4 Workout Tips for Better Sex & Orgasms

Having a healthy body (as defined by ourselves, not others) is mind-blowingly hot. What's not to love about feeling good with yourself, inside and out? Count on being more emotionally and physically fit, not to mention being better in bed! Being healthy is one of the biggest actions to promote self love you can do. Our resident Sex Life Coach Eric Amaranth talks about getting healthy for better sex. What could be better?

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It is absolutely true that a sex life can be enjoyed regardless of the shape someone is in. My sex life coaching works for a wide range of body types. It is also true that people in better shape have certain advantages in the bedroom. This blog post will cover several of the most relevant muscle groups for both women and men plus the effect they have on your sex and orgasm quality and possibilities.

#1 Abs

This muscle group is one of the most important for men (or women on top). The abs are called on most to drive the pelvis during missionary and sideways missionary intercourse, which is still quite popular. Speeding up the rhythm of his thrust multiplies the effort required to keep up that pace.

Slow is also great, can contribute perfectly to big orgasms, and fast can make it feel like a blur of friction that isn’t as good as the details you can feel with slow. That said, fast has its place and specific advantages too. There are times when certain types of penetration must be done at a rapid rate based on the needs of his partner’s body/genitals to reach orgasm or have the best time possible. There still other situations that have nothing to do with the receiving partner’s needs and everything to do with the man expressing his overpowering desire for his partner and masculine sexual intention.

Abs also play a lesser role in many other positions because they will be recruited for most forms of thrusting. This is why I put abs workouts at the top of the list. The more crunches you can do, the more endurance you’ll have, which translates into being able to thrust rapidly for a longer period of time, which is exactly what your partner may need for a favorite type of big orgasm. Triggering certain orgasms in a given person can also require specific forms of energy-intensive stimulation. If you have what it takes to trigger it, great! If not, then that’s okay, but it’s time to get back in the gym.

My favorite way to workout my abs is with a abs machine that allows me to increase the weight over time in a precise way. After you do crunches to a certain point, curling your own body weight wont be enough for further gains. Crunches on the floor are hard on your tail bone and low back. You also wont be able to add more weight resistance to your crunches in a way that is easy to manage for the majority of people. I’ve seen my most consistent gains in my abs since using a crunches machine.

#2 Quads/thighs

This muscle group is equally important to abs for both women and men. Strong, developed thighs allow a woman to sit astride her man (or penetrating woman) and buck and grind for as long as she wants or needs to drive him or her or herself over the edge into a big-O. This is a popular position for indirect clitoral stimulation during intercourse which works nicely for those women with a clitoris sensitive enough to build up and orgasm from vaginal penetration plus indirect clitoral stimulation against her partner’s pelvis.

Even if a woman is not sensitive enough she can still use this position and combine other forms of direct clitoral stimulation with it. I have a personal attraction to women with developed thighs. I call these thighs “sex engines” because, besides looking sexy, driving a woman’s thrusts during female superior/cowgirl is one thing they’re made for. This position when done a certain way provides a unique form of stimulation to the head of the penis via her cervix.

Thighs are also important in other positions for men as well. Particularly positions with men and doing the thrusting on their knees. The usual weight training for thighs are good: squats and quad-targeting machines. On any of my weight training workouts, I follow a pattern of 10 reps at such and such weight, rest one minute, 8 at a bit higher weight, rest one minute, then a weight setting where I can do 4 to 6 reps before my muscles can lift no more. Rest for two minutes, then do 4 to 6 again. I repeat two more times and then I’m finished with that muscle group.

#3 Butt

The glutes are a big deal in sex. Practically and visually. For both genders, it’s simple: everyone loves to view and touch a partner’s toned, attractive bum. On a practical note, the glutes do join with the abs to help give locomotion to thrusting and other hip movements. This is an opportune time to mention that one of the things I learned early on was that rocking hips are not just a male form of physical sexual expression. I found that women also rock hips often as their body’s way of expressing the enjoyment of the sensations. I was taught that hip bobbing in women is often good to build arousal because it is sexual body language and will urge the mind to go into a more deeply aroused place. I suggest to women clients, as does my mentor, to experiment with different levels of hip bobbing and thrusting to see how it affects them and makes things better.

