3 Ways Too Much Porn Could Be Killing Your Erection

We love porn. But could porn effect men differently than women? What are the implications for watching porn? Could porn have an influence on your sex drive or erection? Have your triggers become so extreme and so far removed from actual real-life sex that you are having trouble actually having sex? We've heard this several times from our readers that porn has had a big impact on their sex life. If it's having a negative impact, could you turn that around?

Erectile dysfunction and loss of desire are often blamed entirely on physical problems, with thanks in large part to propaganda specialists (ie drug companies). Rarely do we investigate psychological causes. Often guys are simply too freaked or stressed to get erect and they have physically nothing wrong. GetLusty for Couples's Jason Estrada proposes a theory that might be so obvious and logical that it eludes consideration. Gents, could you be watching too much porn?

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Guys, we all know what erectile dysfunction (ED) is? We’ve all read the articles and seen the hundreds of advertisements for little blue pills. If you suffer from this affliction, you might have went straight to the Viagra website before seeing a doctor. I’m guessing most men with ED didn’t even consider seeing a therapist. Here’s one more thing I’m betting most of you haven’t considered; too much porn.

#1 Extreme-itization

Erectile dysfunction affects more than just retired old men with silver hair - it affects men of all ages. Even young, healthy twenty-somethings have trouble getting it up these days. Think about what porn is today. It gets hotter, nastier, and more extreme every day.

When you look at an old Playboy, can you honestly say that it still turns you on? Of course it doesn’t. Not when there’s readily available hardcore porn on the Internet. And the stuff on the internet isn’t an elegantly airbrushed model in some tasteful pose kind of porn. The porn we watch today has raised our tolerance for the erotic.

Once your computer turns off, you walk away with these new extreme fetishes floating around in your imagination. Your partner comes home and they’re ready for some sexy fun, but there’s a problem. The idea of normal, real-life sex just isn’t doing it for you. She isn’t that porn star, draped in latex and gagging on a red rubber ball. How can you go back to that old fashion sex after experiencing such extreme stimulus? Doggie style and missionary position don't seem as exciting as they used to. So regular sex doesn’t do it for you anymore. Getting turned on has become harder than ever. Excuse the pun.

#2 Lowers your self-esteem

Lets say you don’t like that fetish porn. Maybe you’re fine with watching one person fucking another. No bondage or fisting for you, but you still can’t get excited for real-life sex. Well, raising one’s tolerance beyond a realistic level isn’t the only negative symptom of porn.

You’re watching completely average porn. We’ll say, one guy – one girl. All they’re doing is fucking. There’s nothing out of the ordinary realm of real-life sex except for one thing. All male porn stars are sex gods! First of all, they can fuck for hours (it seems). Most of us are proud as hell if we make it to 30 minutes. Especially after we enter our 30s and 40s. The second issue is this sex god on our computer screen has this monster of a dick, 12 inches long and 4 inches wide. By now I’m sure we’ve all realized men’s obsession with penis size. For some, our penis size determines our amount of confidence, and has a dramatic effect on our personality. You know that part in movies where the man pulls out a gigantic gun and the woman says something about him over-compensating for his small penis?


Just like in all other mainstream media outlets, porn has perverted our perspective of reality. We can never live up to porn’s standard of “real” manliness.

#3 Fear

Have you ever paid attention to the advertisements on porn websites and magazines? They are filled with ED medication, penis enlargement and “how To fuck a girl" ads. An extremely important fact to remember is that ED pills are developed for older men whose problems stem from aging and blocked blood vessels in the penis. They are not for gents with self-esteem issues, and they definitely not for “sport fucking”. Also important, is that these advertisers are feeding off our fear of impotence. Fear is where impotence starts – fear that you can’t perform like that porn star, fear that your partner won’t scream and holler like the girl in the porn.

How can we survive without porn?

