10 Must Read Books on Marriage

Marriage can be an intensely amazing but complicated experience and sometimes you need help and advice to guide you. We have already given you lists for things like best blow jobs and cunnilingus books to help you with your lusty sex life. Now we feel like it's about time for a list of books on marriage. The folks at GetLusty are confident that this list of 10 books will help you get through many of the speed bumps that may arise in your marriage!

* * *

#1 The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
Northfield Publishing, 2009
Author: Gary D Chapman

New York Times bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman guides couples in identifying, understanding, and speaking their spouse’s primary love language—quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. 

Chapters are categorized by love language for easy reference, and each one ends with specific, simple steps to express a specific language to your spouse and guide your marriage in the right direction. A newly designed love languages assessment will help you understand and strengthen your relationship. You can build a lasting, loving marriage together.

#2 The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert
Three Rivers Press, 2000
Author: John M. Gottman and Nan Silver

Another book by the best-selling author John M. Gottman, Ph.D, the Seven Principles is packed with practical questionnaires and exercises. He's written extensively on the topic and has interviewed hundreds--if not thousands of couples. He knows marriage! The Seven Principals is a definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential.

Through a series of in-depth quizzes, checklists, and exercises, similar to the ones he uses in his workshops, Gottman provides the framework for coping with differences and strengthening your marriage.

#3 Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
Little, Brown and Company, 2008
Author: Sue Johnson

"In Hold me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time. Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond." (From the Amazon book description"

"Wonderful! Hold Me Tight blends the best in research findings with practical suggestions from a caring and compassionate clinician. This fabulous book will be of great benefit...to couples trying to find their way to better communication and deeper, more fulfilling ways of being with each other." (Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., author of "Parenting from the Inside Out")


#4 The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man's Quest to Be a Better Husband
Scribner, 2012
Author: David Finch

"The warm and hilarious bestselling memoir by a man diagnosed with Asperger syndrome who sets out to save his marriage."

"In his deep desire to be a good husband, a better father, a decent human being who connects with and care for others, Finch tells a universal tale, a fulfilling and even inspiring story of the difference that love – genuinely giving love - can make in our daily lives.” (Deborah Blum, author of "The Poisoner’s Handbook")

#5 His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage
Revell, 2001
Author: Willard F. Jr. Harley

In the classic bestseller His Needs, Her Needs, Willard F. Harley, Jr., identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses.

He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs.

#6 Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity
 Free Press, 2004
Author: Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli

According to Dr. Shirley Glass, "the godmother of infidelity" (The New York Times), people today are cheating on their spouses more than ever before-especially in the workplace.

Dispelling common myths with compelling new research and case studies, "Not 'Just Friends'" is a groundbreaking chronicle of what occurs before, during, and after an affair: the danger signs, the vulnerabilities of even good marriages, and the step-by-step road to healing and protecting monogamy in the aftermath.

#7 Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry
Zondervan, 1995
Author: Lesle Parrott III

Are you tired of marriage books that sound like they were written thirty years ago? Do you want real, honest advice from a couple who knows the hopes and struggles of today's couples? Do you want to build a marriage that will last a lifetime? 

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, created by relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, is a comprehensive marriage program designed specifically for today's couples by a couple. And now, in this updated edition, the Parrotts' award-winning approach has been expanded to incorporate ten more years of feedback, research, and professional experience.

#8 Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships
Owl Books, 1998
Author: David Schnarch

Passionate Marriage' is recognized as the pioneering book on intimate human relationships. With a new preface by the author, this updated edition explores the ways we can keep passion alive and even reach the height of sexual and emotional fulfillment later in life. David Schnarch accompanies his inspirational message of attaining long-term happiness with proven techniques developed in worldwide workshops to help couples develop greater intimacy. 

Chapters provide the scaffolding for overcoming sexual and emotional roadblocks— from evaluating personal expectations to laying the groundwork for keeping the sparks alive years down the road, and everything in between. This book is sure to help couples overcome hurdles in their relationships and reach the fullest potential in their love lives.