I’ve tried a number of different exercises that do work the glutes, but no exercise does it for me like a glutes machine. Not even squats. Squats can’t isolate the glutes like that machine can. I don’t see them in every gym, but look around in yours and try it out for a month or two using the workout method I described above. Because glutes are a large muscle group, you’ll see noticeable changes faster than in smaller muscle groups like the arms. Speaking of which….

#4 Arms

We all know women who love men love a pair of muscled arms. It reminds me of what men lust for in breast size and shape. The visual appeal is obvious and also the strength they can exert during sex is exciting. Specifically along these lines is going back to endurance again. The stronger the arms, the more endurance they have to do manual sexual skill sets (using your hands and things held by your hands) that require higher energy output for a given partner whose sex organs need more speed and power to best facilitate specific types of intense orgasms. Not running out of juice right as she’s rising up to climax was a good reason for me to get into curls and tricep work.

I like doing standing dumbell curls for my biceps and standing cable pulldowns for my triceps. Done with the same format as above. My decision to target first the specific muscle groups that serve me best in sex turned out to be a very good idea. Two more things:

1. Google workouts to increase breast size. You won’t increase the breast tissue volume, but a bit more prominence of the pecs will improve the overall look.

2. I prefer sprints and resting for a minute or two on the treadmill to long-distance running for cardiovascular exercise. That said, throwing some cardio in there is really good for stamina during intercourse.

Check out the original post at Sex Life Coach NYC.

Eric Amaranth is a sex life coach, working in NYC and globally via video conference, who specializes in women’s and men’s sexuality, basic to advanced sex skills, and high-end sex education. Individuals and couples are guided toward the relationship, intimacy, and sexual enjoyment goals they desire most.

Amaranth believes that for the majority of people, appreciation of ourselves and our romantic partners is one of the best sustainable resources we have to continuously renew attraction, maintain respect, and stay in love with our partners. This bedrock of deep appreciation is founded and reinforced by the combination of loving relationship skills with breathtaking sexual skills. Follow him on Twitter @Eric_Amaranth.

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7 Simple Rules for Your Sexiest Sunday

Lazy Sundays are probably the best time of the week. Everyone across Facebook and Twitter is talking about their lazy Sundays (especially after all that Halloween partying). Sometimes we take time off to enjoy Sundays. When we do, we enjoy sexy activities to pamper ourselves. Because feeling sexy is just as important being sexy. Our Erica Grigg reports on the things that make her feel sexiest.

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As the Chief Lust Officer, I have big shoes to fill. Friends, family and readers ask, "What should I do to feel sexier?". What it comes down to: how do I feel better to have better sex? Alright, I'll share some of my simple, slightly silly secrets to feeling sexy.

#1 A long bath

I'm daydreaming of this right now. Soaking; the longer the better. The more bubbles the better. Get extra soapy, extra relaxed. And open a bottle of bubbly to top it off! It doesn't need to be expensive. Just taking this time is what it takes to feel sexier. Of course, this requires you to feel you deserve all this self love and attention. Why? You deserve it! Man or woman, bubble baths are not gendered.

Although I admit it's been a long one since I've drawn a bath, it's just one of the most relaxing activities. Speaking of which, I'm going to schedule a bath. Because scheduling sex is just as important as scheduling time for your self.

#2 A mud mask

There's no other choice but to laugh. You look crazy. You likely are some weird color. But putting a masque on your skin is an excellent way to exfoliate. Have you looked at how radiant your skin is after cleansing? Yes.

Though I wouldn't recommend doing this more than 2 times weekly. It'll dry out your skin. Especially in Chicago with winter coming, you want to apply moisturizer after.

#3 Laugh

OK, I just helped that one I think. Or at least I left you wondering, "Why the hell did you include a guy smoking a cigarette in a mud mask?!" Yes according to University of Maryland, laughing makes you feel great. Why? According to the Discovery Network, "There is a stress-induced chemical in the body called cortisol, which contributes to problems like heart disease, hypertension and obesity. When we laugh, we set off a chain reaction that reduces cortisol levels."

