time for romance. But why do some couples let sex take a back seat in their relationship? How did they (or we, sometimes) get this far? After several weeks, then months, has sex completely stopped? Sexologist and marriage counselor, Dawn Michael MFT is here to shed some light on the topic.

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Sexless marriage is on the rise. And with 50% of all marriages end in divorce, there may be a trend here. With remaining couples that do hang on, more than half of them live in sexless marriages. What is a sexless marriage?

What is it?

A sexless marriage can be defined as a marriage where the couples have little to no sex every month, or several months. This is not due to an illness or sudden event but a natural rhythm that happens over time in a marriage. There are a few main causes for sexless marriages and it can happen gradually overtime.

Causes?

Men and women both can have equal sex drives, but at different times of the day and the month. Men and women also approach sex differently with how they may want it or what the sex in the marriage means to them. When looking at sex in a marriage it is more than the act of intercourse, it is the act of sexual intimacy, two people sharing a special bond. Sexual intimacy is a feeling that goes along with sex and when the couple is sexually satisfied with each other they will also feel sexual intimacy. In a woman’s monthly cycle she will go through times when she is more sexually attracted to her mate, this is when a woman should approach her husband and initiate sex. Part of the problem for many couples is that men are the ones expected to initiate the sex, but it should be equal. When a person feels sexual towards their spouse they should initiate the sex, or let their spouse know that they would like to be sexually intimate with them.

Change it up

For men the level of testosterone is at its peak in the morning and then decreases in the evening. The typical scenario of sex at night may actually be better in the morning for some men. This is where couples often make a mistake in love making; sometimes morning sex is the best sex. Especially after a long day for both a man and women the evening may be a time of sleep, but recharged in morning may be the perfect time for a sexual encounter.

One of the top reasons for sexless marriage is the concept that once married, sex is a given and this is a sad mistake. The sex in marriage takes work. Not in a hard way but fun, thoughtful, sexy, and erotic way. Couples need to work on making sex fun; a priority in the marriage. The couples that have a great sexual relationship will have less to argue about and the little things usually will melt away. If you are in a sexless marriage get help. Sex is natural, normal and healthy!

Check out Dawn's original post (cross-posted with permission) at The Happy Spouse.

A note from our editor: Soon, GetLusty for Couples will be featuring sex therapists, psychologists and counselors starting in Chicago. I know the difficulty of recovering from sexual trauma and difficulty. After numerous counseling sessions, my sex and emotional life improved greatly. That's why GetLusty is committed to recommending the best counselors for those of you who need help to get it. Thanks, Erica

This is a post by Dawn Michael MFT.

Dawn is an International Certified Clinical Sexologist and Marriage Counselor specializing in helping individuals and couples to have a healthy sex life, through communication, solution based counseling and home assignments. Visit her website The Happy Spouse for more information or to get in touch with Dawn. Also find her on Twitter @SexConseling.

Lube 101: Wetter is Better


Our bodies are perfectly capable of providing us the tools for awesome sex. However, sometimes our bodies' natural lubricants just don't make for awesome intercourse in a pinch. (Think of the long, drawn out foreplay needed to get really wet, ladies.) As Megan Andelloux, the Founder and Director of the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health, said in, "It's easy to have not enough lube and harder to have too much". In this article, Dr. Megan Stubbs offers useful advice on kinds of lubricants, how to use them best and tips on finding the right lube for you.

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It’s time, once and for all, to finally dispel the myth that lube is only for older women! Sorry Superbad, but Evan was right to be packing some lube for his sexual adventure with Becca.

Biologically, we naturally lubricate when we are sexually aroused. The lubrication produced helps facilitate sexual intercourse by reducing friction between the vagina and penis. But we don’t only have PV sex, and not all of us are having sex just to procreate. We engage in all kinds of sexual activities and most of the time our natural lubrication can’t keep up with the duration of our sex sessions. The use of lube is NOT a sign that you aren’t turned on enough or a cop out. Lube is a great staple to include in your solo and partnered sex life.

Like the colors of the rainbow, lube comes in many different varieties. Lubes can be water, silicone, or oil based - each with their benefits. Some things to keep in mind while lube shopping:

Flavored lubes, usually water based, are great for oral sex although I would caution you to try them before you buy them. You don’t want it to taste like cough medicine, unless that is your thing. You can usually find small sample sized packs of lube, flavored and regular, in stores. Think of it like bulk candy, buy a bunch and see which ones you like!

I would not recommend pairing oil based lubes with latex condoms because it can compromise the latex leading to breakage. Not good. Use water or silicone based lubrication instead.