#9 The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships
Three Rivers Press, 2002
Author: John Gottman

"The Relationship Cure is another in John Gottman's superb series of books on  improving intimate relationships. What distinguishes Gottman's writing from that of other self-help books is that it is based on research findings from his extensive studies he has decoded the mystery of relationships.

"When he says his five steps will help you build better connections with the people you care about, you know that they have been demonstrated to work." (E. Mavis Hetherington, Ph.D., professor of psychology, University of Virginia)

#10 Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship
Plume, 1997
Author: Mira Kirshenbaum

A careful line of 36 questions and self-analysis techniques designed to get to the heart of relationship and marriage problems. This straightforward and practical advice is designed for newer and older relationships, and presents a plethora of information and experience in a clear, concise manner.

Andrew Ewald is a GetLusty writer who spends most of his time reading, writing, cooking, and watching RuPaul's Drag Race with his girlfriend. He graduated from Western Michigan University with a Bachelor's in in English. He might act like a square, but nothing is taboo with this character. Connect with him! E-mail him at andrew@getlusty.com.

Read more »

28 Surprising Benefits of Being a Loving Couple

Do you realize how wonderful it is to have a loving spouse? Being in an amazing sexual relationship is beautiful and can be very beneficial for your overall health and even finances. Even when things get difficult, being close to someone is one of the best things life has to offer. Of course we get bored and forget how lucky we are to be close to someone. That's OK! At GetLusty, we've put together a list of just some of the benefits of being part of an awesome couple.

* * *

#1 Waking up next to each other. Loneliness might be the most despairing aspect of being single. Opening your eyes after a long nights sleep and seeing the beautiful face of the one you love is a wonderful thing.

#2 Always having someone to see a movie with. Not to say that convenience is a benefit, but if you've found the right one, then you have a best friend who is there to share all your cinematic adventures with.

#3 Seeing the smile on your partners face when you bring them breakfast in bed. From childhood we humans have this obsessive urge to please the ones we love. We behaved this way with our parents, aunts, and grandparents. Now that we're all grown up, we want to carry this convention forward with our relationships. It gives us a sense of accomplishment, and reminds us of how loved we are.

#4 Loving the sound of your partner's annoying laugh. Being ridiculously and insanely smitten with someone is one the most exciting occurrences one will ever experience. To be so infatuated that every little annoying habit becomes a spine-tingling, hair-raising event.

#5 Being able to test your robot dance out on a captive audience. Many of us have a hard time being ourselves out in public. Some of us even dread the idea of co-worker or family member seeing how we act at home, when we're all alone. When you have that special someone in your life, you have a person who loves every silly, bizarre thing you do, and you'll love performing for them.

#6 Having someone to hold onto while you watch "The Exorcist" for the fourth time. It's not just a benefit for the ladies. No matter what your man tells you, he gets scared too, and having someone there provides a huge sense of safety. Having someone who makes you feel safe carries over to larger issues in life - not just spooky movies.

#7 Taking showers together. With your partner there for every aspect of your life, those once ordinary day-to-day tasks suddenly become potential erotic adventures.

#8 Attending your favorite sporting event together. Many singles stubbornly think that sporting events are just for the guys, but a victory make-out session is much more exciting than a few high-fives with your pals. Another benefit is the amount of adrenalin that's built up during a game. Adrenalin always makes for great sex after the match.

#9 Knowing that you have someone to depend on. Your partner is more than just bed mate, they're your companion - someone to experience this life with. Life gets hard, and complicated, and can even seem unbearable at times. The great thing about a couple is, when you fall, there is always someone there to pick you up.

#10 Feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries. Everyone loves being pampered. Whether it's sharing fruit, or a massage. You'll always have someone there to spoil you.

#11 No more depressing masturbation! We know, there will always be masturbation, no matter how often you and your partner have sex. After discovering that intense connection we call love with someone, the sexual experience ascends to something greater than just satisfying that itch in your pants.