#3 Work out

It might've been 4 days or 4 weeks. Maybe even 4 months. Just because you aren't the habit of working out doesn't mean you can't run and jump outside. After hours of working on our rumps during the week, we can start thinking sitting is normal. And healthy. It's not!

Get off your ass. Run, jump and play! Alternatively, go to the adult center for running and jumping - the gym. The gym is the ideal place to get your stress out from a long week. Don't hesitate. Do it! You might be out of shape. You might feel silly. That's OK. You're beautiful. You're competent. And no one at the gym really cares about how you look.

Once you've completed your (small, medium, large) workout -- don't forget to stretch. Have you ever had the cramps of the world the day after visiting the gym? No. It's bad.

#4 Stretch

Next to going to the gym, stretching is awesome to stay limber. No time to visit the gym? Stretch. Touch your toes. There are even stretches before or after sex.

#5 Get naked in front of a mirror. Don't wince

This might be surprising, but your body is likely completely normal. You might be like me--a little pudgy by traditional standards. Maybe you're tall. Or short. Stocky or fit. Either way, getting comfortable in your own skin works wonders for your overall sexiness.

#6 Watch feminist porn (or just visit Lady Cheeky)

There are plenty of reasons to watch porn. We even have recommendations for feminist porn! We'll have more on 'traditional' versus 'feminist' porn. There are several differences. The most striking of which is feminist porn includes far more women producers and directors. From what I've seen, there's a lot more queer porn from the feminist perspective. Overall, for me, feminist porn is awesome and erotic.

#7 Feel like a master

I'm not actually talking about being a submissive here, surprising enough. Although, if that's your thing, we do have several recommendations for being a great submissive. When was the last time you feel like you did something really well? Do you remember that feeling of conquering the world? You could do anything. You were Queen Kong (or King Kong). No one could touch you. Go back there. That is (for me at least) a great source of sexiness.

This is post by Erica Grigg, our Founder and Chief Lust Officer. She's a writer, marketer, social entrepreneur and sex geek. She wants to end boring sex. If you don't see Erica riding around downtown, Chicago in her beach cruiser or at a diner with her adoring husband, you see her chatting up the tech community about the importance of sex and love in marriage. Follow Erica on Twitter @ericagrigg or subscribe via Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.

Want to connect about business partnership with a woman-run business that cares? E-mail me directly at erica@getlusty.com.

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Jill Abrahams on Why Embrace Your Sexuality

Women's sexuality. It's one of those things that's near and dear to our hearts. At GetLusty, we're all some form feminists so we place a great importance on defining and empowering women's sexuality. We interviewed Jill Abrahams, the Executive Producer/Founder of CherryTV, to get her take on what led to her embracing her sexuality and beliefs.

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How did you get to starting CherryTV? Why did you start it? What's your story?

I started CherryTV because the content that I desired wasn’t available. This blog post provides much of the information. This fact sheet attached was included in our press kit when we launched in 2008. And the featured video of our indiegogo campaign also gives great background!

Why is women's sexuality important to you?

I went for years thinking I was “broken.” I also didn’t enjoy sex and understand what the big deal was – and therefore felt inadequate in bed. And I felt alone … that I was the only one who felt this way. Upon learning that other women go through similar experiences – and beginning the journey in overcoming my hurdles … I wanted to help others. They say the most important things in life are having someone to love and to have work in which you feel inspired by. The notion that I could use my professional experience to help women feel more confident, comfortable and fulfilled in bed was a awesome.

Do you consider yourself a feminist? 

Yes despite the fact that I’m not really sure what it means anymore. Do I believe men and women deserve equality in all accounts – yes. Do I believe American society oppresses women – yes!

If so/ if not, why? We live in a patriarchal society in which men make the rules. If men were the ones to get pregnant – abortion and birth control would be a non-issue. The “establishment” has kept women down – and whatever we can do to correct that is worthwhile.