Silicone lube is great for extended play and anal because it won’t dry out as quickly as water based lubricant.   The taste, however,  can be unpleasant and clean up can be a little more involved. It is latex friendly but do not pair it up with a silicone sex toy. The two together will cause your toy to disintegrate and become sticky and no one likes a sticky dildo.

Some lubes are touted as “anal specific” because they contain the numbing chemical benzocaine.  I do NOT recommend the use of these and you shouldn't want these kinds of lubrication. You need to know when something is hurting and being numb in the rear region can lead to injuries.  Plus sex is about pleasure.  I doubt using a numbing agent is anything close to an ideal sexual encounter.

New to the market are organic and natural lubes, and no, these aren’t just for tree-huggers and hippies. These lubes are great if you have chemical sensitivities to paraben or glycerin. They are also good if you are prone to yeast infections because of the sugars in regular lube. And for the animal lovers, they now make vegan lube too.

So next time you’re about to get down, reach for some lube. Whether it is a solo or partnered session, make sure you are adequately lubricated. Put a few drops inside of the condom before you put it on your partner for added sensation for them or try some warming lube to keep things hot. If you’re feeling a little dry its ok to stop and add some more lube to the party. The possibilities are endless. Find out what works for you, and when it comes to sex, everything is OK here.

Cross-posted with permission from SexologistMegan.

Dr. Megan Stubbs is a Grand Rapids-based Sexologist. She holds a doctor of education in Human Sexuality from San Francisco’s Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and a degree in Biology from Grand Valley State University. She also Board Certified by the American College of Sexologists (ACS).

Dr. Megan is a firm believer that knowledge is power and that comprehensive sex education is not only valuable to budding teens, but to all of society. This Sexologist strives to break down the societal norms that sex is still a taboo subject and wants to normalize the conversation. She wants to empower everyone into taking control and respecting their sexuality. Megan is monthly contributor to the number one night-time radio show in West Michigan, Holmes and the Freakshow on 104.5 WSNX and also appears bi-weekly on a morning talk show, Take Five & Company on WZZM 13. Follow her on Twitter @sexologistmegan and 'Like' Megan on Facebook.

10 Must Read Books on Marriage

Marriage can be an intensely amazing but complicated experience and sometimes you need help and advice to guide you. We have already given you lists for things like best blow jobs and cunnilingus books to help you with your lusty sex life. Now we feel like it's about time for a list of books on marriage. The folks at GetLusty are confident that this list of 10 books will help you get through many of the speed bumps that may arise in your marriage!

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#1 The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
Northfield Publishing, 2009
Author: Gary D Chapman

New York Times bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman guides couples in identifying, understanding, and speaking their spouse’s primary love language—quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. 

Chapters are categorized by love language for easy reference, and each one ends with specific, simple steps to express a specific language to your spouse and guide your marriage in the right direction. A newly designed love languages assessment will help you understand and strengthen your relationship. You can build a lasting, loving marriage together.

#2 The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
Three Rivers Press, 2000
Author: John M. Gottman and Nan Silver

Another book by the best-selling author John M. Gottman, Ph.D, the Seven Principles is packed with practical questionnaires and exercises. He's written extensively on the topic and has interviewed hundreds--if not thousands of couples. He knows marriage! The Seven Principals is a definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.

Through a series of in-depth quizzes, checklists, and exercises, similar to the ones he uses in his workshops, Gottman provides the framework for coping with differences and strengthening your marriage.

#3 Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
Little, Brown and Company, 2008
Author: Sue Johnson

"In Hold me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time. Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond." (From the Amazon book description"

"Wonderful! Hold Me Tight blends the best in research findings with practical suggestions from a caring and compassionate clinician. This fabulous book will be of great benefit...to couples trying to find their way to better communication and deeper, more fulfilling ways of being with each other." (Daniel J. Siegel, M.D.author of "Parenting from the Inside Out")


#4 The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband
Scribner, 2012
Author: David Finch

"The warm and hilarious bestselling memoir by a man diagnosed with Asperger syndrome who sets out to save his marriage."

"In his deep desire to be a good husband, a better father, a decent human being who connects with and care for others, Finch tells a universal tale, a fulfilling and even inspiring story of the difference that love – genuinely giving love - can make in our daily lives.” (Deborah Blum, author of "The Poisoner’s Handbook")

#5 His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
Revell, 2001
Author: Willard F. Jr. Harley

In the classic bestseller His Needs, Her Needs, Willard F. Harley, Jr., identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses.

He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs.

#6 Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity
 Free Press, 2004
Author: Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli

According to Dr. Shirley Glass, "the godmother of infidelity" (The New York Times), people today are cheating on their spouses more than ever before-especially in the workplace.