#12 Taking vacations together. The majority of us are not loners. Deep down in our core, we crave friendship and community. When it comes to traveling, most of us are intimidated by the thought of going at it alone, so having that loved one next to you seems to arouse the explorer in us.

#13 Perpetual encouragement. Even the best of us lose a little self-esteem from time to time. It's an amazing thing to always have someone there to help rebuild your fortitude.

#14 All-night Netflix marathons. One of the most adventurous things we did in our childhood was staying up all night with our best friends, watching movies and playing games. After we all grew up, that didn't seem to happen anymore. Your friends have lives of their own now and don't seem too excited about having a slumber party with you. Well, that's what your partner is for. He or she is your new best friend, and they'll always be there to help you build that fort in the living room.

#15 Your ass will always look great in that outfit. As we've noted before, confidence is a huge issue with us humans. We are constantly worried about how others see us, and we're even a little superficial at times. Your girlfriend or boyfriend always wants to be the hottest person you know, and you always will be, because you really are the hottest person in the world to them. 

#16 The glorious majesty of oral sex. Sure, you can get a blowjob during a one-night stand, but will it be the greatest blowjob you ever receive? Probably not. Having that one person, night after night, day after day, to explore and experiment with - that's how you master the art of oral sex. Cunnilingus takes some practice, and is a different experience with every woman. Nobody knows how to blow their woman's mind on the first try. It takes time. A couple has the benefit of discovering that perfect orgasm.

#17 Relaxing in the tub together. Everyone loves a bubble bath! Having someone's slippery, naked body rubbing against yours turns that tranquil time in the tub into a romantic, and erotic engagement.



#18 Holding hands (duh!). Intimacy is incredibly fulfilling, whether it's spooning in bed, or just walking down the street, hand-in-hand. Maybe we get it from childhood, the safety and comfort of having someone hold your hand while crossing the street or wandering through a busy public space. What ever the reason, we all love doing it. 

#19 Having a road-trip partner. Before you found the love of your life, you had to ask around to find a friend who would take a trip with you. Sometimes that can be hard. Sometimes nobody wants to be stuck in a car with you for several hours at a time. A couple never has this issue. You're already spending every day together, so it might as well be spent in a car. There's not much better than exploring the open road with someone who laughs at all your bad jokes. 

#20 Having someone to split a Twix with. We're not saying you should be in a relationship just so you don't waste food, but the sharing aspect is very important. You're sharing food, experiences, thoughts - everything you love, everything you hate. You can think of it as "becoming one" with each other, or you could also see it as one person becoming twice as awesome. 

#21 Experimental cooking. Single folks usually fall into their own routine, and they stick with it until someone comes along and introduces them to something new. For the stereotypical male, it's pizza, hot wings, and anything that's easy to cook. When you find yourself in a couple, you discover this urge to try new things. You've merged your lifestyle with someone else's, and that tends to shake things up a bit. You'll both want to find ways to change those old habits of yours.

#22 Getting texts during your work day that make you feel better. You're not alone in this world. The crappy day at work doesn't have to seed into your mind when you have someone on your team, routing for you. He or she isn't just the person you hook up with at home every night, they're personal pep rally. By the end of  your shift, if won't matter how much your boss yelled at you - not when you know you're in love, and are loved in return.

#23 Having someone who makes sure you don't get too drunk. Sometimes your judgement can waver a bit, and you might need a little assistance. It's nice to have someone looking out for you - someone you will thanking in the morning.

#24 Having someone who will listen to you complain about your parents. After a while you'll notice that some of your friends don't make the best listeners, and your siblings can be a little critical, especially if you're the younger one. A couple always has someone to hear their problems, without judgement.

#25 Negotiating foot massages and back rubs. Single people need to pay people for this kind of thing. Other than the financial benefit, it can be really fun bartering for things with loving displays of affection.