In terms of sex -- I do believe men and women are different in the way they relate to each other on an intimate level. And while we all want to be cherished, loved and respected – the way in which the different sexes (and note, I’m not saying gender – because that’s really not within my area of expertise. CherryTV is basically a hetero-normative site for women) need their appreciate for the other expressed tend to be different based simply on biology.

If women would embrace our sexuality, what would that look like?

I think women would feel they have more of a voice in the bedroom – a right (and obligation) to tell their partner what they want and how they are feeling. I also believe women would no longer feel they need to “perform” in bed – be the sex partner they’re man wants – and as opposed to an equal part of the equation. I would like to believe women would also become more comfortable with their “womanly” bodies – and not feel obligated to fit in to the media-dictated ideal.

If we embraced our sexuality I also believe women would, in general, feel a greater sense of strength and agency in all their activities. We would exhibit, I like to think (and know from personal experience) an increased ownership over work and environment. For example – women have a harder time discussing salary during job interviews than men. What’s up with that? If we felt empowered sexually, I like to think it would “trickle down” into all our activities. I often think, and remind my girlfriends, “would a man handle it that way??”

Lastly, if we were able to increase our belief in the power of our sexuality Mae West would become a bigger icon than Marilyn Monroe. Marilyn represented the female ideal for men, Mae West on the other hand was in control; unabashedly a women in command of her sexuality.

If you had three tips for women to feel sexier, what would they be? 

Masturbate regularly – switch it up, if need be, between manual and vibrator; Realize media’s idealization of the perfect female body is unrealistic and most men love “having something to grab on to.” Embrace the fact that you can have great sex without being “sexy” in the way mainstream culture dictates.

Tell your partner exactly what you like and want – if it’s more kissing, touching, AND compliments… whatever. Sensuality is both physical and emotional – and knowing your partner desires you is a turn on that resonates throughout our being. Compliments, just like the increased closeness experienced from physical intimacy, effect our well being and sexual selves!

How do you use your own sexuality to live a better life? 

As someone who is comfortable with her sexuality, I have found that my sense of “friskiness” (in the appropriate setting) rubs off on others. People are therefore more open and relaxed – and we all have a better time. I have also become the go-to for questions from girlfriends, and that feels good! What are you looking forward to over the next 6-12 months? Relaunching the CherryTV.com website (with support from our indiegogo compaign, creating new videos, and integrating partner content!

More about Jill:


Jill Abrahams is the Executive Producer/Founder of CherryTV.com. She's worked on the internet and in television for more than 15 years. Prior to creating CherryTV.com, Jill produced content and developed strategies for web-based, interactive programming at media outlets such as Rainbow Media and the Russian Media Group.

In 1998, Jill expanded her production work at Pseudo as founder and executive producer of Cherrybomb.com, CherryTV.com’s predecessor. It was then that Jill first developed a firm commitment to helping women develop sexual confidence by producing programming that honestly reflects women’s sexual needs and interests. Prior to her work at Pseudo, Jill honed her video production skills during a four-year stint as a producer for the then-fledgling Food Network. Originally hired as a Production Assistant and the Network’s tenth employee, Jill learned first-hand what it takes to build a successful media outlet from the ground up.

Jill began her initial preparations for a career in media during college, earning a BA from the School of Journalism at the University of Wisconsin, Madison.

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Moms! 10 Ideas For Feeling Your Sexiest

We've heard from several moms they don't want to participate in Naked November. Their belly, their body — sometimes moms feel they're not be the same after bearing children, or feel they have to dress more conservatively because they are a mom. From one mom to another, GetLusty's mom advocate, Eileen Prouffe, is here to say that kids don't mean you can't express yourself: be who you are and embrace your curves! Eileen is here to give her tips to inspire the very important ladies out there — moms!

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#1 Sleepwear

Don't feel you have to sleep in cotton nightgowns every night and hide your body. While they may be comfortable, they are not always sexy. Sleep in just a sexy t-shirt, lingerie, or better yet, naked. Just don't forget to lock the bedroom door.

#2 Get your hair done

My husband loves when I come home from the salon with a new hair style. It will make you feel rejuvenated and like a brand new person inside and out. Getting even the dead ends cut off of your hair can make a huge difference and give you an extra boost of confidence. If you're more of the daring type then try a new hair color and style all together. Have fun with yourself; life is short!