I’m not telling you to stop watching porn, but maybe switch to different genres. Find some porn sites that don’t flood you with unrealistic fantasies. That beautiful woman/man who sleeps next to you every night – that person should be your fantasy. If you can’t experience it with her/him, then don’t experience it with some porn stars on your computer.

Jason Estrada is currently working on his master's for creative writing, in the hopes of becoming a very rich screenwriter some day. His other interests include photography, cinematography, and video editing. His favorite book is The Great Gatsby. Favorite movie is either The Crow or When Harry Met Sally - can't decide. And his all time favorite show is Doctor Who.

When he's not enjoying any of those things, you can find him at home, drinking and smoking way too much while listening to VNV Nation. Connect with him via email at jason@getlusty.com or subscribe via Facebook.

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Getting Over Shame Through Nude Photography (NSFW)

It's already nearly mid-way through Naked November, so we've been thinking about nudity a lot. We support getting naked in all forms, including photography. What better way to show off your beauty than getting photographed? An intimate photographer, the artist behind 101 Vagina, is here to talk about how nude photography could decrease your shame of getting naked. Why? Read on!

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I do a fair bit of nude photography, but almost exclusively of women, so how does this relate to couples? Well, let me tell you a story.

A friend of mine, Eva, was complimenting some of my photos in a series of clay covered nudes and since I mostly shoot friends, I remarked that it could be her in those photos. She chuckled, declined and said she had a lot of body image issues. Stunning as she is I was not surprised since this is unfortunately all too common.

To combat one particular body image issue and taboo I have also been working on a coffee table photo book called 101 Vagina, a collection of 101 photos with a message from each of the women. When this arose in conversation I again asked if she might be interested in participating. Again she declined.

But her compliments kept coming and I suggested she might appreciate seeing herself through fresh eyes. In the end it was her boyfriend who emboldened her, saying it might help her get over some of her negative body image. So she got in touch to participate, in both projects no less.

Most people are a little awkward in front of a camera at first, but Eva was almost inconsolable. She was visibly struggling, so I went to give her a hug. I was stunned. Her whole body was shaking, from the inside, as if some massive tectonic plates were shifting in her character, dislodging old and strong patterns of shame. I had never witnessed anyone confront such massive fear, and have the courage to go ahead in spite of it. Massive kudos to her!

As it turned out it didn't take long for her to relax into the shoot and we got some great images. She could hardly believe that the images were of her, seeing herself through my eyes allowed her to see the beauty in my beholder's eye, rather than the critic in hers.

The next day Eva wrote to me me that she looked at herself in the mirror naked for the first time ever!

More recently she shared this about how it affected her relationship. "It certainly has changed our relationship, firstly I was so amazed and felt so loved when he told me to go ahead with something that I thought most guys would discourage. When I sent him the pics I was really nervous, and I was so happy to hear that he loved them. I'm much less shy around him now, and find it slightly easier to talk to him about my body."

Witnessing such shifts is the reward for the conscious nude photographer. But it was not always so.

My journey with nude photography began many years before I ever took a nude photograph; in my mind. I dreamed of doing it ever since I became sexually aware but there was a huge barrier in the way. That barrier was shame. My mother was a fairly strong feminist and the message I inadvertently internalised was that male sexual desire is the root cause of all evil in the world, that nudes are degrading and people who take them akin to murderers. And yet I loved the images.

Perhaps fittingly it was a woman who finally invited me into the world of nude photography, and that first experience, and all that followed, have worked to reverse my inhibitions. It was a healing process for me, an affirmation that my appreciation of the female form is not only tolerated, but appreciated. Further to that, it was often a healing experience for the women also.

Any shame we hold around our bodies and sexuality will always impact on the way we share ourselves with others. Shame is a powerful hindrance to happiness and it does not dislodge easily. If it's easy to talk about it's not shame you're dealing with. Shame is the last thing we want to talk about, ever. But it's the first step to really being honest and connecting with ourselves and others.

