Tomorrow! Networking for Kinky People

GetLusty is all about meeting new kinky people! If you wanna get out there and find some like minded sexual deviants, there's plenty of events just for that purpose. Sunny Megatron and Ken Melvoin-Berg host a variety of classes on sexuality. This week's class is on networking and GetLusty's event writer Greg Dorn has the details.

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Just as people come in all shapes and sizes, so do our sexual appetites. For people who want to expand their sexual resume, for people who need something a little bit more wild, or for people who are simply curious and looking for something fun to do, you should show up at Taboo Tabou this Wednesday at 7pm.  Don't be shy.

The What

Networking for Kinky People: Learn how to function in various sexual subcommunities including polygamy and swinging. In most social settings, it is very difficult to be open and find people who are interested in the same sexy activities as you. This class gives you a chance to learn how to maneuvere those communities, in which you can find someone to join you in exploring your most intimate desires!

The Who

Ken Melvoin-Berg owns Weird Chicago Tours and the Midwest’s premier S&M Dungeon, The Studio. As a Lecturer and Sexstorian, he is the creator of On The Edge (a lecture/film series on BDSM). In addition to authoring 14 books on various subjects, Ken edits and writes numerous articles on sexuality. He travels around the world teaching kink awareness to various private groups and continually develops new kink-friendly/sex positive classes.

Ken is responsible for the infamous Northwestern University Fucksaw controversy while teaching his class, Networking for Kinky People. Sunny Megatron is his partner in crime in his perverted adventures.

Sunny Megatron is a pleasure advocate, sex blogger, sexpert, adult sexuality educator and accidental superhero. Along with Ken, she is one of the infamous Northwestern Fucksaw Four and is the proud owner of that fucksaw heard around the world.

On any given weekend you can find Sunny hosting Red Light District Sex Tours and bachelorette parties for Weird Chicago Tours. She also teaches various sexuality workshops around the country including: Networking for Kinky People, BDSM 101, How to Give a World Class BlowJob, Exploring Non-Monogamy, ZAP! Electrical Play, The Female Orgasm, and Junk For Your Junk: Sex Toys 101.

Although Sunny covers various subjects, her specialties are the female orgasm and alternative sexuality— from LGBTQ topics to swinging, BDSM, nontraditional relationships, extreme toys, g-spot techniques and more. She particularly enjoys helping those curious about adding a little spice to their sex lives that aren’t sure where to begin.

Where and When

Don't fret, the next class is this Wednesday, November 14, 2012 at Lakeview's Taboo Tabou starting at 7pm. Tickets are sold at the door, but reserve your spot now by clicking on this link. Be sure to check out their other upcoming events. All classes are held upstairs in the Salon Cabaret, and require a $10 class fee.

For more classes, and Chicago sex tours, please check out Ken and Sunny here. Just remember to leave your inhibitions at the door. Trust me, you'll be in good hands.

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This is a guest post by our own Greg Dorn. Greg is a self-employed day trader who loves writing. He aims to think about sex whenever possible, including enhancing his own love life! If you don't see Greg crunching numbers, you'll find him enjoying the beauty of his wonderful girlfriend around Chicago. Greg also writes for a History of Cool, a perspective on the changing definition of cool. Besides sex and numbers, Greg geeks out on the ever-changing analytical definition of coolness. Find Greg on Twitter @ahistoryofcool.

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Feel Better About BDSM

There is often a great deal of confusion surrounding BDSM. People have desires and fantasies they want to act out, but feel guilty or uncomfortable with the idea. It can turn into a difficult situation to approach with your partner. With BDSM, the distinctions between excitement and discomfort often become blurred. Without guidance, confusion and miscommunication can lead to frustration. Luckily, Good Men Project is here to advice! Sex advice gurus Eli and Josie received a reader question along the same lines. They answered with help from Noah Brand on how this man should address his conflicted feelings towards fulfilling his girlfriend's S&M fantasies.

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Dear Sexes: My girlfriend just recently told me that she’s into S&M and she knows that I had a master/slave relationship in the past. What she doesn’t know is that it’s not sexual to me. It pulls up a very ugly and repressed emotion/mentality. I want to do whatever I can to fulfill her fantasies, but I’m pretty uncomfortable with mentally accessing that part of me far enough for ME to enjoy it. Is this a common feeling? How safe is it for me to try this out? And when can I call it quits, having done my duty?