#3 Dress up

If you find yourself always in pajama pants or mom jeans, then it's time to change things up a bit and put on a dress, skirt, or at least some heels with those jeans. Sometimes just dressing up makes you feel good, even if you have nowhere to go. Your significant other will be surprised when they get home and it may help them get in the mood for a little love making. That's what we want, right?

#4 Pamper yourself

Sometimes moms just don't take enough time out to relax and take care of themselves.  Take a hot bath or shower and relax with some scented oils, candles, and an alcoholic beverage of your choice.  Even just exfoliating your whole body with a loofah sponge or body scrub will make you feel great.  Don't forget to moisturize afterwards to leave your skin silky smooth.  I like Avon's Skin So Soft because I can add it to the bath or apply after a shower. Clean up your eyebrows, apply a mask, or even a deep conditioning treatment.  There are endless things you can do for yourself.  Recently, my aunt gave me the tip of warming up a little olive oil and soaking my nails and dry cuticles in it.  Instant manicure!

#5 Get made up

Cosmetic companies are always coming out with new and exciting products that can perk up your face. If your make-up hasn't been updated in a while with more advanced products and different colors, maybe it's time to take a trip to Sephora. Old make-up can be bad for our skin and mascara can get bacteria in it, so it's wise to get new stuff every once in a while. Plus, it's fun and can make you feel like a sex goddess.

#6 Laugh and smile!

It's easy to get caught up in the daily routine of life and forget to take time out to laugh and smile. Not only does it feel good to laugh and smile, but it can help relive tension and stress which means you'll be more relaxed for a good time with your partner later. Your partner will enjoy seeing your smiling face too. If no one is around, then you can put on a funny show or a comedy movie to help life your spirits.

#7 Be a Boudair Pinup

Boudair photography. There are many tasteful-yet-sexy photographers that can take some amazing pictures of you. Have you seen the list of GetLusty recommended Chicago-based boudair photographers? Don't stop there, you could have the photos done in a studio, a park, or even your own home. No money for a photographer? Let your hubby take one! Posing for a picture can be playful, sexy, fun and confidence building because all the attention is on you. It's your moment and you can own it. Your lover will likely enjoy them too. Be a model for the day.

#8 Have a non-mom zone

Yes, you're a mom and I'm a mom, but we're still our own person too. We need our own space free of coupons, school papers and bills.  Whether it's your bedroom, office, or kitchen table, you need your own personal space where you can get creative and gather your thoughts. Even if it's just a cute reading chair, it will work as long as everyone in your household respects your space. It doesn't feel sexy to be bombarded with everyone else's life 24/7.  Remember that you have your own goals and dreams to look after as well.

#9 Walk or jog

There's nothing like walking or jogging down the block and seeing heads turn as you go by. Not only will going for a walk or jog feel good and help you lose or maintain weight, but it can help you realize that you are still beautiful to look at. We may not always see it, but others do. Even if you don't want to exercise, you can just get out of the house and be around others. I was at the grocery store one time and a younger man who worked at the store hit on me while I was shopping.  It was very innocent, but flattering to know I still had it.

#10 Dance the night away

No matter how you dance or what type of music you like, there's nothing sexier than a woman dancing and having a good time. You'll feel great, have a good time, and it might even turn your partner on. Whether you decide to go out to a night club or stay home and dance in the bedroom, you'll feel hotter then ever. Dancing is good for the soul. You can always turn your dance into a strip tease too!

Eileen Prouffe is a new GetLusty writer, but has over ten years as a working mom and trying to keep her love alive. If she's not having fun with her three kids, she's staring into the eyes of her loving husband. She looks forward to sharing her ideas, tips and knowledge with everyone to help improve relationships and put an end to dull sex lives. Get in touch with Eileen at eileen@getlusty.com.

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32 Affirmations From a Nudist (Why Be Nude--Now!)