Dispelling common myths with compelling new research and case studies, "Not 'Just Friends'" is a groundbreaking chronicle of what occurs before, during, and after an affair: the danger signs, the vulnerabilities of even good marriages, and the step-by-step road to healing and protecting monogamy in the aftermath.

#7 Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry
Zondervan, 1995
Author: Lesle Parrott III

Are you tired of marriage books that sound like they were written thirty years ago? Do you want real, honest advice from a couple who knows the hopes and struggles of today's couples? Do you want to build a marriage that will last a lifetime? 

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, created by relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, is a comprehensive marriage program designed specifically for today's couples by a couple. And now, in this updated edition, the Parrotts' award-winning approach has been expanded to incorporate ten more years of feedback, research, and professional experience.

#8 Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships
Owl Books, 1998
Author: David Schnarch

Passionate Marriage' is recognized as the pioneering book on intimate human relationships. With a new preface by the author, this updated edition explores the ways we can keep passion alive and even reach the height of sexual and emotional fulfillment later in life. David Schnarch accompanies his inspirational message of attaining long-term happiness with proven techniques developed in worldwide workshops to help couples develop greater intimacy. 

Chapters provide the scaffolding for overcoming sexual and emotional roadblocks— from evaluating personal expectations to laying the groundwork for keeping the sparks alive years down the road, and everything in between. This book is sure to help couples overcome hurdles in their relationships and reach the fullest potential in their love lives.

#9 The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships
Three Rivers Press, 2002
Author: John Gottman

"The Relationship Cure is another in John Gottman's superb series of books on  improving intimate relationships. What distinguishes Gottman's writing from that of other self-help books is that it is based on research findings from his extensive studies he has decoded the mystery of relationships.

"When he says his five steps will help you build better connections with the people you care about, you know that they have been demonstrated to work." (E. Mavis Hetherington, Ph.D., professor of psychology, University of Virginia)

#10 Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship
Plume, 1997
Author: Mira Kirshenbaum

A careful line of 36 questions and self-analysis techniques designed to get to the heart of relationship and marriage problems. This straightforward and practical advice is designed for newer and older relationships, and presents a plethora of information and experience in a clear, concise manner.

Andrew Ewald is a GetLusty writer who spends most of his time reading, writing, cooking, and watching RuPaul's Drag Race with his girlfriend. He graduated from Western Michigan University with a Bachelor's in in English. He might act like a square, but nothing is taboo with this character. Connect with him! E-mail him at andrew@getlusty.com.

28 Surprising Benefits of Being a Loving Couple

Do you realize how wonderful it is to have a loving spouse? Being in an amazing sexual relationship is beautiful and can be very beneficial for your overall health and even finances. Even when things get difficult, being close to someone is one of the best things life has to offer. Of course we get bored and forget how lucky we are to be close to someone. That's OK! At GetLusty, we've put together a list of just some of the benefits of being part of an awesome couple.

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#1 Waking up next to each other. Loneliness might be the most despairing aspect of being single. Opening your eyes after a long nights sleep and seeing the beautiful face of the one you love is a wonderful thing.

#2 Always having someone to see a movie with. Not to say that convenience is a benefit, but if you've found the right one, then you have a best friend who is there to share all your cinematic adventures with.

#3 Seeing the smile on your partners face when you bring them breakfast in bed. From childhood we humans have this obsessive urge to please the ones we love. We behaved this way with our parents, aunts, and grandparents. Now that we're all grown up, we want to carry this convention forward with our relationships. It gives us a sense of accomplishment, and reminds us of how loved we are.

#4 Loving the sound of your partner's annoying laugh. Being ridiculously and insanely smitten with someone is one the most exciting occurrences one will ever experience. To be so infatuated that every little annoying habit becomes a spine-tingling, hair-raising event.

#5 Being able to test your robot dance out on a captive audience. Many of us have a hard time being ourselves out in public. Some of us even dread the idea of co-worker or family member seeing how we act at home, when we're all alone. When you have that special someone in your life, you have a person who loves every silly, bizarre thing you do, and you'll love performing for them.

#6 Having someone to hold onto while you watch "The Exorcist" for the fourth time. It's not just a benefit for the ladies. No matter what your man tells you, he gets scared too, and having someone there provides a huge sense of safety. Having someone who makes you feel safe carries over to larger issues in life - not just spooky movies.

#7 Taking showers together. With your partner there for every aspect of your life, those once ordinary day-to-day tasks suddenly become potential erotic adventures.

#8 Attending your favorite sporting event together. Many singles stubbornly think that sporting events are just for the guys, but a victory make-out session is much more exciting than a few high-fives with your pals. Another benefit is the amount of adrenalin that's built up during a game. Adrenalin always makes for great sex after the match.