#26 Realizing that even when you fight, you still love each other. You'll notice that singles don't fight. They can always just walk away from an argument, but not couples. They love and care for one another. The argument is important.

#27  Getting to experiment with pubic hair lengths. OK, this sounds a little weird, and maybe even a little gross, but think about it. There are places on your body you would never allow a lover to explore. Be in a couple for a certain amount of time and see how absurdly comfortable you become around your partner. You'll start peeing in front of each other, picking your nose in front of them, and yes, playing with their pubic hair.

#28 Knowing how lucky you are. This might not sound like an extremely important benefit right away, but try to remember the last time you felt this way. Happy couples are so damn happy because of little things like this. You'll see them around sometimes, walking tall, a modest smile on their face.

Jason Estrada is currently working on his master's for creative writing, in the hopes of becoming a very rich screenwriter some day. His other interests include photography, cinematography, and video editing. His favorite book is The Great Gatsby. Favorite movie is either The Crow or When Harry Met Sally - can't decide. And his all time favorite show is Doctor Who.

When he's not enjoying any of those things, you can find him at home, drinking and smoking way too much while listening to VNV Nation. You can email him at jason@getlusty.com, or try his Facebook page.

Read more »

Podcast! Eric Amaranth on Keeping Monogamy Steamy

Eric Amaranth took an unusual approach to his training as a sex coach by apprenticing under the legendary Betty Dodson for ten years instead of going to graduate school, but he wouldn't change a thing about it.

Now with his own practice, Eric uses his unique form of therapy to help clients with intimacy and adding novelty to the bedroom. We chatted with him and recorded his insights for your listening pleasure.

More on what we talked about:

• What got Eric into sex coaching? He noticed a need for people who could professionally teach how to create pleasure rather than simply treating sexual abuse or dysfunction.
• He apprenticed under Betty Dodson for ten years, forming a long-running professional, emotional, and physical relationship with his mentor.
• Although he and Betty were non-monogamous, there are disadvantages to adapting that lifestyle, Eric says; jealousy, especially when your partner's other lovers have a skill or advantage that you don't possess, can be one of the biggest challenges.
• A big challenge for monogamous couples? Adding novelty and variety to your relationship. Try new things, add them to your repertoire, and practice, practice, practice! Sex can lose its excitement even if you're awesome in bed, he says.
• Waiting for someone to come along to help you recreate an explosive first time experience? Don't hold your breath, Eric says. Don't get overly attached to an isolated moment because it pressures your partner to recreate an event that may not be possible the second time around.
• What does Eric recommend add novelty to a long-term relationship? Turn off the TV! Even if it's just for 10-15 minutes, re-orient your priorities and you may be surprised how much time is left over for intimacy.
• Want sex to be spontaneous? Even when sex is planned, add anticipation by sending sexy texts to your significant other throughout the day to help build up to the big event.

More about Eric:

Eric Amaranth is a sex life coach who specializes in women’s and men’s sexuality, basic to advanced sex skills, and high-end sex education. Eric is not a psychology-based “sex therapist,” which is the term that the public uses to refer to every professional in his field, regardless of training background. After graduating from The College of William and Mary, he went on to become the ten-year protege of pioneering sex coach Betty Dodson, PhD.

Eric’s sex life coaching is made for adults. He has knowledge and methodology differences that set him apart from what psychology-based sex therapists have to offer. Individuals and couples are guided toward the sexual relationship, intimacy, and connection goals they desire most. Upon request, he also coaches his clients on the holistic wellness and sexual health and STD information he has successfully integrated into his own life.

Amaranth believes that for the majority of people, appreciation of ourselves and our romantic partners is one of the best sustainable resources we have to continuously renew attraction, maintain respect, and stay in  love with our partners. This bedrock of deep appreciation is founded and reinforced by affectionate touch and breathtaking sexual capability. It’s what keeps partners close through the hard times. It makes partners and spouses into lovers, not distant roommates. It gives you hot sex as well as loving sex. It builds sexual desire and makes us feel alive and happy. This feeling is a crucial oasis. It lowers stress and improves our professional, marital and parenting lives. It also contributes to physical, mental, and emotional health and happiness.