Philip Werner is a Melbourne (Australia) based photographer (philipwernerfoto.com), web-designer, meditator, furniture maker (lazydeckchairs.com.au), thinker, engineer, shit-stirrer and perhaps soon-to-be book publisher (101vagina.com).

He has travelled the external and internal world extensively and gotten a closer understanding of each in the process. His photographic portrait work demonstrates this awareness through the depth of presence he captures in his subjects, bringing their internal world to light in the external form of their bodies. Follow him on Twitter & Facebook.

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Jill Abrahams on Why Embrace Your Sexuality

Women's sexuality. It's one of those things that's near and dear to our hearts. At GetLusty, we're all some form feminists so we place a great importance on defining and empowering women's sexuality. We interviewed Jill Abrahams, the Executive Producer/Founder of CherryTV, to get her take on what led to her embracing her sexuality and beliefs.

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How did you get to starting CherryTV? Why did you start it? What's your story?

I started CherryTV because the content that I desired wasn’t available. This blog post provides much of the information. This fact sheet attached was included in our press kit when we launched in 2008. And the featured video of our indiegogo campaign also gives great background!

Why is women's sexuality important to you?

I went for years thinking I was “broken.” I also didn’t enjoy sex and understand what the big deal was – and therefore felt inadequate in bed. And I felt alone … that I was the only one who felt this way. Upon learning that other women go through similar experiences – and beginning the journey in overcoming my hurdles … I wanted to help others. They say the most important things in life are having someone to love and to have work in which you feel inspired by. The notion that I could use my professional experience to help women feel more confident, comfortable and fulfilled in bed was a awesome.

Do you consider yourself a feminist? 

Yes despite the fact that I’m not really sure what it means anymore. Do I believe men and women deserve equality in all accounts – yes. Do I believe American society oppresses women – yes!

If so/ if not, why? We live in a patriarchal society in which men make the rules. If men were the ones to get pregnant – abortion and birth control would be a non-issue. The “establishment” has kept women down – and whatever we can do to correct that is worthwhile.

In terms of sex -- I do believe men and women are different in the way they relate to each other on an intimate level. And while we all want to be cherished, loved and respected – the way in which the different sexes (and note, I’m not saying gender – because that’s really not within my area of expertise. CherryTV is basically a hetero-normative site for women) need their appreciate for the other expressed tend to be different based simply on biology.

If women would embrace our sexuality, what would that look like?

I think women would feel they have more of a voice in the bedroom – a right (and obligation) to tell their partner what they want and how they are feeling. I also believe women would no longer feel they need to “perform” in bed – be the sex partner they’re man wants – and as opposed to an equal part of the equation. I would like to believe women would also become more comfortable with their “womanly” bodies – and not feel obligated to fit in to the media-dictated ideal.

If we embraced our sexuality I also believe women would, in general, feel a greater sense of strength and agency in all their activities. We would exhibit, I like to think (and know from personal experience) an increased ownership over work and environment. For example – women have a harder time discussing salary during job interviews than men. What’s up with that? If we felt empowered sexually, I like to think it would “trickle down” into all our activities. I often think, and remind my girlfriends, “would a man handle it that way??”

Lastly, if we were able to increase our belief in the power of our sexuality Mae West would become a bigger icon than Marilyn Monroe. Marilyn represented the female ideal for men, Mae West on the other hand was in control; unabashedly a women in command of her sexuality.

If you had three tips for women to feel sexier, what would they be? 

Masturbate regularly – switch it up, if need be, between manual and vibrator; Realize media’s idealization of the perfect female body is unrealistic and most men love “having something to grab on to.” Embrace the fact that you can have great sex without being “sexy” in the way mainstream culture dictates.

Tell your partner exactly what you like and want – if it’s more kissing, touching, AND compliments… whatever. Sensuality is both physical and emotional – and knowing your partner desires you is a turn on that resonates throughout our being. Compliments, just like the increased closeness experienced from physical intimacy, effect our well being and sexual selves!