#9 Knowing that you have someone to depend on. Your partner is more than just bed mate, they're your companion - someone to experience this life with. Life gets hard, and complicated, and can even seem unbearable at times. The great thing about a couple is, when you fall, there is always someone there to pick you up.

#10 Feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries. Everyone loves being pampered. Whether it's sharing fruit, or a massage. You'll always have someone there to spoil you.

#11 No more depressing masturbation! We know, there will always be masturbation, no matter how often you and your partner have sex. After discovering that intense connection we call love with someone, the sexual experience ascends to something greater than just satisfying that itch in your pants.

#12 Taking vacations together. The majority of us are not loners. Deep down in our core, we crave friendship and community. When it comes to traveling, most of us are intimidated by the thought of going at it alone, so having that loved one next to you seems to arouse the explorer in us.

#13 Perpetual encouragement. Even the best of us lose a little self-esteem from time to time. It's an amazing thing to always have someone there to help rebuild your fortitude.

#14 All-night Netflix marathons. One of the most adventurous things we did in our childhood was staying up all night with our best friends, watching movies and playing games. After we all grew up, that didn't seem to happen anymore. Your friends have lives of their own now and don't seem too excited about having a slumber party with you. Well, that's what your partner is for. He or she is your new best friend, and they'll always be there to help you build that fort in the living room.

#15 Your ass will always look great in that outfit. As we've noted before, confidence is a huge issue with us humans. We are constantly worried about how others see us, and we're even a little superficial at times. Your girlfriend or boyfriend always wants to be the hottest person you know, and you always will be, because you really are the hottest person in the world to them. 

#16 The glorious majesty of oral sex. Sure, you can get a blowjob during a one-night stand, but will it be the greatest blowjob you ever receive? Probably not. Having that one person, night after night, day after day, to explore and experiment with - that's how you master the art of oral sex. Cunnilingus takes some practice, and is a different experience with every woman. Nobody knows how to blow their woman's mind on the first try. It takes time. A couple has the benefit of discovering that perfect orgasm.

#17 Relaxing in the tub together. Everyone loves a bubble bath! Having someone's slippery, naked body rubbing against yours turns that tranquil time in the tub into a romantic, and erotic engagement.

#18 Holding hands (duh!). Intimacy is incredibly fulfilling, whether it's spooning in bed, or just walking down the street, hand-in-hand. Maybe we get it from childhood, the safety and comfort of having someone hold your hand while crossing the street or wandering through a busy public space. What ever the reason, we all love doing it. 

#19 Having a road-trip partner. Before you found the love of your life, you had to ask around to find a friend who would take a trip with you. Sometimes that can be hard. Sometimes nobody wants to be stuck in a car with you for several hours at a time. A couple never has this issue. You're already spending every day together, so it might as well be spent in a car. There's not much better than exploring the open road with someone who laughs at all your bad jokes. 

#20 Having someone to split a Twix with. We're not saying you should be in a relationship just so you don't waste food, but the sharing aspect is very important. You're sharing food, experiences, thoughts - everything you love, everything you hate. You can think of it as "becoming one" with each other, or you could also see it as one person becoming twice as awesome. 

#21 Experimental cooking. Single folks usually fall into their own routine, and they stick with it until someone comes along and introduces them to something new. For the stereotypical male, it's pizza, hot wings, and anything that's easy to cook. When you find yourself in a couple, you discover this urge to try new things. You've merged your lifestyle with someone else's, and that tends to shake things up a bit. You'll both want to find ways to change those old habits of yours.

#22 Getting texts during your work day that make you feel better. You're not alone in this world. The crappy day at work doesn't have to seed into your mind when you have someone on your team, routing for you. He or she isn't just the person you hook up with at home every night, they're personal pep rally. By the end of  your shift, if won't matter how much your boss yelled at you - not when you know you're in love, and are loved in return.

#23 Having someone who makes sure you don't get too drunk. Sometimes your judgement can waver a bit, and you might need a little assistance. It's nice to have someone looking out for you - someone you will thanking in the morning.

#24 Having someone who will listen to you complain about your parents. After a while you'll notice that some of your friends don't make the best listeners, and your siblings can be a little critical, especially if you're the younger one. A couple always has someone to hear their problems, without judgement.

#25 Negotiating foot massages and back rubs. Single people need to pay people for this kind of thing. Other than the financial benefit, it can be really fun bartering for things with loving displays of affection.

#26 Realizing that even when you fight, you still love each other. You'll notice that singles don't fight. They can always just walk away from an argument, but not couples. They love and care for one another. The argument is important.