It's Naked November, so we're all about getting down to our skivvies. We even have several fun nude date ideas. But why? What's so particularly great about being nude? And why in November? OK, we admit it's a bit too chilly for nudity. But that doesn't mean you can't look at yourself naked and feel good. Being naked is about having a positive body image, accepting yourself, and others as well--including all of their flaws. Our resident friend and nudist, Roy Michael Blakely, is here to explain his 32 affirmations for why you should be naked right now.

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Why I Love To Be Nude

For happiness! Naturism keeps, provides, allows, reveals, answers, fulfills, completes and confirms our return to a spiritual design of being human for the joy of loving and being loved beyond all secrecy, inhibition, doubt, and betrayal.

#1 Being Nude keeps me grounded, and protects me from the incremental assassination by a world seeking to rule my awareness with bigotry, sexism, and lust.

#2 Being Nude keeps me more alert - attuned to my surroundings and those around me in a stress-free state of mind.

#3 Being Nude keeps me vigilant in my faith for self-worth and values.

#4 Being Nude keeps me - ME. I belong to ME without self-doubt or pity, thus remaining free as ME to inspire the happiness & joy that gives you me, and me you, free of debt as my reward for being ME.

#5 Being Nude provides my perpetual invitation for new friendships seeking to honor this awareness with our mutual sharing and living.

#6 Being Nude provides the comfort essential for my spirituality.

#7 Being Nude provides the clarity of self-worth and honoring self-esteem with unbridled reflection.

#8 Being Nude provides freedom for others that welcomes their uninhibited selves, for the honor of sharing and living without pretenses.

#9 Being Nude allows me to uphold the honorable spiritual truth that the penis and vagina constitute the physical host for Gender Values, and that no shame, guilt, or fear should diminish our Sum by my attitude and actions.

#10 Being Nude allows me to feel closer to my Higher Power. Bearing no pretense for the design of me--as a spiritual being embodying the human experience.

#11 Being Nude allows me to be more easily recognized by those who embody my passions and honor.

#12 Being Nude allows me to better illuminate the women who can embrace my awareness of them, from the many in denial of that spiritual worth.

#13 Being Nude for a woman‘s honorable worth, reveals my faith in her as undiminished given a lack of pretense by her.

#14 Being Nude for a woman's reflection of her own self worth, reveals her self-esteem with me as undiminished without pretense by me.

#15 Being Nude for a woman‘s acceptance of me, reveals an affection from her that welcomes my worth without excuse.

#16 Being Nude for a woman‘s need of embracing who I am, reveals the affection I seek to share in the mutual worth of friendship, romance, and sexuality.

#17 Being Nude answers the best of what we are in spirit, to honor the most of who we are in the flesh. We can embrace our truth in one another - family, friendship, marriage, and faith, without the ignorance or arrogance of secrecy, inhibition, doubt, or betrayal diminishing that acceptance.

#18 Being Nude answers my greatest honor in being alive as a human being, for the faith and self- worth that constitutes the love with which I worship my Higher Power, in total acceptance.

#19 Being Nude answers the devotion I seek to share with others in family, friendship, marriage, and faith, in total acceptance.

#20 Being Nude answers the need for spiritually, emotionality, and sexuality.

#21 Being Nude fulfills my need for being me, as my quest to worship my Higher Power finds peace and joy in what I am by spiritual design.

#22 Being Nude fulfills my courage of being me, as my need for being nude is of my faith and not by doubt.

#23 Being Nude fulfills my purpose in being me, as shame, guilt, and fear bear no religion as my faith to seduce me.

#24 Being Nude fulfills my duty of being me against all the social assassinations of my spirit sought by religion and politics.

#25 Being Nude completes me with the face value of my self worth, by the naked truth of faith through gentle eyes. With nothing left to shed as a nudist who worships a Higher Power, as a celebration of our sum, answers with reflections of You by spiritual design, that hate cannot undress as a pretense.

#26 Being Nude completes my trust with others about Gender Values, by the gentle eyes I inherit as a nudist to embrace whom I can as a sum rather than for their parts. Greed cannot claim me with selfish want.

#27 Being Nude completes me upon the orgasm, by the gentle eyes I inherit as a nudist to honor sex with the dignity of my own esteem. Temptation cannot answer for me.