How do you use your own sexuality to live a better life? 

As someone who is comfortable with her sexuality, I have found that my sense of “friskiness” (in the appropriate setting) rubs off on others. People are therefore more open and relaxed – and we all have a better time. I have also become the go-to for questions from girlfriends, and that feels good! What are you looking forward to over the next 6-12 months? Relaunching the CherryTV.com website (with support from our indiegogo compaign, creating new videos, and integrating partner content!

More about Jill:


Jill Abrahams is the Executive Producer/Founder of CherryTV.com. She's worked on the internet and in television for more than 15 years. Prior to creating CherryTV.com, Jill produced content and developed strategies for web-based, interactive programming at media outlets such as Rainbow Media and the Russian Media Group.

In 1998, Jill expanded her production work at Pseudo as founder and executive producer of Cherrybomb.com, CherryTV.com’s predecessor. It was then that Jill first developed a firm commitment to helping women develop sexual confidence by producing programming that honestly reflects women’s sexual needs and interests. Prior to her work at Pseudo, Jill honed her video production skills during a four-year stint as a producer for the then-fledgling Food Network. Originally hired as a Production Assistant and the Network’s tenth employee, Jill learned first-hand what it takes to build a successful media outlet from the ground up.

Jill began her initial preparations for a career in media during college, earning a BA from the School of Journalism at the University of Wisconsin, Madison.

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Moms! 10 Ideas For Feeling Your Sexiest

We've heard from several moms they don't want to participate in Naked November. Their belly, their body — sometimes moms feel they're not be the same after bearing children, or feel they have to dress more conservatively because they are a mom. From one mom to another, GetLusty's mom advocate, Eileen Prouffe, is here to say that kids don't mean you can't express yourself: be who you are and embrace your curves! Eileen is here to give her tips to inspire the very important ladies out there — moms!

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#1 Sleepwear

Don't feel you have to sleep in cotton nightgowns every night and hide your body. While they may be comfortable, they are not always sexy. Sleep in just a sexy t-shirt, lingerie, or better yet, naked. Just don't forget to lock the bedroom door.

#2 Get your hair done

My husband loves when I come home from the salon with a new hair style. It will make you feel rejuvenated and like a brand new person inside and out. Getting even the dead ends cut off of your hair can make a huge difference and give you an extra boost of confidence. If you're more of the daring type then try a new hair color and style all together. Have fun with yourself; life is short!

#3 Dress up

If you find yourself always in pajama pants or mom jeans, then it's time to change things up a bit and put on a dress, skirt, or at least some heels with those jeans. Sometimes just dressing up makes you feel good, even if you have nowhere to go. Your significant other will be surprised when they get home and it may help them get in the mood for a little love making. That's what we want, right?

#4 Pamper yourself

Sometimes moms just don't take enough time out to relax and take care of themselves.  Take a hot bath or shower and relax with some scented oils, candles, and an alcoholic beverage of your choice.  Even just exfoliating your whole body with a loofah sponge or body scrub will make you feel great.  Don't forget to moisturize afterwards to leave your skin silky smooth.  I like Avon's Skin So Soft because I can add it to the bath or apply after a shower. Clean up your eyebrows, apply a mask, or even a deep conditioning treatment.  There are endless things you can do for yourself.  Recently, my aunt gave me the tip of warming up a little olive oil and soaking my nails and dry cuticles in it.  Instant manicure!

#5 Get made up

Cosmetic companies are always coming out with new and exciting products that can perk up your face. If your make-up hasn't been updated in a while with more advanced products and different colors, maybe it's time to take a trip to Sephora. Old make-up can be bad for our skin and mascara can get bacteria in it, so it's wise to get new stuff every once in a while. Plus, it's fun and can make you feel like a sex goddess.

#6 Laugh and smile!

It's easy to get caught up in the daily routine of life and forget to take time out to laugh and smile. Not only does it feel good to laugh and smile, but it can help relive tension and stress which means you'll be more relaxed for a good time with your partner later. Your partner will enjoy seeing your smiling face too. If no one is around, then you can put on a funny show or a comedy movie to help life your spirits.