#27  Getting to experiment with pubic hair lengths. OK, this sounds a little weird, and maybe even a little gross, but think about it. There are places on your body you would never allow a lover to explore. Be in a couple for a certain amount of time and see how absurdly comfortable you become around your partner. You'll start peeing in front of each other, picking your nose in front of them, and yes, playing with their pubic hair.

#28 Knowing how lucky you are. This might not sound like an extremely important benefit right away, but try to remember the last time you felt this way. Happy couples are so damn happy because of little things like this. You'll see them around sometimes, walking tall, a modest smile on their face.

Jason Estrada is currently working on his master's for creative writing, in the hopes of becoming a very rich screenwriter some day. His other interests include photography, cinematography, and video editing. His favorite book is The Great Gatsby. Favorite movie is either The Crow or When Harry Met Sally - can't decide. And his all time favorite show is Doctor Who.

When he's not enjoying any of those things, you can find him at home, drinking and smoking way too much while listening to VNV Nation. You can email him at jason@getlusty.com, or try his Facebook page.

The Clitoris: Demystified



Everyone has heard a clitoris joke. They are all slightly the same and usually end on a note of dismissive bewilderment; a sort of careless surrender. Simply because the clit is small and so super-sensitive it has become a point of fear and a mystery not worth hunting for. Like the Loch Ness monster or something. Men, (and women!), not knowing what a clitoris is and where it is located has become a symbol of society's overall lack of knowledge and disregard for women in general. We at GetLusty aim to educate our readers by increasing discussion, stimulating thought, and abandoning presumptions. So even if you think you know everything about the clitoris, you should read this in-depth article from everyday sex advice team Josie and Eli.

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Dear Sexes: The clitoris. Please demystify.

He Said: Ahhh, the clitoris!!! Yet another fantastic wonder of the world. My research tells me that the clitoris is a sexual organ that is present only in female mammals. In humans, the visible, button-like portion is located near the anterior junction of the labia minora, above the opening of the urethra and vagina. The clitoris is the most sensitive erogenous zone of the female. But I’m sure you already knew that.


If you don’t know where it’s located, check out the picture to the right.

As a man, my field studies with the clitoris tell me that the pleasuring of this organ depends on the owner. When stimulating the clitoris, sometimes a penis will do. Sometimes a tongue or finger will do. And sometimes, props will get the job done as well. Don’t be afraid to experiment! There are many combinations of possibilities, but success, arousal, and satisfaction depend mostly on the preferences of the owner (and good communication – between owner and user). But of course, you don’t want to hear about my research and field studies. You want to hear (and so do I) from our resident clitoris expert, Josie.

She Said, take it away!!

She Said: Thank you, Dr. Eli.

First, let’s clarify: The clit may look like a button, but it is, in fact, not a button. Don’t press it! Don’t touch it with the expectation that you will win a prize. Imagine the all the nerve endings of your penis, but compacted together into that itty bitty little pink thing – actually there are more nerve endings in that teeny area than in your whole penis! You know that feeling after you orgasm, where you just need a second where nothing is touching you because you’re just too sensitive? That’s how the clit can feel if you don’t approach it with sensitivity.

Of course, all women are different. Our engines rev at different speeds. Some of us are geared faster, some slower. When in doubt, take it slower, as she can always tell you, “more, faster, harder” without feeling self-conscious, but she may be less apt to say, “take it easy, that’s too much, slow down.” (Though ladies, really, say what you need to say. Sex isn’t about him, it’s about you both equally.)

Also, as much as you read about this “pulling back the hood” thing with clitorises in less-than-reputable literature (like Penthouse), unless you are given specific instructions to do so, don’t do that either. That little bit of soft flesh is there for a reason, because it is so sensitive and so vulnerable. Leave it be, when she gets aroused and the clit starts to swell, it’ll take care of itself.

So on to arousal. At first, it’s best to avoid any direct contact with the clitoris. Give attention to the whole area – the inner thighs, the labia, the vagina, all the soft stuff. Your relationship with the clitoris is like starting a new little love affair every time you go down there. Give it some attention, be a little aloof, keep checking in, maybe spend a quick visit. But don’t devote a whole ton of energy on the clitoris itself until you’ve gotten the signal that it’s time.

What are the signals? First, the aforementioned swelling. All her parts are going to get soft and more pillowy, warm and pink. Second, the wetness. You should know all about that. Once you feel like the signals are all there, then move to the clit and touch lightly. As she gets more into it, you can add more pressure, but gauge how much by her reactions.

Also, when using your tongue, the tip is great for a little flick, but the wider and less specific part of your tongue is better for more consistent pressure. Try the underside of your tongue (where it’s super smooth) to start out. Once she’s into it, kissing, licking, stroking, and even gentle sucking are all great fun. Or, as Eli pointed out, use a tool.