She Said: First and foremost, the way you just phrased that to us is probably the perfect way to explain your feelings to your girlfriend. There’s a chance that she may just want to explore the S&M side of herself, and isn’t even sure if it’s going to be something she needs, in which case you’d be off the hook.

There’s also the chance that she thinks that somewhere deep inside, because of your former relationship, that you need some element of BDSM to be fulfilled. To me, this is a case of you two just needing to have an open-hearted conversation.

However, we wanted to reach out to our friend, Noah Brand from The Good Men Project and No Seriously What About The Menz, who knows more about less-mainstream sexuality than we do, in order to get you a more knowledgeable response. Hopefully between the three of us, we can help!

He Said: I know this question is about S&M, but forget about that aspect for a moment. Your girlfriend wants to try something romantically/sexually that you’ve tried in the past, aren’t particularly into now, and sort of object to personally. There’s nothing wrong with feeling the way you do, and you should not force yourself to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Additionally, your girlfriend would (most likely) not want you do anything that compromised your values, or even personal tastes.

On the other hand, you’re in a relationship, so compromise (often) and communication (always) are required. Sit down with your girlfriend and discuss your fears, goals, and ideas about this scenario. Make sure you get your thoughts out, and do your best to listen carefully. The two of you may have more common ground than you think. And the more open you are with each other, the better chance you give each other to succeed.

Now, a few words from our guest expert. Noah - take it away.

Noah Said: It’s hard to give specific advice without knowing specific details, but if I understand you correctly, you’re saying that you’re worried about being an abusive top. (You are the top in these scenarios?) Rather than just being a fun kinky thrill for you, you’re worried that this kind of power play taps into a darker and more dangerous part of your psyche. If that’s not actually your problem, please write in again and explain more and we’ll tackle the question again.

To answer your question - that’s not all that uncommon. Most conscious and responsible tops feel some level of tension between the enjoyment of power and the fear of abusing it. Sounds like in your case that tension’s a bit higher than most, but that’s not necessarily an insurmountable problem. The solution is the solution to literally almost all kink problems: communication, limits, and boundaries.

First and foremost, talk openly with your girlfriend about her specific fantasies and your own feelings. Do the things she wants even overlap with the things you fear doing? Did you just start to answer that question without asking her first? You say she doesn’t know about your repressed emotions? I say she probably should. Talk about these things very specifically and very honestly, with minimal “Oh, you know what I mean” or “I guess just anything” or phrases like that. The kink worksheet created by the great Cliff Pervocracy is a good starting point.

From there, you need to set clear limits and boundaries, and you must be clear that you are BOTH allowed to set those. You have every much a right to say “I’m not comfortable doing that to you” as she does to say “I’m not comfortable having that done to me.” It will help if you can do some trust exercises: the trust needs to go both ways. You need to know that she can use a safeword if she has to, that she can look out for her own safety and well-being, and she needs to know that you will respect her safeword - that you won’t go too far.

What I’m saying is that you may be wrong about not being able to explore this side of yourself safely, and you may also be wrong about not being able to enjoy power dynamics on a sexual level. With communication and boundaries, you can potentially construct a space for yourself and your girlfriend where you can both have a good time, and even if it doesn’t work, you’ll both be able to understand why, and learn from the experience without getting hurt.

Unless, of course, the nature of your problem is that you’re thinking “Communication? Boundaries? Safewords? I don’t want to do those things!” In which case you were right the first time, you’re a shitty top and should not play with anyone.

Cross posted with permission from She Said He Said. Reprinted from The Good Men Project.

Josie is a writer living in Los Angeles. Though she has a tight circle of female friends, she's always been a guy's gal. This advice column came about because her best girls kept begging her to ask her guy friends for sex and dating advice on their behalf. She realized that the advice they offered was honest and direct--and completely different than the advice women offered each other.

Eli is an indie-rock musician living in New York City. He loves his football and hockey as much as the next red-blooded male. But when it comes to relationships and love, he's really a true romantic. His friends (female and male) are always asking him for his dating/relationship advice due to his genuine caring, perceptiveness, and honesty. He always calls it like he sees it, and usually sees it very well. 'Like' them on Facebook.

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Erotic Spanking: 9 Ways to Make it Hotter (NSFW)

If you read the first part of this series, Erotic Spanking: Positions and Toys, you've got a great idea about where to start your erotic spanking adventure! Do you want to take it a step further? In this second installment Rachel will explain different ways to build up the excitement with spanking-related foreplay, what kind of clothing works best or looks sexiest, and some great examples of different sexy scenarios to act out with your spanking! 