Eric sees consistent success in his coaching practice with eliminating two things: clients’ infidelity interests or activities and considerations of breakup or divorce based on sexual problems and imbalances. Eric works with clients from all over the world toward his ambitious goal that his brand of sex life coaching would one day significantly reduce the instances of divorce. That’s the big picture that Amaranth wants to paint for people today and tomorrow.

Eric lives in New York City, in Manhattan, with his much-loved girlfriend. Connect with Eric on his website, www.sexlifecoachnyc.com, or find him on Facebook and Twitter @Eric_Amaranth.

Read more »

Is Polyamory an Alternative to Cheating?

Polyamory can be a way to stave off boring sex. But can it actually save a relationship? O.M. Grey explores the common pitfalls of a long-term relationship and how sexual relationships with other people may be just the thing to draw you and your partner closer together.

* * *

“That doesn’t work.” No doubt, if you have heard someone talk about polyamory, or any of the terms describing open marriage or non-monogamous relationships, and especially if you have suggested it to your spouse or significant other, you likely heard those words.

What if monogamy doesn't work?

The harsh truth about marriages in today’s society is that nearly 50% of them end in divorce, largely due to infidelity. Second marriages, in which one would think they had avoided the pitfalls that ended their first marriage, have a 60% divorce rate. Third marriages? 75% divorce rate. Perhaps it is monogamy that doesn’t work. That said, alternative lifestyles like polyamory don’t work for everyone either. Couples are like snowflakes; no two are alike. What works for one couple may not work for another. There is not a magic tool that will fix all marriages, but it helps to have as many tools in your toolbox as possible.

Redefining "family values"

As a society, we pride ourselves on our “family values.” We fall in love and get married. We buy a house. We have kids. We build our career. We join a church or social group. We are living the American dream. Until it turns into a nightmare.

“Love,” that euphoric feeling and rush of desire so common at the beginning of a new relationship, always fades. It. Always. Fades. There are no exceptions to this. You may be reading this saying to yourself, “Not my marriage, because I still feel a rush when my wife kisses me! Not my relationship! It won’t fade.” It will.

The average length of time for that “in love” feeling to last in a primary relationship is two years. Which means you may be in your fifth year of wedded bliss, still getting excited watching your wife get dressed in the morning, but someone else has lost it in their first year. Perhaps even before their first year.

It fades. It’s a fact of life. That feeling of euphoria fades, and there is nothing wrong with that. Too many couples think that the honeymoon is over when that fades or that it must not have been true love, but that is not the case. It was very real, but it was just the first step. A deeper connection and a more beautiful love come after that. Something real. Something that lasts. Something that is not just based on brain chemicals and hormones. True intimacy is what comes next, if you are willing to do the work to establish that.

Recently, when discussing polyamory with a friend, he said to me, “But it’s just so much easier to cheat and lie about it.” We had had a conversation about polyamory years ago when my husband and I first were experimenting with an open marriage. This friend said his wife would never go for it, but he did bring it up in passing one day. Her response? “That doesn’t work.”

Two years later, he had an affair. His wife is blissfully ignorant of it, but if and when she finds out--and let’s face it, they usually do--she will feel devastated and betrayed. And she should, because he betrayed her trust. He betrayed their vows. He lied to her, and the greatest pain is in the deception, not the sex. He adores his wife. I know it doesn’t seem like it, because he did cheat on her, but he does adore her.

The recipe for infidelity

Perhaps the greatest problem with the monogamy model is that it does not leave room for personal growth and personal satisfaction. The monogamy model shows us that once you are married you stay married. Or you get divorced. Or, of course, you cheat. But then, you are no longer monogamous.