Just remember that while she’s revving up, try to keep some variety in what you’re doing. Regardless of whether you’re using your mouth, hands, tool or if you’re in the middle of penetrative sex, don’t just find a spot and stick there the whole time. Be creative. Spend more and more time on the clit as she gets more turned on. Once you’ve hit the spot and are in a good rhythm, go with that. Listen to her words and her body and you will quickly become the best lover she’s ever known.

Most women I know find that if they’ve already had an orgasm, the clitoris is more erect, which makes it easier to orgasm during intercourse. Therefore, it’s always fun to aim to have her orgasm either before penetration, or early on in penetrative sex—using a vibrator or your hands or hers—to help increase the likelihood of her achieving multiple orgasms.

Also, there is such a thing as the internal clitoris! I think that the best practical advice about the internal clitoris involves trying different positions and different depths of penetration until you find the spot where the internal stimulation of the g-spot and/or the internal clitoris (aka “glans”) is stimulated. I’m hesitant to give specific advice about where or how this happens because it seems to be different from woman to woman. I can say that the majority of women I know, in a very unscientific poll I conducted, say that they find the best combination of internal/external stimulation of the clitoris happens with slow, almost grinding rhythmic missionary-position sex. Yes, missionary position!

However, as much fun as anecdotal evidence is, the only way for a man to know exactly how to best stimulate either the external or internal clitoris is to experiment with his partner and be responsive to her sexual response.

For more on the internal clitoris, you absolutely must read this awesome and informative Museum of Sex blog where Melodiusmsm gives both scientific and practical female glans advice! Also, I’d love to refer you to my favorite classic sex expert sites, Dodson and Ross: Warning, this video is about clitoral sensitivity – it is graphic and very NSFW!


Reprinted with permission from The Good Men Project. Cross-Posted from She Said He Said.


Josie is a writer living in Los Angeles. Though she has a tight circle of female friends, she's always been a guy's gal. This advice column came about because her best girls kept begging her to ask her guy friends for sex and dating advice on their behalf. She realized that the adice they offered was honest and direct--and completely different than the adive women offered each other.

Eli is an indie-rock musician living in New York City. He loves his football and hockey as much as the next red-blooded male. But when it comes to relationships and love, he's really a true romantic. His friends (female and male) are always asking him for his dating/relationship advice due to his genuine caring, perceptiveness, and honesty. He always calls it like he sees it, and usually sees it very well.

Voting is Sexy! Do It Today!



Dear GetLusty readers,

Are you an American? Many of our readers come from across the world. But this message is especially for Americans and ex-pats living abroad (cast your absentee ballot).

You matter in this election

Cast your ballot. Your vote matters, and your opinion matters. Whether you're voting based on women's reproductive rights, education, national insurance, climate change (enter Barack Obama and Hurricane Sandy), medicare and social security or a variety of other issues. This election couldn't be any closer this November 6, 2012.

We're going to carve out some time in our busy schedules because voting is a priviledge and a duty that we take seriously. You could be the difference between your candidate winning and another sorry soul. For us, and for many women across the United States, it's Barack Obama. But if you think Romney is best suited to your needs, vote! Check out the Funny or Die video prompting you to vote!



Be heard. Vote today!

With love,
Erica Grigg and Tim Watson
Chief Lust Officers

20 Fun-Filled Fall Date Ideas for Couples



Autumn is one of the most romantic seasons: the temperature is perfect for cuddling but still nice enough to leave the house. Brittany Meyer provides a list of our top autumn dates! Some are clothing optional!

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Without ado, here are 24 fall date ideas - some clothed, some not!

#1 Visit a pumpkin patch

Leave the kids at the babysitter! We're talking about a relaxing day between the two of you! There are a whole host of Pumpkin Patches across Chicago. Then, there are even more Pumpkin Patches near Chicago! Really want to bring the kids? Several are more geared towards children, so do a bit of research before you come without your panties on.

#2 Pumpkin carving

So you just arrived home after a visit to the Pumpkin Patch. Now what? After your pumpkin patch visit, bring them home and decide what carving designs you can do together. There are numerous Halloween options, or there are also options for Thanksgiving, too! It might seem a bit cheesy, but it's going to be a fun activity you can work on together.

#3 Get cooking

Don't throw your extra Pumpkin away! Using an additional pumpkin, (or the insides of the carved pumpkins) cook seeds, make Pumpkin salsa, Pumpkin fritters, Pumpkin pie. You can make just about anything with a raw or cooked Pumpkin. Fall is the time to enjoy Pumpkin in all kinds of dishes. Check out more recipe ideas for Pumpkin!