#7 Be a Boudair Pinup

Boudair photography. There are many tasteful-yet-sexy photographers that can take some amazing pictures of you. Have you seen the list of GetLusty recommended Chicago-based boudair photographers? Don't stop there, you could have the photos done in a studio, a park, or even your own home. No money for a photographer? Let your hubby take one! Posing for a picture can be playful, sexy, fun and confidence building because all the attention is on you. It's your moment and you can own it. Your lover will likely enjoy them too. Be a model for the day.

#8 Have a non-mom zone

Yes, you're a mom and I'm a mom, but we're still our own person too. We need our own space free of coupons, school papers and bills.  Whether it's your bedroom, office, or kitchen table, you need your own personal space where you can get creative and gather your thoughts. Even if it's just a cute reading chair, it will work as long as everyone in your household respects your space. It doesn't feel sexy to be bombarded with everyone else's life 24/7.  Remember that you have your own goals and dreams to look after as well.

#9 Walk or jog

There's nothing like walking or jogging down the block and seeing heads turn as you go by. Not only will going for a walk or jog feel good and help you lose or maintain weight, but it can help you realize that you are still beautiful to look at. We may not always see it, but others do. Even if you don't want to exercise, you can just get out of the house and be around others. I was at the grocery store one time and a younger man who worked at the store hit on me while I was shopping.  It was very innocent, but flattering to know I still had it.

#10 Dance the night away

No matter how you dance or what type of music you like, there's nothing sexier than a woman dancing and having a good time. You'll feel great, have a good time, and it might even turn your partner on. Whether you decide to go out to a night club or stay home and dance in the bedroom, you'll feel hotter then ever. Dancing is good for the soul. You can always turn your dance into a strip tease too!

Eileen Prouffe is a new GetLusty writer, but has over ten years as a working mom and trying to keep her love alive. If she's not having fun with her three kids, she's staring into the eyes of her loving husband. She looks forward to sharing her ideas, tips and knowledge with everyone to help improve relationships and put an end to dull sex lives. Get in touch with Eileen at eileen@getlusty.com.

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32 Affirmations From a Nudist (Why Be Nude--Now!)

It's Naked November, so we're all about getting down to our skivvies. We even have several fun nude date ideas. But why? What's so particularly great about being nude? And why in November? OK, we admit it's a bit too chilly for nudity. But that doesn't mean you can't look at yourself naked and feel good. Being naked is about having a positive body image, accepting yourself, and others as well--including all of their flaws. Our resident friend and nudist, Roy Michael Blakely, is here to explain his 32 affirmations for why you should be naked right now.

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Why I Love To Be Nude

For happiness! Naturism keeps, provides, allows, reveals, answers, fulfills, completes and confirms our return to a spiritual design of being human for the joy of loving and being loved beyond all secrecy, inhibition, doubt, and betrayal.

#1 Being Nude keeps me grounded, and protects me from the incremental assassination by a world seeking to rule my awareness with bigotry, sexism, and lust.

#2 Being Nude keeps me more alert - attuned to my surroundings and those around me in a stress-free state of mind.

#3 Being Nude keeps me vigilant in my faith for self-worth and values.

#4 Being Nude keeps me - ME. I belong to ME without self-doubt or pity, thus remaining free as ME to inspire the happiness & joy that gives you me, and me you, free of debt as my reward for being ME.

#5 Being Nude provides my perpetual invitation for new friendships seeking to honor this awareness with our mutual sharing and living.

#6 Being Nude provides the comfort essential for my spirituality.

#7 Being Nude provides the clarity of self-worth and honoring self-esteem with unbridled reflection.

#8 Being Nude provides freedom for others that welcomes their uninhibited selves, for the honor of sharing and living without pretenses.