Desire happens. Even love sometimes just happens. Usually when you least expect it and even if you don’t want it. We are sexual beings. Sex to most men and many, many women (more than you’d think!) is as essential a need as food, water, and shelter. Sex, after several years of marriage, can fall to the wayside because the comfort and security are there. The kids. PTA meetings. Career. Daycare. Housekeeping. After all the maintenance of life, sex falls to the side. Where once you had sex daily or at least weekly, now weeks or even months may go by without sex.

Then one day it happens. You’re off on a business trip, or at the office and you notice someone. S/he notices you, too. You feel seen. You feel attractive and interesting and desirable--all those things that your spouse truly knows but no longer seems to notice. Is this person better? Younger? Sexier? More beautiful than your spouse? Not necessarily. In fact, unlikely. S/he’s merely different. New.

So. What are your choices? Deny your own desires, or worse, your heart, if you’ve fallen “in love”? Your other choice, the one that has become far too common in our society, is to cheat on your spouse, jeopardizing your marriage and family, if you have children. All for what? To feel good. Not attractive options. Especially because this new “in love” euphoria, too, will fade over time. As many people find out in their second and third marriages, it always does. It is biology.

Is there another way?

Here is a third option: polyamory. Polyamory is many things, but it is not a license to have sex with whomever or whenever you want. Not necessarily. Not unless that is what you and your spouse decide. Polyamory cannot really be defined, as it means different things to different people. In fact, polyamory might not mean having sex with anyone but your spouse.

Polyamory is about open and honest relationships, which first and foremost must happen in your primary relationship. For starters, you can use this new office attraction as “borrowed desire,” sparking things at home, but not deceptively. Tell your spouse about it. I know this sounds terrifying, but this is how one develops true intimacy and a deeper relationship with one’s spouse: by sharing fears.

You must start and end the conversation with reassurances on how much you love him/her and how you would never leave him/her. Tell them that revealing this is scary to you because you are afraid s/he will think something is going on, but that is precisely why you are telling them; to reassure them that there isn’t. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be telling them.

This conversation can be extremely powerful. By telling them about this attraction you are at least partially diffusing the office attraction. By hiding it, you’re only fueling the excitement and the desire for this new person, and, worse, deceiving your spouse. Secondly, you are making yourself vulnerable before your spouse. Tell them that you don’t want to feel this attraction, but you do. Tell them that you aren’t going to act on it, but it feels great to be seen again. Tell them that it has inspired you to want to make them feel desired and loved and cherished again, because you would never do anything to hurt him/her or your family.

Ask if your spouse feels threatened. If they do, then address that by reassuring them again. There is no place for anger here. If s/he get’s angry, then it is likely because s/he is scared of abandonment, too. Listen to your spouse’s fears. Likely, their fear is that you are going to leave them. Abandonment is one of the greatest fears in any marriage, in any relationship. The tragedy is that this overwhelming fear of abandonment keeps couples from opening up to each other, which ironically and ultimately pushes them further and further apart making an indiscretion, separation, or divorce all that more likely.

This was a post by O.M. Grey. It was originally posted on her blog here.

Nestled in the mountains of Northern California, Olivia M. Grey lives in the cobwebbed corners of her mind writing paranormal romance with a Steampunk twist. She dreams of the dark streets of London and the decadent deeds that occur after sunset. As an author of Steamy Steampunk, as well as a poet, blogger, podcaster, and speaker, Olivia focuses both her poetry and prose on alternative relationship lifestyles and deliciously dark matters of the heart and soul.

Her work has been published in various anthologies and magazines like Stories in the Ether, Steampunk Adventures, SNM Horror Magazine and How The West Was Wicked. Her premier Steampunk BDSM erotica novel, Avalon Revisited, is an Amazon.com Gothic Romance bestseller. She loves to host tea parties, and she runs a delightful game of charades, Victorian style. Follow her on Twitter @omgrey and subscribe to her on Facebook.

Read more »

Podcast! Dan and Jennifer on Romance & Intimacy

Dan and Jennifer Baritchi have impacted the lives of millions of individuals and couples through their successful online venture, DanAndJennifer.com. Serial entrepreneurs to the core, we had to ask them about their secrets for today's busy couples. Read more & listen to the podcast!