Squash, apples, cranberries, pomegranates and kale are all in season in the fall, so take advantage of their abundance and deliciousness!


 Fall recipes are back, utilizing seasonal foods for you to whip up in a hurry or simmering over an entire day. Get some ideas for new hot dinner and lunches. Coming back from a cold day out is made better by a fall soup to heat you up.


#4 Apple picking

It's that time again. Apple picking is in order! We've talked about it before. You two should get out there and pick some crisp, juicy apples! Find a Chicago orchard and pick apples for cider, baking, or dip! Check out some apple recipes from the Food Network! Can you say, Yummy!?

#5 Walks in parks

The leaves are changing colors, the weather is refreshing and sunny. Nothing says fall like the colors. Enjoy the sights and smells on a leisurely walk through your neighborhood park.

#6 Get outta' town

There are so many beautiful areas across the country. Just outside your city are a host of quaint little towns. Haven't seen the foliage outside of your city? You might be amazed by a natural setting outside of your home town. Visiting National Park isn't just for the summer. Enjoy a leisure drive in a rural setting on the way there.

Sometimes going somewhere new can be exhilarating. Find a cute restaurant or coffee shop with some sort of specialty and give it a try!

#7 Look for local fall parades and farmers' markets

Farmers' Markets are a wonderful way to connect with seasonal, local, and organic ingredients grown near your own back yard. For our fellow Chicagoans, check out the schedule for Chicago Farmers' Markets. You probably have a budding farmers' market system in your city that you never knew about!

#8 Dress in warm clothing, turn the heat down, and have a picnic indoors

For those not interested in leaving or wanting a more intricate picnic menu, stay indoors. Put the couch pillows on the floor with a blanket over them, open the windows, dress warm and enjoy the easy access to your bedroom.



#9 Paint

When was the last time you both created something together? How about painting a new room? Or how about painting a design on your wall? When you create new things together, you'll use team work to make your furnishings a little brighter. Go on. It'll be fun!

#10 Try a cinnamon scented moisturizer or soap to inspire sweet smells and touches 

Does your apartment smell like dirty socks? It happens. How about smelling like Cinnamon sticks instead? Getting a little something new to change up your scent is surprisingly noticeable. You're used to a certain smell. Switching this up can make a big difference. You can also go for a different cologne or perfume--that'll make a big difference, too! Just check-in with your partner to make sure they like it.

#11 Go on a picnic

It isn't winter yet so take this opportunity to venture outdoors! This would be a great time to bring all your wonderful fall recipes to one nice experience. Take a look at some perfect picnic meals here. Go here for a more vegetarian picnic.

#12 Have Fall-themed potluck with other happy couples

Enjoying your time with other happy couples can make you realize the beauty of being married/coupled. Others are in love and that sparks your own interest. How about a potluck? Invite several other couples you know to a Fall-themed potluck!


#13 Watch ‘When Harry Met Sally’

The orgasm scene? When they met? How the story plays out? It gets me teary every time I think about it. Come now, gents. When was the last time you watched a romantic movie together? Bring on the popcorn, this one is going to be cute! When Harry Met Sally is the perfect fall romance movie.

#14 Think of Halloween costumes you would only wear for each other

Of course GetLusty has ideas for sexy Halloween costumes! Are you a thrift shopper? Maybe you love retail? Fall is the ideal time to get some sexy, crazy outfits. Costume shopping can be even more fun when you are buying something that's for your partner's eyes only.

#15 Work out together

At GetLusty for Couples, we believe health is one of the key pillars of an amazing sexual relationship. Exercise can be a wonderful activity to do together. You're both feeling fit, active, and happy. Of course we have workout ideas.

Top 9 Naked November Dates

#16 Naked board game night

Twister, anyone? Pick out your favorite game and make them a little more risqué. Make the stakes higher. For whoever wins, the sexy reward could involve cunnilingus, nipple play, or anything else sexy. Ever consider sexy monopoly? Oh, yeah.

#17 Watch a romantic movie

No clothes. No problem. Cuddle and revel in the adorable plots of a Fall-centered romantic comedy -- even if they're from 2004. "Last of the Mohicans"? OK, so it's a little bit of a tear-jerker. But cuddling naked could also lead to other fun times. 

#18 Play out the scene to a movie

There is nothing quite like holding onto your partner while playing out a scene from The Lord of the Rings! Is there a scene from a movie that you both know so well, you re-live it in your heads? Now how about naked? Being nude just makes everything more fun!

#19 Dance party!