#28 Being Nude completes me upon my free agency, by the gentle eyes I inherit as a nudist to respect others as I respect myself, that clothing cannot determine for me.

#29 Being Nude confirms my dignity by my Higher Power's domain, as my spiritual will by realization over consensus, seeks to discover and not plagiarize my meaning with others by spiritual grace.

#30 Being Nude confirms my beauty by my Higher Power‘s domain, as my spiritual will by realization over consensus, seeks to extend, rather than patronize the worth of others by spiritual blessing.

#31 Being Nude confirms my love by My Higher Power‘s domain, as my spiritual will by realization over consensus, seeks to embrace, rather than question, the spiritual truth of others by spiritual will.

#32 Being Nude confirms my sexuality by my Higher Power‘s domain, as my spiritual will by realization over consensus, seeks to deliver, rather than cheat the value of joy in others by spiritual design.

Roy Michael Blakely is a nudist. He's also a divorced father of 5 grown sons & a daughter in Heaven. He is also a newly published author of "Gender Values: A Proposal for Marriage in a Bottle". Michael believes that as long as “normal” is used as a measure for right and wrong, insanity will rule us against growth-maturity-and love! Check out his blogs at Gentle Eyes and Gender Values. Follow Roy on Twitter @gendervalues.

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Don't Forget Play: Have Fun Today!

Staying in love with yourself is just as important as loving your partner. That's why during this time of stress, loneliness and heartache during the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, we're talking about the importance of play. Through play, we not only have fun, but we feel good about ourselves as well. Enjoying the life you're living in the body you were given. Monica Day is here to talk about the importance of having fun so you can live the best, happy life (which is an important part of having great sex, too).

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My kids just watched the old Tom Hanks movie, Big, over the weekend. The one where he wishes on a carnival fortune-telling machine to be “big” and wakes up in the body of a grown man the next morning.

I wandered through the living room during the scene where he has hot co-worker, Elizabeth Perkins, up to his loft and he’s trying to get her to jump on the trampoline. She’s rolling her eyes, asking for a glass of wine, until finally, he drags her onto it, puffy-skirted evening dress and all. Awkward at first, she makes a few tentative bounces and tries to get down. But he holds her hands, bounces with her, and makes it safe and fun for her to play again. And (big surprise) she also falls in love with him.

The irony of course is that she is a big whig in a toy company. But she had forgotten how to play. And while she had plenty of affairs with men in her company as a way to advance her career, this time her feelings were real. This boy-in-a-man’s-body opened her back up to the fun and innocence of playing. Along the way, the experience unleashed in her genuine passion, imagination and intimacy as well.

Hint: Anyone who is dating these days and trying to follow “The Rules” and “He’s Just Not That Into You” advice: I say ditch it and find someone you can play and be yourself with! Everything will fall into place from there.

I was re-introduced to the word “play” as an adult when I entered the realm of sensual living. I wasn’t even good at playing as a child…so playing as an adult was an even greater challenge, as I had no memory to draw from for the experience. Then, to connect “play” with intimacy, sensuality and sex...well, that was a pretty big leap.

To me, play was not serious enough. It made me feel small, silly and suggested that I was irresponsible. Growing up, it seemed like adults had all the freedom and fun, and kids just got in trouble. So I was determined to be “big” as well, as early as possible. But that big-ness soon became an abatross around my neck — something I couldn’t get rid of, even when I finally wanted to.

Today, I see just about everything as one form of play or another — play is freedom, innocence and openness. You can even work out issues and have arguments, all within the realm of play (just ask my kids, they do it all the time)! Play is a mindset: players like to keep the game going, rather than having winners and losers, and life is the biggest game going!

So if the idea of bouncing on a trampoline in your evening attire doesn’t appeal to you, it may be time you give it a try. Innocence, freedom, wonder and love might be right around the corner.

Cross-posted with permission from The Sensual Life.

Monica Day is the founder of The Sensual Life, and a writer, performer, workshop leader, and personal coach.