More on what we talked about:

• Where did Dan and Jennifer get their start? They began by creating an online dating site which evolved into an online love and sex advice forum.
• How did they meet? At work! Dan & Jennifer both worked in technology and IT before becoming a couple and transitioning to the world of love and sex.
• A fun exercise Dan & Jennifer recommend for couples to help with communication? Write down things you want to experiment with sexually, put them in a "fantasy box," and occasionally pull them out to try.
• With such busy schedules, how do Dan & Jennifer make time for romance? By scheduling a weekend away. It's better to have quality sex when you can find the time than to have rushed sex every night, they say.
• So what are some of the 1,001 best places to have sex in America? Some of the best places, Dan and Jennifer believe, are right in your own home — have sex everywhere that's not the bedroom!
• Why the focus on couples at AskDanAndJennifer.com? There are a lot of sites for helping people find dates, but less for those who are already in relationships seeking an open, nonjudgmental forum.

More about Dan & Jennifer:

Ask Dan & Jennifer is a very popular and respected Love & Sex show, advice column, online magazine, and relationship support community: touching millions of lives every month in a healthy and positive way.
Their mission is to help people create conscious relationships based on love and acceptance rather than fear, jealousy, anger and ownership. It's time to move on from outdated ideas about love and sex.

Apart from their website and YouTube show, Dan and Jennifer have landed various media spots in publications and on TV. They also have three published books available on Amazon.com. Connect with Dan & Jennifer on DanAndJennifer.com, or find them on social media such as Facebook and Twitter @DanAndJennifer.

Read more »

How Do I Get Him to Spice Things Up?

This is one we get a lot. How do we spice things up in our relationship? For GetLusty, we recommend the 5 pillars of an amazing sexual relationship. Each of these pillars takes work, including communication and sexual technique, as Dr. Dick notes below. We love Dr. Dick! He's one of our favorite sexual educators! With over 30 years of practice, he's here again to answer his readers' questions. Today, Dr. Dick explores the connection between sexual intimacy and sexual performance for our gentlemen readers.

* * *


Name: Catherine Joanne
Gender: Female
Age: 42
Location: Canada, Alberta

Dear Dr. Dick,

I am in a very loving, understanding, compassionate relationship, which I have been waiting for for some time now. The only thing is he stimulates my emotional side in every way, but in the bedroom he is not as sexual as previous partners I have encountered.

I do not know if this is because all my previous relationships have always been about the “sex” and fizzled out, shortly there after, or this is how a “real love thing truly is?” If so, how can I mentally get over this one…he’s just not inventive, or has a lack of sexual knowledge. I don’t want to end this loving relationship over the bed issue. Please help me out on this one, so I do not sabotage this relationship.

Sincerely,
Catherine

* * *

Dear Catherine,

Like my momma always used to say, if it has four wheels or a dick, you know you’re gonna have trouble with it. Listen darlin’, if this guy satisfies as much as you say, hold on to him. He’s a keeper.

You can always teach the old dog some new tricks. Of course, you’re gonna have to take the lead in his sex ed. Let’s just hope he’s not threatened by a woman who is more sexually experienced, adventurous and progressive than he is.

That being said, I think you ought to make your peace with the fact that he’ll probably never become a wild fuck. But then again, you probably don’t want that, because those wild fucks don’t make for loving, understanding and compassionate partners…as you already know.

Just remember: It’s as hard to domesticate a wild fuck, as it is to make a domestic fuck wild!

Good luck,
Dr. Dick

Originally posted at Dr. Dick's Sex Advice.

This is a guest post from Richard Wagner, Ph.D., ACS - aka Dr Dick, sexologist, author, educator, syndicated sex advice columnist and publisher of Dr Dick's Sex Advice and Dr Dick Sex Toy Reviews. He's been a practitioner of Sex Therapy and Relationship Counseling for over 30 years.