Dance parties aren't just for Jersey Shore. This isn't the time to lower your heat. Get your own indoor dance party. Naked! You might even break a sweat. How about a quick shower after that dance party? Who hates showers with your lover? Thought so.


#20 Add something to your bed

Get a new set of sheets. This will make your abode feel even warmer and make it even harder to leave. Take Sunday morning cuddles to the next level with satin sheets. Don't tell me that won't feel luxurious and wonderful when you're naked!

#21 Enjoy morning coffee together

Wake up earlier, cuddle, drink coffee and have some sort of pastry, if possible. Coffee in the nude is so much fun! You could also pick up a variety of creamers (Pumpkin spice? Eggnog latte?) and enjoy a little cream! Be sure to let your coffee cool down first. We don't want anyone getting burned.

#22 Write a story together

Not just a story. Something creative. Do either of you paint? Write? Draw? Sit down together and share your passions. If you prefer to not be physically involved with another medium, read something you enjoy and lay together. Being creative while naked can take things to a different level.

#23 Bath time

When it's extra chilly, give your body some love with a bath or shower. Get clean, whip away the negative emotions from your body, and talk positively. How beautiful you are! How wonderful your partner is!

#24 Have a cider date

Want to have a sweet and alcoholic date? Try different types of cider! Get several different flavors and brands to find out your favorite. They go very well with fall foods as well.

Enjoy being together and enjoy Fall!

Brittany just moved to Chicago after finishing her degree from FSU and arrived with a thirst to learn about everything that has to do with sex. Having been involved with The F-Word, The Vagina Monologues, amateur drag and a Human Sexuality course she is a very sex positive lady. When she's not admiring architecture or looking for a design job, Brittany does stand-up comedy and thinks of ways to make people on the CTA feel uncomfortable. She also eats high-fives for breakfast. Follow her on twitter @sedanimal. E-mail her directly at brittany@getlusty.com.

3 Ways to Get Him to Bring You Better Orgasms

Orgasm October ended recently, but that doesn't mean we're going to stop talking about orgasms! We wanted to emphasize the need for talking during sex. We're pretty big on communication for amazing sexual relationships. For example, expressing sexual gratitude, or integrating communication into sex. Our favorite husband of 34 years, Tommy Allen, is here to talk about talking and the importance of communication in getting the pleasure you want and need!

* * *

The language of lovemaking does not need to be verbal. Most everything expressed during sex can be transmitted in the form of moans and movements. The rate and intensity of your breathing speaks volumes. The gyrations from your hips provide a roadmap for him to follow. You just need to provide the signals upon which he can react.

Instruction during lovemaking requires a fine balance; too little and you leave him guessing. Too much and he is intimidated. Men need signs from their ladies confirming what he's doing feels good to you. He wants to know he is providing the pleasure you expect and deserve.

Below are my recommendations for guiding him to bring you more pleasure (and indeed, better orgasms):

#1 Use your hands

Nonverbal instructions can easily be conveyed using your hands. Simply put his hand where you want it to be and, with your fingers on top of his, create the movements that you like.

When he begins to do things the way you want it done give him some positive reinforcement by squirming, moaning or pulling yourself into him. Press on his hand when it's good; ease his hand back when it's not.

#2 Don't jerk; be patient

Let him know that he has taken your direction and is now using it for your pleasure. When he starts to go the wrong way, don't pull away. Please, no quick negative reaction. That can be a mood killer. Slowly change positions, rotate carefully in another direction or begin aggressive sex play on him. This stops the discomfort without bashing his ego. He wants to please. He wants direction. Just try to keep it positive.

#3 Say, "Yes"

Guide him with the only word you ever need during good sex: YES. Whispering that single word when he has found the mark is the most positive sign you can give. Men love to hear yes. The louder and more frequent we hear yes the harder (pun intended) we try. Yes is our verbal aphrodisiac. Keep saying yes and we know we are giving you what you want.

There are two sides to this story. Men want, more than anything else, to please you during lovemaking. And selfishly they like a little attention along the way.

Remember, both of you need to provide direction to each other. Sexual communication is the key to a fantastic sexual relationship. Provide the signals he needs to be your perfect lover and encourage from him the guidance you need to reciprocate.

Cross posted with permission from Tommy's Sex, Money & Life blog

Tommy Allen is our favorite husband of over three decades! He now shares his ideas with other couples to help with their success. How great!

Tommy has been happily married for 34 years and together he and his wife have three grown sons. He is a student of life and love. He loves to learn by watching, listening and observing others. He uses his blog to share his observations on life, love, and relationships. Love is Tommy's favorite subject. He and his wife have lived and loved and loved and loved some more in Daytona Beach for more than 18 years. Want more from Tommy? Check out his blog!
 
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