Her signature workshop, The Essensual Experience, uses creative expression to inspire more honesty and open communication about your desires – which is the precursor to living a life you love, getting the love you desire, and having the sex you’ve only dared imagine. You can follow her on Twitter @thesensuallife, on her Facebook Fan Page, The Sensual Life, and at her website.

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4 Ways to Start Meditating for Better Sex

Meditation seems to be a huge trend right now in the celebrity world with Orlando Bloom and Gisele Bundchen claiming to meditate. But its more than a mere fad. Meditation, like yoga, is thousands of years old! Its healing properties such as reducing stress and bringing about more mental well-being should have everyone meditating! But lets face it: meditation can be scary and intimidating. But, what if I told you that mediation can actually help you reach orgasms? Would you start chanting and making the sound of "om" more? Our Lora Swarts reports on how to get started with meditation!

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According to researchers at Brown University in Rhode Island, women who are able to train their mind and thoughts during sex will experience more pleasure. The study followed 44 students: 30 of whom were women and half of whom had taken a 12 week meditation course. The participants were shown a slideshow of erotic images. When asked to describe their reaction as calm, anxious or aroused, the women who were mediating already registered more quickly as feeling aroused. Meditation allows us to feel more and not get caught up in our own thoughts. When we focus on "feeling" more then we may have a higher chance of orgasming quicker as opposed to letting ourselves get caught up in our heads.

Along with my yoga practice, I love to mediate. Even if its for 10 minutes a day, I always feel more serene, calm, and have more gratitude. Mediation can lead to self-love, body awareness and more attention span all of which can help you with reaching an orgasm! Although orgasms shouldn't be the end goal of sex (that is just too much pressure on a person), it sure is nice to know that meditation can help us reach them! We have already written on some yoga poses to help you have better sex, now its time for some delicious meditation to improve our sex lives!

#1 Quiet environment 

First things first. Be sure to find a comfortable and quiet spot in your home, office, gym, wherever! In order to really go inside you need space and lots of quiet. Do not rush the meditation process. Start with 10-15 minutes and gradually increase your meditation time. Sit up straight and stay comfortable by resting your bum on a folded blanket. Its difficult at first to sit still but just know that you will reap the benefits soon enough. Just like anything it takes time.

#2 Breathe

Just as in yoga, breath is important in meditation. Using breathing exercising helps you get into a more relaxed state. Focus your attention on your belly with every inhale and exhale (feel it expand and deflate as you breath). Try inhaling slowly to a count of three. Then hold your breath for a count of three at the top of your inhale. Exhale for three counts. Once you get used to this style of breathing, increase your counts and hold the breath longer. Using your breath helps keep you focused and more aware. During sex, your breath can help you feel more aware and present. When you are relaxed and your mind is settled you can more easily orgasm.


#3 Personal mantra 

If counting your breath isn't helping you relax and focus, try a mantra or a combo of both! A mantra is a sacred word or phrase that you can speak aloud or with the voice in your head. Also, try imagining a peaceful place in your mind. Focus on this calm place, and let your mind go there. Focusing on your breath, mantra or image will greatly help you in reaching your personal peace. Need help developing your mantra?  Get started with "Om" which is the classic and sacred sound of Hinduism.

#4 Clear your mind 

When your mind begins to wander, non-judgmentally push those thoughts aside without labeling them "good" or "bad" and come back to your breath count, mantra or image. Silencing your mind is the pinnacle of mediation. Meditation is a journey, so just take it all in! When thoughts do enter your mind, and they will, impartially observe them and gently push them away until silence returns.  Eventually you will be able to control your thoughts!

Meditation brings about concentration, knowledge of self, better health, and helps us stay in the present and worry less about the past and future. Think about it. During sex, if you can concentrate more, detach your mind from disruptive thoughts, and relax, orgasming is just around the corner! So start "oming" to start having that big "O"!

 Lora is our Editorial intern and resident health nut. When she is not writing, you can find her on her yoga mat, exploring Chicago via bicycle, or spending time with her wonderful boyfriend and Beagle puppy in their north side apartment. She has a habit of spending too much money on soy lattes and yoga clothes. Find her on Twitter at @HoneyNutLo or writing over at her own blog! Have any questions? Email her at Lora@GetLusty.com

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