#9 Being Nude allows me to uphold the honorable spiritual truth that the penis and vagina constitute the physical host for Gender Values, and that no shame, guilt, or fear should diminish our Sum by my attitude and actions.

#10 Being Nude allows me to feel closer to my Higher Power. Bearing no pretense for the design of me--as a spiritual being embodying the human experience.

#11 Being Nude allows me to be more easily recognized by those who embody my passions and honor.

#12 Being Nude allows me to better illuminate the women who can embrace my awareness of them, from the many in denial of that spiritual worth.

#13 Being Nude for a woman‘s honorable worth, reveals my faith in her as undiminished given a lack of pretense by her.

#14 Being Nude for a woman's reflection of her own self worth, reveals her self-esteem with me as undiminished without pretense by me.

#15 Being Nude for a woman‘s acceptance of me, reveals an affection from her that welcomes my worth without excuse.

#16 Being Nude for a woman‘s need of embracing who I am, reveals the affection I seek to share in the mutual worth of friendship, romance, and sexuality.

#17 Being Nude answers the best of what we are in spirit, to honor the most of who we are in the flesh. We can embrace our truth in one another - family, friendship, marriage, and faith, without the ignorance or arrogance of secrecy, inhibition, doubt, or betrayal diminishing that acceptance.

#18 Being Nude answers my greatest honor in being alive as a human being, for the faith and self- worth that constitutes the love with which I worship my Higher Power, in total acceptance.

#19 Being Nude answers the devotion I seek to share with others in family, friendship, marriage, and faith, in total acceptance.

#20 Being Nude answers the need for spiritually, emotionality, and sexuality.

#21 Being Nude fulfills my need for being me, as my quest to worship my Higher Power finds peace and joy in what I am by spiritual design.

#22 Being Nude fulfills my courage of being me, as my need for being nude is of my faith and not by doubt.

#23 Being Nude fulfills my purpose in being me, as shame, guilt, and fear bear no religion as my faith to seduce me.

#24 Being Nude fulfills my duty of being me against all the social assassinations of my spirit sought by religion and politics.

#25 Being Nude completes me with the face value of my self worth, by the naked truth of faith through gentle eyes. With nothing left to shed as a nudist who worships a Higher Power, as a celebration of our sum, answers with reflections of You by spiritual design, that hate cannot undress as a pretense.

#26 Being Nude completes my trust with others about Gender Values, by the gentle eyes I inherit as a nudist to embrace whom I can as a sum rather than for their parts. Greed cannot claim me with selfish want.

#27 Being Nude completes me upon the orgasm, by the gentle eyes I inherit as a nudist to honor sex with the dignity of my own esteem. Temptation cannot answer for me.

#28 Being Nude completes me upon my free agency, by the gentle eyes I inherit as a nudist to respect others as I respect myself, that clothing cannot determine for me.

#29 Being Nude confirms my dignity by my Higher Power's domain, as my spiritual will by realization over consensus, seeks to discover and not plagiarize my meaning with others by spiritual grace.

#30 Being Nude confirms my beauty by my Higher Power‘s domain, as my spiritual will by realization over consensus, seeks to extend, rather than patronize the worth of others by spiritual blessing.

#31 Being Nude confirms my love by My Higher Power‘s domain, as my spiritual will by realization over consensus, seeks to embrace, rather than question, the spiritual truth of others by spiritual will.

#32 Being Nude confirms my sexuality by my Higher Power‘s domain, as my spiritual will by realization over consensus, seeks to deliver, rather than cheat the value of joy in others by spiritual design.

Roy Michael Blakely is a nudist. He's also a divorced father of 5 grown sons & a daughter in Heaven. He is also a newly published author of "Gender Values: A Proposal for Marriage in a Bottle". Michael believes that as long as “normal” is used as a measure for right and wrong, insanity will rule us against growth-maturity-and love! Check out his blogs at Gentle Eyes and Gender Values. Follow Roy on Twitter @gendervalues.

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