Richard Wagner (Dr. Dick) affirms the fundamental goodness of sexuality in human life, both as a personal need and as an interpersonal bond. He knows the unhappiness and anxiety, which sex-negative attitudes can engender in individuals, alienating them from their own body and the bodies of others.
Find Dr. Dick on Twitter @DrDickSexAdvice.

Read more »

Our Top 10 Favorite Sex & Relationship Therapists

The GetLusty team is constantly learning new things about sex and relationships — that's part of what keeps the job so interesting and energetic! The amazing group of people listed here are making new insights into sexual health and relationship therapy; they are a continual source of knowledge for us and we greatly admire them.

Every therapist has certain areas of expertise and are suited to council people in different arenas and if you have ever considered looking into sexual or relationship therapy we encourage you to do extensive research on who might be the best therapist for you. Below are 10 professionals that we believe are exemplary sex positive therapists, researchers and counselors. GetLusty for Couple's Rachael Milton reports.

* * *

#1 Enliven Couples Therapy: Kimberly Sharky, LMFT, CST and Amy Freier, LPC make up Enliven Couples Therapy. Enliven is a great resource based in Chicago that focuses on couples therapy, sex therapy and relationship coaching. A great resource for couples therapy in our home base, Chicago!

#2 Rachael L. Ross, MD, PhD.: An advocate of frank sex talk, Dr. Rachael (pictured left) is an accomplished medical doctor and sexologist. She has been a guest on many different TV and radio shows, quoted in magazines, and recently published her first book Down Right Feel Right – Outercourse For Her & For Him. 

#3 Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D.: Dr. Greenberg treats couples that have "issues of trust, communication breakdown, loss of intimacy, and destructive ways of relating. I focus on attachment and communication styles as well as respect, creating intimacy, deescalating conflict, and constructive expression." She has an impressive history in academia that you can view on her website.

#4 Joy Davidson, Ph.D.: Dr. Joy specializes in relationship counseling and sex therapy with topics ranging from sexless marriages to resolving conflicts and fights. She has written several books, her most recent being Colors of Passion: Awakening Desire, Rediscovering Pleasure which you can purchase here.

#5 Joe Kort, Ph.D., LMSW: Dr. Joe Kort is the founder and director of The Center Relationships and Sexual Health. He specializes in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy and IMAGO Relationship Therapy, which he describes as a "program involving communication exercises designed for couples to enhance their relationship and for singles to learn relationship skills".

#6 Cynthia Lief Ruberg, LPCC, LLC: Cynthia (pictured left) has an extensive history in treating sexual and relationship issues and believes that "each partner is affected by the other's sexual concerns and that a couple's sexual concerns commonly impact their relationship and vice versa." We agree Cynthia!

#7 Dorree Lynn, Ph.D.: Dr. Lynn believes that sexually satisfying relationships can be achieved no matter how old you are so she founded the website Fifty and Furthermore, which provides information and advice on sexual health and relationships for the over-50 crowd.

#8 Michael Castleman, MA: Michael Castleman is a journalist, sex therapist and sex educator. The goal of Great Sex After 40 is to inform  people that "with a little information and some erotic adjustments, sex after 40 or 50 or 60 or 70 can be quite enjoyable, possibly the best sex of your life."

#9 Roger Libby, Ph.D.: Dr. Libby (pictured left) is an internationally recognized sexologist, social psychologist, sociologist and a board certified sex therapist. Dr. Libby has an extensive CV and is also an author, radio host and professor.


#10 Dr. Janell Carroll: A sexologist and professor, Dr. Carroll encourages open discussion surrounding the many aspects of sex and relationships. She is also an accomplished author with a wide selection of greats books that you can check out on her website.

Have you heard about the next version of GetLusty for Couples? Our beta launches December 7th. Sign up to be a part of it. From Chicago to the world, you'll find advice, date ideas, ways to improve your communication skills and yes, continued recommendations on the hottest things to spice up your couple.

Read more »