Remember, always get consent before introducing erotic play like spanking into your bedroom repertoire. As always we recommend you check out our negotiation 101 article before jumping to any kind of new sexy scenario. Our amazing Rachel Colias reports.

Foreplay

While spanking can be considered foreplay in itself, there are quite a few ways to really get the blood flowing before the spanking begins. Believe it or not there are people out there who can orgasm solely from the spanking, so we want to help prolong the excitement!

#1 Rub before you spank!  

Rubbing the spankee’s buttocks, generally causing a warm sensation and sometimes a pink coloring of the skin being rubbed, can be a great precursor to the spanking. If the spankee doesn’t want to be warned about when the spanking will begin, this is also a great way to really build the tension and excitement. At what point is the rubbing going to turn into spanking?

#2 Remove their clothes slowly

If you’re anything like me, the slow removing of a person’s clothes is just as exciting as any physical foreplay. If the spankee is wearing a skirt or dress over panties, it could be incredibly pleasurable for the spanker to lift, move, or remove the clothes themselves while the spankee is in position. It’s just as exciting as unwrapping a present!

#3 Dirty talk

If you’re participating in the spanking as part of a role play, talking dirty or setting the scene is a great way to start! But more on role play scenarios later.

#4 Give them a hand job or some head! 

Considering how close the spanker already is to the spankee’s genitals, why not warm-up the old-fashioned way? Rubbing the clitoris of a female-bodied person or introducing a dildo or vibrator can be an incredibly arousing way to prepare them for the spanking. Some may even want to orgasm beforehand! The same goes for male-bodied people; a lube-based hand job or performing fellatio is a great way to get started.

Costumes

The following costumes can be used for almost any sexual scenario or act, but have specific attributes that make them especially appropriate for spanking!

#5 Leather and spandex

As one would imagine, kink and BDSM culture play a part in erotic spanking. Outfits made from leather and latex are great for spanking, especially considering how tight they usually are. The tightness can allow for great over-the-clothes spanking and the materials resemble the toys themselves!

#6 Chaps

Anything with an open backside! That includes leather assless chaps and what’s considered “spanking skirts.” These skirts, as you can imagine, strap around the waist and thighs leaving the backside exposed. Dresses and standard skirts are great, too, when it comes to easy access.

#7 Sexy undies 

Considering what body part is being put on display for a spanking, any sort of sexy underwear-crotchless panties, ruffled panties, lace panties, thongs, etc-works just fine! The important thing to remember is to really show off your assets! Pun intended.

As I’ll outline soon, costumes relating to role play scenarios really heat things up too.

Role Play

Anyone who has ever experimented with role play or tried acting out fantasies knows how much fun they can be. The brain is one of your most erogenous zones and when you include that fantasy aspect with sex, well, it’s insanely amazing. And believe me, there are some great fantasies out there for you spankophiles!

#8 Dominance/submission

The dominant/submissive is great for spanking considering the power structure and exchange. With consent, of course, the spanker is in an incredibly dominant position while being bent over or restrained is incredibly fun for a submissive.

#9 Discipline 

Have you been bad? You deserve a spanking! Discipline is so much fun to play around with because there are so many potential scenarios!

A. You’re being sent to the principal

B. You’ve misbehaved at Catholic school

C. You were pulled over by a police officer and they just have to handcuff you

D. You’re being punished for orgasming before your dominant gave you permission

E. You broke one of “Daddy’s” rules

The possibilities are endless! But remember, you “deserve” the punishment.

Erotic spanking is great for so many reasons. Whether you’re a full-blown spankophile or have always wanted to give it a try, the levels of spanking range all over the pain-spectrum and the situation can always be adjusted for your and your partner’s comfort. If anything I’ve outlined get’s you a little hot and heavy, you should definitely give it a try!

This article was written by Rachel Colias. She’s currently getting her bachelors in English and Women’s and Gender studies and feels especially passionate about advocating for the importance of consent and communication.

Her hobbies include shopping for new vibrators, playing roller derby, and getting tattoos her mom doesn’t approve of. When she’s not writing for GetLusty or doing homework, she’s playing with her bearded dragon Terrance and you can generally find her reading comic books with her loving boyfriend of six years or eating pizza and watching Netflix. You can find and follow her Tumblr blog here! Have any questions? Email her at editorial@getlusty.com!

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